Bleeding Heart
by Ambrosia Hawke
Summary: Hawke flees Kirkwall after what happened. Still faithful to her journal, her memories take her through the events that transpired and what she had to do. First time writer of anything outside of a classroom. Contains Female Hawke and more than one romance. *Work in progress. Rating and Genre may change.*
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** This is my first time ever writing in a story setting. I've only ever written in academic settings. I welcome all constructive criticism. This is a work in progress so patience is appreciated. And please let me know what you think :)

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... I just like the trees.**

* * *

"You heard what happened over there in Kirkwall right?" The drunk's voice lifted above the overwhelming din of the tavern. I tilted my head to the side and glanced at one of my companions, our eyes met and a silent understanding passed between us, understanding and sorrow.

"They destroyed their Chantry! And the Templars to boot!" The other drunk waved his drink in an uproarious manner.

"Not gonna be safe anywhere in Thedas now. Might as well move to Tevinter. That's what the worlds gonna be like soon anyways." The first drunk muttered into his half full flagon.

"Not so. I hear the Templars and the Chantry in Orlais are gathering for an Inquisition of sorts!" I closed my eyes and looked down at my own flagon, a silent tear falling into my drink.

"I thought those were 'Marches' or something like that." Another drunk from the bar had joined their gossip.

Their voices fell back into the waves of noises coming from the overcrowded tavern. I wiped my eyes and found my brother staring at me.

"What?" It sounded more accusatory then I had meant and he winced slightly.

"We can't stay here, Sister." He kept his voice low but it carried easily to my ears. I felt the frown starting. He was right. If they started talking about the Champion and her companions we were sure to be found out. I nodded and finished my ale, indicating with a gesture for the rest of our party to do so as well. I started for the door knowing that they would all be close behind.

The moon was heavy and full above us, lighting our path to where we had set up camp earlier. I placed our supplies by the fire pit and called out for the two companions I had left to guard the camp were gone. "Dinner's here guys."

"Anymore news?" I heard a sweet, voice before the face melted from the shadows beyond the firelight.

My expression turned sour and mournful, she seemed to ponder at my expression but simply shook her head, not wishing to press me further and went to make her plate.

"I'm going to take a watch." I said to no one in particular but I knew they all heard me. I grabbed my journal, ink, and pen and moved up the trail a bit. I shouldn't be writing in moonlight but the habit was too hard to break.

"Give her some time, Daisy." Was all I heard as I moved up the trail. I closed my eyes for a moment, nearly tripping over a root, and thought back to those last few hours. The explosion; my repulsion at having been forced to be an unwilling aide; the look of sorrow and distress in his eyes… I righted myself and marched toward a good look out spot and sat down, intending to make the entry I had been putting off. I couldn't help but pause as I flipped through the book. I remember meeting Anders, Fenris, Merrill… Varric. Without whom I wouldn't even be here. I don't blame him. He was right after all, we made a good team. A team of good more like it. I scoffed at myself as the memories flooded back.

* * *

_Why do you have to be such a bleeding heart? _I could hear his voice as if it was yesterday. My father had been dead no less than 13 years and I could still remember him scolding me when I brought the Mabari home. I nearly cried at those words. He'd often been hard on me, harder on me than on the twins, but never harsh. "One day you will be the one the twins turn to for leadership. Maker knows your mother would want it to be her, but they look up to you more than you know. One day you're going to have to learn what it's like to say 'no, I can't help you', for their sakes." He'd meant it to be a lesson… it never stuck… until now. Oh what he would have said to that girl getting off the boat at the Gallows in Kirkwall.

* * *

I remember it well. Bethany's passing was too fresh in my mind to allow any thought to what father would have said. Aveline funneled all her grief and loss from losing her husband in the flight from Lothering into being the best hired sword, and got noticed by the guard too. Carver didn't do so well, ah but my brother always had a thick head though. He was great in service to the Red Iron, the band of mercenaries we had joined on with to pay our way into Kirkwall, but had a hard time with the concept of "orders" and "follow them to a T". I only wanted to get my mother, the sweetest and most determined woman I knew (aside from Aveline) out of the hovel my uncle had forced us into.

* * *

I sighed as my focus was brought back to the here and now. Far away from the wide eyed optimism of the girl who fought tooth and nail to become what she became… and now, the woman in the aftermath, soured by the events listed in the leather bound tomb in her lap. I flipped the pages back to the first entry. I read through the events that transpired after the first year in Kirkwall. _Fuck Bartrand,_ the first words on the page. I felt my memories flooding back to that day. For it was the day that changed my life.

* * *

"Andraste's tits human! Do you know how many people want to hire onto this expedition?! The answer is no!" His scowl and voice were classically dwarven, but I needed this. Surely he would see reason.

"But in the Deep Roads, one more blade can mean life or death." My brother chimed in.

"Oh that's what you think is it? And how many times have YOU been to the Deep Roads, human?" He spat out the last word as if it was a curse.

"What my brother is trying to say is it can't hurt to have someone capable at your side during an excursion like thi-"

"Oh I see," his gaze narrowed, "you're just one more sodding Ferelden looking to make her mark on the world. I've had so many of you damned refugees begging me, thinking I'll be a meal ticket into Hightown." He scowled, if possible, harder "Move on or go home _human_." He turned and walked away. I had half a mind to go after him but seeing the look on Carver's face gave me pause.

"Well so much for that. Great idea by the way. Let's go to Hightown and get treated like scum to find a way to avoid being taken to the Gallows." The scarcasm was thick enough to walk on, and I was already irritated. I knew I shouldn't have but I couldn't help it.

"Oh to the Gallows, _you_ won't have much to worry about then, at least _you_ don't have Templars scouring the city looking for _your_ kind. They'll only haul _me_ off and then _you_ can worry about how to get Mother out of Gamlen's shit hole." The hurt expression on his face was only there for a second before he turned and started stalking toward the exit to Lowtown. "Carver…" I tried to call after him but my voice didn't carry in this wide open courtyard.

"Gamlen, yeah... maybe we should ask _him_ if he knows about work around town." He stopped a few steps away, addressing me with a sidelong glance, "after all he did get us into the city."

I rolled my eyes, "And not much else, but it's worth a check. Maybe Meeran will have some work for us to do still too." I offered, attempting to smooth over the harshness still in his gaze. He nodded and motioned for me to take the lead.

I was lost in thought about who we could go to for work, so lost I forgot guard my coin purse. Before I really knew what was happening a young man had rammed into my shoulder. It took me a second longer than it should have to turn and give chase to the pick-pocket that had just run off with my meager coin. "Hey!" I called out after him. By the time I rounded the first corner I noticed the man pinned to the wall by what looked like an arrow. A second later a smooth looking dwarf appeared from the corner opposite the pick-pocket. I only had a second to admire the view of the handsome dwarf before his suave voice penetrated the alley.

"I knew a guy once who could take every coin in your pockets just by smiling at you. You don't have the skill or the savvy to work Hightown, little man." He held his hand out for my coin purse before punching the guy hard on the jaw, "Better hightail it out of here before I decide you're worth it." He said it all with a light and comedic undertone but there was a menacing gleam to his eyes that plainly said he meant every word. He turned with a nod as he freed his arrow from the now unconscious pick-pocket. "Names Varric Tethras, at your service my dear lady." He smirked again and bowed slightly before deftly tossing my coin purse back to me. "Better secure that before heading back out into the wild city." He twirled the arrow in his hand deftly.

It took me a moment to regain my composure. "Tethras, as in Bartrand Tethras?"

He chuckled, "Two and two, smarter then you look, eh?" he laughed, full throated and I found myself smirking right alongside him. "Yes Bartrand is my brother. I should apologize for him. He wouldn't know a good opportunity if it walked up and kicked him in the balls." Shrugging he continued, "but I know where to place bets. You're Hawke right?"

"Ambrosia, Rose to my friends. But my family name is Hawke." I smiled and gave an awkward curtsey, "and this is my brother Carver."

"A pleasure," Varric said, "so you're looking for a place in the expedition. Problem is we have more than enough hired hands, what we really need is a partner. Bartrand has been tearing out his beard trying to fund this little adventure on his own. Even with his merchant background, it's been tough on him."

I sighed, "Wish I could help more then, unfortunately if I had the coin I wouldn't need to go." Varric smirked at this.

"You gotta think big, friend! Don't get so bogged down in the little stuff. Kirkwall's busting at the seams with work for someone who knows how to find it!" I noticed his eyes shined when he got excited and couldn't help but feel the flutter of hope twitter at my center.

"I take it you're someone who knows how to find it?" He only smirked in reply. I tried to think of a way to put my next words delicately but, they kind of fell out of my mouth, "How do I know I can trust you?"

He only smiled more, "If this goes down, I'll be by your side every step of the way... if you want me to be. That way if you ever even think I might be betraying you, I'll be close at hand." I felt my eyes narrow as I took in the dwarf. No beard, fine clothes, and more gold in his ears than I had in my purse. I nodded once.

"Okay I'll trust you for now. But I think, if we're going to be partners, we should get to know one another better." He smirked as his eyes turned dark.

"It's the chest hair isn't it," he chuckled slightly as his hands moved toward his chest, "alas my fair lady, I never mix business with pleasure. And this will be a purely business arrangement." At the last statement he lost all of his charm and looked at me seriously.

I blushed so hard I was nearly dizzy, "Oh no… I didn't mean… I mean…" I stumbled and stammered as he regained his witty smirk.

"Oh, but the lady doth protest much." He replied flirtingly.

"Can we get on with it?" Carver's voice cut though my flustering and he looked harshly at me. "How can you trust him so quickly?"

___Why do you have to be such a bleeding heart?_

"We have little choice," I frowned pushing the memories away. I forced a smirk and playfully elbowed him in the side, "Let's get to know our new partner and have some fun. To the Hanged Man? You're much more fun when you're drinking." I started moving off.

"Coincidence then, I happen to have my very own suite at the Hanged Man. Norah's an old friend, and never a business partner." He chuckled as my ears started their trek back to pink, "You know, I tend to avoid underground places like the Deep Roads, being born on the surface here. It tends to make me itchy, being underground for too long."

"I can't imagine I'll enjoy it down there, but I'll do whatever it takes to get my family out of Lowtown."

We conversed as we made the short trek to the bar. He told me a bit about himself, I told him a bit about myself, Carver just mostly looked bored, but I could tell he was interested when the dwarf would mention anything about gambling and thievery. Varric surprised both Carver and I by retelling a few tales he had heard in the underground from his contacts in the Red Iron about us, revealing this to be the reason he knew we were a safe bet as business partners. By the end of the night I had to lead a very drunken Carver back home and explain to mother what had happened. If she voiced a concern I was too far gone to receive it, and she didn't mention it but in passing again.

My dreams that night were about mountains of gold with inner pathways of silver, like a maze. I could hear Bethany, Carver's twin sister, encouraging me not to give up hope. She was always like that, supportive but fearful.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Still trying to get the formatting down. Thanks for the reviews so far! I'm trying to make the story move a little faster, there's just so much that happens in my head. Don't worry soon the characters will be able to converse _telepathically_! Not really but hey, it could happen.

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... But I swear it need to hold onto it's marbles better...**

* * *

The silent falling tear shifted my focus from memories to the real world. I heard the soft whisper of cloth a good minute before Merrill came around the tree I was leaning against. She didn't acknowledge me but stood vigil by my side. We stayed like that for a good while, me wondering at the memory that gripped me so painfully, her eyes scanning the near darkness under the full moon. Minutes passed as we both seemed to wander in our thoughts.

* * *

_You can't save everyone! _My mother's words sang through my respite.

I was young, maybe 5 or 6, when the sounds of an argument woke me from my slumber. I checked on the twins to make sure they were still sleeping soundly and crept as soundlessly as only a child can through the small bedroom toward the sounds of the voices. I barely opened the door a crack and peered out.

Father was putting together a satchel of supplies and Mother was walking behind him, trying to speak in hushed tones but her voice kept cracking.

"Malcom! You can't save everyone! Think of the children! How will they feel being torn from another home?!" He paused at her words, I watched as his face crumbled from determination to pity.

"I just can't let them go alone. There is dark magic in that ruin, Leandra. They will die without protection." I didn't know what he was talking about but I knew my father. He would do anything he could to help someone. It's the way he was.

"Just because you overheard that they _might_ be heading out there doesn't mean they're going... Just wait, just for one more night, Love, please..." But her pleading tones could not sway him.

"Leandra-" He began plaintively, but she cut him off.

"Don't '_Leandra_' me! You promised after the last wild goose chase that you would be more focused on your _family_!" Her voice hitched as he slung the satchel over his shoulder, "You promised me..." He took her in her arms and their voices quieted. I didn't understand why Mother wanted to keep him from helping. But at that age I didn't understand Templars and Apostates. I only knew that my father wanted to help someone, and if he didn't they would die. It was the last time he risked himself, he stayed his helping nature for the sake of us. For the sake of me and Bethany.

* * *

The thought of my sister tore me from the memory. I noticed fresh tears drying on my cheek as Merrill peered down at me. She seemed to realize the memory had passed and knelt to retrieve the forgotten ink and pen. "I will stand guard with you tonight Hawke, but if you should need to rest or if you feel… lost… I will watch alone." Smiling in a reassuring manner she turned.

"Merrill..." _I'm so sorry to have dragged you into this... away from your family_, but the words never cleared my constricted throat.

Her hand fluttered to my shoulder and she smiled sadly, "No need to apologize, Hawke." She straightened then frowned, "I'll bring you a fresh water skin as well." I nodded but didn't notice her return with the water. As soon as she turned a soft breeze blew and my journal fell open to the next page. _'Innocent' and 'Blood Mage' don't normally go hand in hand, but Maker save me, that's exactly how to describe her._ The words at the top of the page pulled me in once again.

* * *

Luckily, I had honed my healing skills over the years to sway them toward curing drowsiness and hangovers. A few moments after I was up, both Carver and I were ready to face the day. We washed, dressed, and were heading back to see Varric not long after Mother called us for the morning meal. I was sure she was going to scold us for being out so late but she was still lost in grief over Bethany, or the estate, or living with Gamlen. There was so much that had taken the fight out of her, it was tough to see. Neither Carver nor I were ready to face that particular problem so we fled to the Hanged Man.

"I wish there was more I could do for her." I mused as we walked the short distance.

"She brought most of it on herself. Leaving with father and forsaking her family. I'm glad you'll never do that, Sister." His words were harsh but his tone was light, apparently a night of drinking and camaraderie had torn him from his normal foul mood. I wasn't willing to press him about his true thoughts on the matter though. I knew he loved Mother and didn't really want to see her suffering any more than I did.

"That's only because if I stop watching over your shoulder for even a second you'll destroy what little life you have, Brother." I quipped sarcastically and he graced me with a chuckle.

"More's the pity I guess. Besides, I do not long to be the head of a household. Leave that to the women." He smirked playing along as we reached the door to the tavern.

I sighed in mock drama and rolled my eyes at him. "Oh you'll be the death of me one day, boy." I chuckled as we entered the near silent tavern.

We wandered up to find Varric already up, dressed, and polished for the day, going through a few pieces of paper scattered along the table in his suite.

"Hawke," he regarded me with a respectful nod, then a playful smile slid easily across his features as his eyes found my brother a few steps behind me, "Little Hawke." He addressed my brother and I just shook my head, moving to the side of the door and out of the line of fire shooting from my brother's eyes to the dwarf.

"Don't call me that."

He just chuckled and turned to address me, "I realize with all the stories being tossed around last night, our business arrangement got lost in the mix." He pushed a piece of paper towards me, "I was going over the numbers this morning and it looks like, to be a full partner, 50 sovereigns will be our goal. Also, I think we could use a decent map to the deep roads in this area-"

I cut him off from what seemed to be a well-planned speech, "I have matters to attend to as well. Can we speak of this on the road? I need to travel up to the Dalish camp on Sundermount."

He regarded me quizzically before replying with a shrug, "I guess. No place like the road to talk about business. Makes you feel like you're _actually_ doing something instead of just _talking_ about doing something. Besides, how you got conned into dealing with the Dalish sounds like a story I'm just dying to hear!"

Smirking I turned to Carver, "Do you think we should stop by and see Aveline on our way out-of-town?" He scoffed and pawed at the floor with his boot.

"Why would we do that? Not like she's been much of a friend to us these past few months. Ever since she signed on with the guard." I couldn't tell if he was still brooding over the 'Little Hawke' comment or if this was a new brood, so I just shrugged.

"Still I think it would be nice to see her. Besides, she's another source we could find work." He scoffed again.

"Whatever. I'm with you, Sister." He seemed as if to say more but our conversation was interrupted by Varric pushing past us.

"Whenever you two lovebirds are done." I rolled my eyes but Carver blanched slightly then shook himself.

"Maker, I hate you dwarf." He stated plainly which caused the dwarf boom a full-throated laugh. I just rolled my eyes closing the door to the suite behind us.

We made the short trek to the Viscount's keep in Hightown, Varric alternating between goading Carver and complimenting him. By the time we reached the Guard's Barracks I couldn't tell if Carver was going to kill him or profess his undying respect and loyalty. By the Maker he had a way with words. I quickly found Aveline looking over the duty roster, not that she was hard to miss with her orange hair and 'no bullshit' stare. Either she didn't noticed or didn't care about me approaching her.

"Aveline!" I called out moving toward her.

"Hello Hawke." She replied distantly.

"Okay what did I do now?"

"Huh?" She turned slightly shocked at my sarcastic tone. "Oh nothing, it just feels like we just spoke. I've been keeping tabs on you," she smirked at my mock hurt expression, then her expression turned wary, "watch out for Bartrand, that man is bad news."

"Hey!" Varric quipped feigning insult, but then chuckled, "Oh wait no, continue."

Aveline just blinked at the dwarf, her 'no bullshit' stare was back, her eyes didn't turn from the dwarf as she addressed me, "Friend of yours then?"

I nodded, "Aveline, meet Varric, soon to be business partner. Varric, this is my close friend of the family, Aveline." She rolled her eyes and but regarded me warmly.

"Hawke… " I could practically hear Varric's mouth watering at the hint of yet another story. Aveline sighed and leaned back against a wall, "What I mean to say is people like Bartrand can rarely be trusted. He's managed to get most of Lowtown in a buzz over the prospect of this _expedition_ he's planning." The word slid uncomfortably off her tongue and she rolled her eyes.

I looked down, bringing my hand up to rub the headache that threatened to start forming at the prospect of defending my choices, as I so often needed to do with the Law-And-Order-ness of her. "I can't argue with you before lunch anymore Aveline, it makes my head hurt for the rest of the day. Lemme just say that I'm not a kid anymore, I know what it's going to take to get my family out of Gamlen's hovel." I turned my wary expression on her and her eyes softened slightly.

"I know your not a child, but I look out for my friends." She smiled warmly, "Well if you need any help, let me know. Maker knows I could use some more rewarding work. I don't know if I stepped on someone's toes or what, but they've had me on nothing but dead patrols for the last 2 weeks."

I mulled over her words for a moment then smiled, "Well if you've got time, I need to head up Sundermount to take care of..." my voice trailed off as my eyes flicked to Varric then back to Aveline, "well, you know. That's where the Dalish are camped." Aveline shifted uncomfortably but nodded her assent.

"I've got the time today, besides it'll give me a chance to catch you up on some of the dealings going on around here." She pushed away from the wall and headed for the staircase out of the Barracks, both of us ignored Varric's pout, but I did smirk at him as we walked from the Viscount's Keep and headed for the city gates.

We passed the time up the mountainside chatting. Aveline, Carver, and I recounted our flight from Lothering, including the fall of Bethany. Even Aveline's eyes got misty, but she adopted a steely tone as she recounted the witch, Asha'bellanar, and what came after with her husband.

_You can't save everyone!_

Varric recounted what he knew about a Grey Warden in the city and told us he had a map we could use to get into the Deep Roads. He mentioned a woman in Lowtown who might know of his whereabouts. I figured we could go chat her up on our way back from the Dalish.

Aveline prattled on for a bit about highwaymen waiting for a caravan of some sort not far from where we would be traveling, but we decided it was best to take care of our business with the Dalish before pursuing that tidbit of information. Besides, she said it wouldn't become a problem for at least another day or so and she wanted to gather some more information about the caravan routes.

My poor, sweet brother mainly brooded and made whiny comments to Aveline about not being able to join the guard until Varric saved us all by piquing his interested in gambling, the two of the prattled the last of our walk away, talking about some card game called Wicked Grace. Aveline and I were just thankful to have some peace from Carver's incessant moodiness. We spoke a little as we neared the path to the mountain's summit, about my mother, Gamlen, our plans for the future… we avoided the topic of the dead, best to let Wesley, her husband, and Bethany rest peacefully at the side of the Maker.

We stopped for lunch near where the Dalish camp was rumored to be. The four of us ate in a companionable silence broken only by the call of the birds, the rustle of the trees in the breeze, and the ever-present roll of the ocean at the base of the mountain, who carried her song even up to these heights. I looked over my companions, regarding each one in turn and marveling at how I managed to find such people in this crazy world. I eyed the dwarf a bit more than the others, still trying to decide if he was a good dwarf or someone who would turn on me. I guess I just needed to see him fight. That always showed the true quality of a person. Whether they would have your back and keep you safe or ignore you're safety and pursue the glory themselves.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N : **See I'm learning! Also, I got some great tips on how to use breaks and finally figured out how to make what I see be what YOU see too! Now I just need to figure out how to name the chapters. And keep them from getting so terribly long.

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... But I want the color green back. I really like that color.**

* * *

I felt the memories rushing forward quickly, Merrill crying over a dead body, Fenris's hand plunged elbow deep into a person's chest, Sebastian's eyes as he loosed an arrow, Isabela clutching a large tome… the memories becoming a jumble as a weight on my shoulder tore me from them. The last thing I saw before glancing up from my thoughts were _his_ eyes, filled to the brim with sorrow and distress. I blinked before recognizing a different pair of eyes looking down at me.

"Welcome back Hawke." Varric's gruff voice fell from slightly smirked lips, but all I could see were the shadows surrounding his eyes, mirroring my own. I frowned and avoided eyecontact as he continued, "I have to go back." he stated plainly, with no preamble. I only nodded not looking up. "Someone needs to tell them, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't And-" I cut him off before he could say the name, my chest wracking me with pain that shot all through my body, _his eyes_.

"That's fine, I understand, I've been waiting for you to say something for days. There's no one I trust more with this story. Make them understand. Please Varric." I started talking speaking quickly to cut him off, my eyes jerked up to meet his as I felt a sort of pleading entering them, he just smiled again and nodded once.

"I'll make sure it's told right Hawke. I promise. But they'll need to hear the whole thing. I cannot influence them one way or another." He looked so serious, far from his light and sarcastic self. _I did this to him,_ I thought before I could stop myself, another tear streaked down before I could stop it, joining the others that had already stained my face.

"I know."

"I already said goodbye to the others, Carver is anxious about you being out here alone." He paused, regarding me carefully before continuing; "I've done all I can for now." He paused, concern evident on his features before he forced a sad smile, "take care of yourself, Hawke."

"As I take care of us all." I muttered, I waited for him to turn his back to me before letting my chin fall to my chest and closing my eyes against the anguish in my heart. "Merrill." I said softly, knowing she was not far away.

"Yes?" She seemed to materialize from the shadows; she was always so good in the woods.

"Please keep Carver company for a while, and see if Isabela can take a watch as well. You've been watching all day." I didn't look up as I spoke but I heard her nod, a rustle of her hair as it swooshed along her neck. She turned but I could still feel her eyes on me, she paused, I heard her intake of breath as she prepared to say something but her words never came. She started walking off and I returned my thoughts to my book, this time letting the memories take me away.

* * *

I was staring at the gold lining her face. The way the images seemed to pop out of her weather-warn skin. She was old but still formidable and her voice cracked as she spoke. "Yes, I can see it in your eyes, there is a light in your heart, young one. Take care that it does not go out."

I was speaking with Marethari, Keeper of this clan of Dalish. I had taken great care in my words to her as she questioned me. I had already recounted, briefly, the story of the witch and how I came by the amulet she now held aloft in her hand. I asked my questions in return, though her answers made little sense to me. Something about listening to the birds? And something about not forgetting… debts? Promises? I was too busy trying to figure out the pattern on her face, the gold shimmering distractingly in the noontime sun.

"You must take the amulet to the peak of the mountain, and there preform a rite to the departed." she smiled slightly as my brow quirked in confusion, "Do not trouble yourself with the rite, simply take care that my First makes it to the summit with you. Merrill is awaiting you on the mountain path." She held the amulet back to me. I was reluctant to take it, it felt wrong. In the end I felt silly just staring at it in her hand.

"What does that mean? 'Your First'?" I asked as I plucked the amulet from her palm.

"Your kind would call her my 'heir', or perhaps 'apprentice'. She would have taken my place as Keeper had her path not wandered from my side. When you complete the rite, return the amulet to me. Then I must ask a favor of you." Her eyes looked clouded as she spoke. "When your task here is complete I must ask that you take her with you, to the city. For that is where her path leads her next."

I felt my face looking stupidly at her as I was struck with the audacity of her words. "You want me to take her to the city? Does she want this?"

"This is the path she has chosen. I would see her safely to the city or send my own hunters with her but we are feared and mistreated amongst the humans and I wish to keep all people safe. If I sent her with hunters, they would likely quarrel with the humans, if I send her alone she will likely get waylaid in the forest or swallowed by the creatures that haunt the paths, and my place is here, seeing to the safety of all my clan." She said plainly as if it was the most logical choice.

I shook my head, even as I agreed, "I will take her after the rite, but only if she wishes to travel with me." The keeper nodded and pointed a long, slender finger toward one of the paths leading out of the camp behind her.

"Then that is your way. Dareth shiral." She said as I moved away, wondering at the meaning of her words.

We had only taken a few strides up the path before I heard a sound, like the tinkling of bells but less jarring or one long note drifting from a wood pipe but more metallic. I wondered at it as an elf unfolded herself from the side of the path.

"Oh! I hardly heard you coming. You must be the Shem-" her face blanched, "human, I mean person!" Her impossibly large eyes got even larger as she held her hands out before her shaking her head. "Great, insult them before they even meet you." I blinked, giving her a perplexed look. "I mean to say, you must be the person the Keeper told me about. Aneth ara." She bowed slightly, glancing at the ground at my feet, her hands fluttering out from her body like a birds wings with one foot crossed behind her opposite ankle, the movement looked like a cross between a bow and a curtsey but entirely graceful on her lithe frame. As she stood to face me again she gasped and my eyebrows shot up, "Oh dear! I forgot to ask her your name. Is it rude to ask a human their name? I'm afraid I know little about your customs. I –" She stopped herself and closed her mouth as I chuckled warily at her tripping over herself. I could have sworn I heard Carver stifling a giggle, and he never giggled.

"It's quite alright, and actually polite to ask a human their name when at a first greeting. I'm Ambrosia, Rose to my friends, but most people nowadays call me Hawke." I smiled warmly and held my hand out to her. She looked down at it and frowned.

She paused for only a moment before smiling brightly and stating "I'm Merrill." She thrust her hand in a similar gesture while I choked back another laugh. "Oh, but you probably already knew that!" She yanked her hand back covering her mouth in her surprise. "I'm sorry, I'm just so nervous. As I said I haven't had many encounters with humans before. And I'm rambling. Sorry." She looked down, eyes either sad or pained. I tilted my head to the side and regarded her before smiling broadly.

"Fear not Merrill, we all experience nervousness during new encounters. For example, your Keeper just stared me in the eyes for near a minute, it was quite odd. Where I come from people only do that when they want another person to know they are _interested_ in them." I said with a wink.

"Oh she probably was interested in you." She replied innocently, I felt my eyes blink wide. "It is her place as Keeper to read a person's heart before sharing our secrets with them." She prattled on, either not noticing or not understanding my meaning.

"Oh," was all I could think to say. When she didn't offer any more explanation I spoke again, "So what does a First do exactly?"

"As Keeper, it is Marethari's duty to keep the knowledge of the old ways of our people alive. As her First it was my task to study these ways and prepare to take her place. I know the lore of the Dalish, and things that will assist us in our trek to the summit." I nodded and almost laughed again as I noticed her bite the inside of her cheek to keep from rambling again.

"I see. Well don't worry about being nervous around me, I like honesty." I tried to keep the smile from ruining the truth of my words but she smiled back and nodded.

"Right. Shall we then? It's a long climb to the summit. I hope you wore comfortable shoes..."

We wandered up the path but didn't get far before we were set upon by a group of skeletons. I moved to a defensive stance behind Carver and Aveline, Varric moved a little away but, to my surprise, Merrill took his place. She seemed lost in concentration as lightning started to pour from the moist air around us, none of it touched us but I could see it wreaking havoc on the crusted bones of the skeletons around us. I tore my gaze from her just as Carver and Aveline rushed into the fray. I lobbed my own cone of icicles around them, freezing the bones of the few that gathered at their backs, careful in my concentration to not let the jagged spikes interfere with Carver's great sword or Aveline's bouncing steps. I was preparing an ice bolt to hurl at one of the gruesome archers as the skeleton in front of me burst into icy bits, pierced by an arrow by Varric.

The battle didn't last long, it more served to invigorate us than to exhaust us. When the last of the skeletons fell to dust I turned to Merrill with a satisfied smile. "So nice to meet another mage!" My voice high with excitement. She smiled mirthfully at first but then her eyes turned, just a bit, troubled.

"Yes well, all Keepers know a bit of old magic. It's one of the reasons I was chosen as her First." She looked shocked again and blushed, "I didn't hit anyone did I? I'm sorry! I'm not used to fighting... W-With others I mean. I've fought before. But always… alone." She looked down. I was surprised how her facial expressions could take me with her as her moods changed, from bright and bubbly to forlorn.

I smirked, "Oh you didn't hit any of us, and please! Keep turning skeletons into toads for us!" Varric laughed full throated as Carver groaned.

"Oh but I didn't -! Oh right. You were joking." She smiled again. We turned to continue on our trek as my thoughts turned to Kirkwall and bringing another mage into the Templar infested city.

"What about demons? Are the Dalish plagued by them?" She paused before stepping up next to me, Aveline and Carver trotted in front of us, our path was clear and I didn't mind them leading lest another group of gruesome creatures attack.

"Not just demons, all spirits of the beyond plague all creatures. Those of magic and those of dreams. It's a terrible thing to become possessed. When it happens we must hunt down our own Keeper… and slay them." I just nodded. "But surely it is the same with mages from other races?" She formed it as a question so I nodded.

"My father used to tell me to never agree to deals in my sleep. 'That's when you're the most vulnerable', he used to scold. But we don't have Keepers or Firsts. We have the Circles of Magi."

"Oh yes, and from them stem the Templars." She paused and didn't seem ready to give up more so I probed for more information.

"Do the Templars know then? About the mages in the Dalish."

"Oh," she said softly, her voice turning dark, "They know. That's one of the reasons we move around so much. If we stay in one place for too long then the Templars come for us and we are forced to fight. We don't like fighting with Shem- I mean humans." She frowned, "At least not so many at once... We may be quick, but your kind can be brutal." I nodded fighting not to glance up at my brother's broad back or Aveline's steel shield. "But they usually don't come for us if we stay away from the more densely populated areas. When we keep to the forests, they leave us alone."

"But knowing all that you would still want to accompany me to Kirkwall? Deep in the city with the most Templars?" She looked shocked but nodded, I guess I forgot to tell her I knew of her plan.

"Yes. But if I don't go to Kirkwall I'll be alone. I –" she shook her head before continuing "One solitary being is easy prey. But a mage? More squishy than most I'm afraid." But she didn't offer any more and I didn't want to press her.

Over the next bend we saw an interesting sight. One of the Dalish hunters blocked our path, warming himself by the fire. The looks he shot Merrill as we approached would have destroyed lesser beings but Merrill kept her head high.

"Greetings Imoran." She said brightly as we approached, I couldn't guess at her mood but I didn't like the way the hunter was scowling at her.

"Merrill," he spat her name almost as a curse, "finally found someone willing to put up with you, huh?" His accusing eyes turned to me, "Are you going to finally be the one to take her away from here?" I glared back but Merrill stepped in front of me, drawing the hunters eyes from my own.

"Yes."

Varric took a slightly defensive stance, ready to pull out his crossbow at any moment, "I'm sensing a story here." I was reminded of how he was in the alleyway yesterday. But the Imoran and Merrill were staring at each other, him scowling, her keeping her face blank.

It took only a moment before he bodily brushed passed her, "Good riddance!"

"It was my choice to make, and I will save our clan, our people, whatever happens." Her eyes were following him pleadingly but his scowl only deepened as he huffed down the path. I half hoped we'd left a skeleton or two for him.

"So… Nice mountain you have here, very… _mountainous_." Varric chirped up as he placed himself between the hunter and Merrill, turning to watch him go.

Her eyes downcast she sighed, "I'm sorry, you're really not seeing us at our best. The Dalish I mean. We really are closer than this, and we watch out for one another. They just don't agree with my methods. Which is why I must leave." She seemed about to say more but Carver boldly placed a hand on her shoulder and smiled down at her.

"No worries, we'll make sure you make it to Kirkwall safely." He smiled reassuringly at her and her smile matched his. I balked but noticed the way his eyes softend and his mood seemed lighter than the moody brother I was used to. Perhaps he liked her... but they'd only just met... I rolled my eyes at the whole affair. I only hoped he didn't hurt the poor lass. She was so innocent after all.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **So this chapter kind of got away from me so I split it into two edible chunks. I'm really trying to keep the chapters manageable. But my head is so full that I can't help it!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... and has anyone seen my keys?**

* * *

I blinked out of the memories momentarily as a bit of bark fell onto the opened journal in my lap. I glanced up, searching for the source. A night squirrel was scratching at somethon on the branch. I didn't have the energy to even brush aside the offending bark chip. I was physically drained from the flight from Kirkwall, emotionally drained from the events that forced us to flee, and mentally drained from the onslaught of these memories. _Blood Mage. _The word was underlined by the bark and I sighed softly letting the rest of the memory take me under.

* * *

Before long we reached the edge of a cave, Merrill told us it was the only way to reach the summit so in we went. We mostly chatted about the differences and similarities between the Dalish and Humans in the respites between battles with spiders, shades, and skeletons. Varric listened with interest, and my brother even brightened his mood enough to chat with her. I noticed that his eyes weren't wary like they had always been around me and my sister when we spoke of magic. It seemed we all wanted to get to know our companion a little better. _She's so innocent!_ I caught myself thinking on more than one occasion in the short time it took us to get from the base of the trail to the end of the cave.

As we broke from the cave and turned toward the summit we encountered a barrier of bluish white light, it felt like something out of the Fade and I shrank away from it nervously, my brother pondering at my sudden change of mood.

"What is it, Sister?" He asked with true concern.

"The barrier, it feels like the Fade." I said as Merrill approached it and ran her fingers along the edge of it.

"I can open the barrier." She said purposefully, none of us noticed as she pulled a hidden dagger from the edge of her belt but when she dragged the blade across her forearm I heard Carver and Aveline gasp. For my part I could only watch in wonder. I'd always hidden from the power of the blood, it was the surest way to the demons, but I couldn't help but wonder. The power I felt tore a gasp from my lips. I felt the rawness of the power build, a tight tingling sensation laced the air around me, as if I was being caressed... but it felt wrong... like having to stand still while a total creep brushes by you. I slammed my shileds into place more forcefully at the wrongness and intimacy of the sensaion, but I could still see it in my mind's eye. I watched as the shimmer of power swam around the slight woman and slammed into the bluish barrier. It shivered and then burst into sparkling dust, tinkling away to the ground. I could no longer feel the fade but it was replaced by her power.

Varric chuckled darkly and shook his head, "Always a catch." I carefully schooled my face back to neutral before anyone could look away from her. She turned back to us, the cut already healed, her head held high in defiance.

"Blood magic." Aveline whispered then turned her head and spat, Carver looked like a crushed puppy.

"Yes, but I know what I'm doing." She replied, but her proud demeanor started to crack as she searched each of us, looking for understanding.

"Are you crazy? Or just naïve?" I wondered aloud, not accusatory but astonished, her power was still receding and I could feel it in the air even through my shields.

"It was just… I'm not… I know what I'm doing." She repeated plaintively, "Besides, it helped us didn't it?"

Everyone avoided her gaze, but Merrill's eyes found mine, pleading. "It always does, until it turns on you." I smiled sadly. "No point in dwelling on it now. What's done is done and we still have promises to keep."

"You can't expect me to –" Carver started but I just shot him a look.

"It'll be okay, besides you have me here to protect you." I smiled, softening my look. Merrill just looked away and toward the swirling mists that covered the path down to the summit, Carver grit his teeth but wisely kept his mouth closed.

She sighed deeply, her eyes filled to the brim with a sorrow I did not understand. The three of us just watched her as the bluish dust slolwy faded, each of us lost in our own thoughts. Eventually, she straightened, drawing my attention back to her, and took a few steps, her voice a bit more forlorn than it was in the caves, "In the olden days the elders came here to sleep. Uthenera... the restless dream... But they don't sleep peacefully anymore. Restless things prowl the heights and our hunters have barely been able to make it to the mouth of the cave. Well, I suppose you saw." She smirked, trying to lighten the mood. "In the days of old this was a place of healing and light, but that was before the wars bloodied these mountain paths and turned even the spirits against one another." She mused as we made our way to a small grave site, I looked around but didn't tarry, the Veil was thin here and I could feel it, it seemed we all could. Well except Varric who just started humming some tune. I shook my head again at the people I seemed to collect. I'd decided Varric wasn't someone I should worry about. I glanced at the mage who was leading us. How much could I trust someone who openly called demons with her blood?

We came to a small clearing where an altar rested overlooking the valley below, and distantly the city itself. After dispatching a modest group of more skeletons and even a caster, we were nearly ready to begin the rite. By now the sun had begun its slow trek to the western border of the sky. It looked so peaceful and serene I drew in a breath and blew out a wish that we would all reach our goals, whatever they may be, and still be together, as friends and family.

"When you are ready, place the amulet on the altar and I'll preform the rite." Merrill's voice cut through my daydream of mountains of gold. I placed the amulet down and nodded, stepping back to where Merrill indicated as she turned and half-closed her eyes.

"_Hahren na melana sahlin,_

_Emma ir abelas souver'inan issala hamin vhenan him dor'felas,_

_In uthenera na revas."_

As she chanted the air around the mountain swirled and a rumbling began, whether from the sky or the stone, I could not tell. I was so enchanted by her words, I didn't even think to look around us. As she spoke the last word, she placed a magic tinged finger over the amulet. Smoke and Fire billowed all around us, but neither heat nor clogging airways plagued us. The air thickened and became near black as the fires swirled and shrank, centering over the amulet. From the depths of the chaos I could see a faint golden outline in a familiar shape taking form. Then out of the amulet crawled the witch... Asha'bellanar... Flemeth. Merrill immediately dipped into her bowing-curtsey thing as the witch's eyes cooly surveyed us all.

"One… of the people…" she spoke, not unkindly.

"Andaran atish'an, Asha'bellanar." Merrill stated, not rising from her lowered position.

"So young… and bright. I wonder, do you know who I am beyond that title?"

"I know only a little."

"I see. Rise then. The People bend their knee too quickly." Her cold eyes turned then to me as she smirked, "It's so nice to find someone who can hold up their end of a bargain. I almost expected my amulet to wind up in some merchants pocket, or pack."

I couldn't help but think how interesting this woman was, I wondered at her story, though Aveline had told me much of it, pieces just didn't seem real. I smirked back, "Well I _tried_ to sell it. But it seems no one wants to buy a dusky amulet with a witch inside of it."

She chuckled, full of mirth. But her laughter was short lived as her eyes narrowed and she regarded me coolly, "Not all of me, just a piece, a bit of flotsam to cling to in the storm."

I fought the urge to shiver, "Why not just come yourself then?" My voice wavered a bit and dropped to just above a whisper under the frightful thoughts that threatened to worm into my brain.

Her eyes narrowed, piercing through my guise but she smiled, "I had an appointment to keep, and I did not want to be followed. If I know my Morrigan, she surely would have. You smuggled me here quite nicely."

I blinked, "Who's Morrigan?"

"Just a girl who thinks she knows what's what more than I, or anyone else, does." She smirked again and she seemed to be looking far away though her eyes were still on mine. They snapped back to attention as her mirth faded again, "And why shouldn't she? I raised her to be as such."

"Is she your daughter then? Or your enemy?" Aveline piped up, drawing the witch's gaze.

"I'm not sure even _she_ could tell you."

"I don't understand," Aveline said, conversationally, "Are you really here?" I knew the answer because I had felt the magics, the energies of the witch. But I let Flemeth answer.

She laughted heartily, "Oh yes, I'm really here. And why not? Must I be in only one place?" Her voice lowered to a coo as she regarded my brother and Varric, "Bodies are such limiting things." Her gaze slithered over the men and I heard more than saw both of the men shudder under her gaze. "Ah but who among you can understand?" Her eyes paused on me before she turned back to Aveline, "Know only that you may have saved my life, as I once saved yours." I turned slightly to see Aveline's eyes lower to the ground; I knew the look she gave meant she was thinking of Wesley. "An even trade I think." The witch concluded as though she hadn't noticed.

Turning my gaze back to the witch I hid my own pang of sorrow, _Bethany_, "You have plans I take it?" I stated when I noticed her scrutinizing gaze.

She only smirked and whispered, "Destiny awaits us both it seems." She paused and looked me over again, her eyes narrowing to near slits before regarding me coolly again. "Before I go, will you accept a bit of advice from this old, old woman?" I nodded, not trusting my voice, her eyes got the same distant look as they had on the plain of scorched darkspawn and her voice rang with a hollowness known only to mystics from the stories, "We stand upon a precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment, and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. For only when we fall do we learn if we can fly." Her eyes hardened as she said the last and her gaze took us all in once again, lingering on the dwarf before she turned her back to us.

"Says the dragon." Carver muttered under his breath.

Without turning back she chuckled again, "We all have our challenges... and regrets. When the time comes for _your_ regrets, remember me." I knew with utter certainty she was speaking only to Carver. She opened her arms to the valley below but stopped and turned to Merrill. "Ah yes, I nearly forgot. A bit of advice for you as well, child. Step carefully. No path is darker than when your eyes are shut."

"Ma serannas, Asha'bellanar." Merrill replied respectfully.

"Hmmmm…" She narrowed her eyes at Merrill this time, but there was a thoughtful expression on her face. As she turned the last time, I knew with a certainty I would not see her near Kirkwall again. "As I take my leave, you have my thanks…. And my sympathy." The last was meant for me. I felt it in my bones. I couldn't tear my gaze away as the golden shimmer radiated from within her form, transforming her from the old woman with a slight frame to the grand dragon who then leapt into the sky without a backwards glance. We watched quietly as her form disappeared into the mountains beyond the valley.

We made our way back down the mountain, each of us lost in our own musings about the witch. Barely a word was uttered as I handed over the amulet, the Keeper seemed to know what had happened, and I didn't want to repeat any of what was shared in that small graveyard atop the mountain. She only assured me my debt was paid in full and pleaded with Merrill to stay. Merrill had made up her mind though and, sadly but proudly, left the only home she had ever known to join us in our merry band. Once the mountain was behind us Varric started up his normal jokes and stories. I was lost in my musings but both Carver and Merrill seemed more than willing to partake in his mirth. We paused just inside the gates and I purchased everyone a meat pie to share on our walk to take Merrill to the Alienage where she would make her home. Merrill could barely eat hers; her excitement overwhelmed her as she rushed this way and that, trying to look at everything at once. She apologized at her behavior stating only, "This is my first time inside a real city!" But her mood darkened to that of near horror as we neared the Alienage. I pitied her but didn't say anything about it, the way her moods went from light to dark, I didn't want to be the one to get her stuck on the dark side.

"Elgar'nan. Is this –" she began, her eyes surveying the poorly kept surroundings of her new home, "Is this really where the elves live?" Her voice was so lost, so small and the look on her face… it was a mix between terror and you-just-kicked-my-puppy.

Varric shrugged, "It's better than some other parts. Just wait until you see the Undercity. You'll feel more blessed than ever!" He smirked, but his jokes couldn't shake her from her mood.

"It's just so… so… I've never seen so many people in one place and yet it looks so lonely."

I smiled softly, "Don't worry, you're already making fast friends, you've got me, Carver, Aveline… You'll make more soon enough."

"I… I guess… I should thank you. For everything, your help I mean." I nodded slightly, keeping a soft smile on my face until she smiled back. "Will you come visit me? Not now I mean, but later, maybe? I could use a friend?" I fought the urge to glance at Carver but he spoke up anyways.

"Of course we will Merrill." His voice rumbled but I noticed his smile as I turned to him.

"Oh thank you. All of you." She smiled at Varric and Aveline too before a shocked look appeared through her appreciation, "Oh, I'm thanking you too much aren't I?" She chuckled, "I mean it though." Turning she approached her house and we turned away.

"I should get back up to the barracks, and don't you three have a Grey Warden to hunt down?" Aveline stated plainly.

Nodding I turned to Varric, "So take me to this Lirene." He nodded indicating to Aveline.

"She's just next to the steps to Hightown if you can handle our company for a bit longer?" He jibed at her with his finger.

She rolled her eyes but smiled playfully, "Ah who could resist an offer like that?"

"I could," Carver brooded turning from Merrill's door. "But I'll stick by my sister's side for now. Lest she be brought low by one of your tricks dwarf. Maker knows what would happen if the proud leader of my family were to be taken by the hungers of a dwarf." He brooded, rolling his eyes.

"You know Carver," he started moving us toward the exit of the Alienage, "You're looking at this younger sibling thing all wrong. Take it from me, I'm a professional younger brother."

"Where ever this is going dwarf, is not somewhere I want to be."

"No really! Think about it! When something goes wrong, as it inevitably does, think of where the fingers get pointed? To the person in charge! Besides, have you ever seen the face of a King? You can just tell from their expressions they are not truly the ones leading the kingdom, just the faces for the public to rally behind."

"Oh so in this analogy my sister is a Queen? Marvelous." He scoffed.

Varric sighed and rolled his eyes up to Carver, "The point, you're missing it." Aveline stifled a giggle and I just rolled my eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Well I made up my mind. Besides I think we were already heading in this direction. Thanks again to everyone who has reviewed and sent me messages! You're approval keeps me writing. Not that I really think I could stop at this point.

* * *

A chill on the night air pulled me from my thoughts, and a tightness in my chest kept me from them as I turned the page. I closed my eyes before reading the opening to this journal entry, but as the honey-dipped chocolate eyes swam into my vision once more, my eyes shot open. I glanced down to see the words, but I didn't need to read them. I remembered my hand shaking as I wrote, my blood racing in my veins, and Carver's snoring in the back ground. _Why are all the good one's either taken or abominations?!_

* * *

_Never accept a deal in your sleep_.

He would whisper that at the end of every story as he put me and Bethany to bed. The story always started with two princesses, middle-d with a light and fluffy adventure, and ended with a happily ever after. But then he would kiss us on our foreheads and smile down at us.

"Remember, my little princesses, control your dreams, don't let them control you. And never accept a deal in your sleep." Bethany would shiver but I would smile proudly.

"Yes Father." We would reply in unison before closing our eyes and drifting into the Fade.

* * *

We arrived at the door of Lirene's shop just as the Chantry bells rang out the time.

"Maker's breath, eight already? I better hurry if I want to make it to my night post in time." Aveline nodded as she moved quickly up the stairs. "You know where to find me if you need me Hawke!" She called over her shoulder, waving as she hurried off.

"And then there were three." Varric chimed and the last of the bell rang off the stone walls surrounding us, "well there's nothing for it but forward, eh?" His smirk was back as his eyes swooped from Carver to me, "so let's find this Warden and get to drinking. I promised Carver a lesson in losing tonight!"

Carver scoffed, "You wish, now that I understand the rules." Varric chuckled as I reached for the handle.

The light and noise startled me as we pushed into the crowded room I heard a woman crying plaintively for someone to help her mother deliver a child and a man complain loudly that he hadn't had any decent bread for days. I shook my head at the misery of these people but pushed forward to the woman who was obviously in charge. Her gaze swept over me appraisingly before settling on my face.

"Ferelden, huh? Well looks like you've done well for yourself, given the state of your countrymen." She held her hand up as I drew breath to start speaking, "I can't give priority to those who've already found work, serrah."

"I didn't come here for help, I came for information. I'm looking for a Grey Warden. He's rumored to be here in Kirkwall. I am in need of his advice and his assistance."

"Grey Warden huh? Only Grey Warden I know sits upon the throne in Denerim." Her eyes turned cautious but I could see the understanding in her eyes, she knew I spoke of no king.

A small, mousy woman to my left piqued up, "The Healer. He's a Grey Warden inn't he?" Lirene regarded her coldly, if looks could kill…

"Used to be. He's not one anymore." She turned to glare at me, "And I'll not send someone after him if they mean to disrupt him. He's the only one we've got, he gives his energy and his help without a thought to himself or to payment. I'll not turn him over to the pawns of the Templars."

I felt the soft smile as I held my hand up, letting my energies condense in the palm of my hand, "I will turn no mage over to the Templars, serrah."

Her eyes did not warm, nor did they soften as she waved her hand, "Well it's not like he keeps himself hidden, Maker save him. All those who suffering is great enough know, to find the Healer, simply head to Darktown. His light will guide them, if their need is great enough." She turned to the next person in line, dismissing me and my friends.

"Before I go, is there some way I can help?" I chimed, turning her attention back to me.

"There's a donation box near the door, every little bit helps. And I sell some wares from Ferelden here, but I cannot give them to people who have already found a place in Kirkwall." I nodded in a reply and backed away toward the door, dropping a few silver into the box before making my way out.

As I turned to head down the stairs after leaving Lirene's shop, Varric poked my side and pointed toward a group of rough-looking Ferelden's heading our way from across the square. "Oi!" The leader shouted toward me as we turned to face him. I dropped into a slightly defensive stance but Carver placed his hand on my shoulder and shook his head. The group of them stopped a few paces away, "You are the one's looking for the Healer? I heard you in there, we'll not see the one good thing we've got be sold off to the Templars!"

"We would no sooner harm him as we would see tragedy befall our countrymen." Carver spoke, holding his hands out to the side, palm facing the rough group.

"You're… You are Ferelden?" The leader looked back to his followers in shock, "I didn't know… I mean… Your clothes… I just assumed you were from here!" He took a step back and bowed, "Maker keep our King Alistar!" He called out then turned to shoo the mob he had gathered away.

"Good job, Junior!" Varric cried, slapping Carver on the back.

"I just didn't think we needed to hurt them, they've been through so much already." He blushed looking away from the two of us.

Varric turned his jovial expression on me, "One pair of sweet eyes and a smile is all it takes to tame the most moody of us. Don't worry Junior, in my stories, I'll leave out the part where you turn into a big softie after meeting just one fair lass." I stifled a laugh as I headed down the stairs.

"Oh no you don't, dwarf! I've enough trouble being overshadowed as it is. I don't need to get buried under an imaginary… _me_!" I could almost see the shocked expression on his face and Varric's answering smirk.

"Don't you worry. I'm not in the habit of jotting down lullabies or children's stories. Besides, everyone knows the best story end in the hero's death. I just couldn't do that to ya Junior, you're too _interesting_ a character." He gwaffed heartily at my groan. Carver just huffed. The pair of them joked and jibed each other as we made our way to the Undercity.

I was surprised we didn't encounter any thieves or bandits on our way to the heart of the place, Darktown. We passed a group of hunger stricken youths who didn't even seem to have the strength to beg, a woman in a corner stood scolding a man, brandishing a dusty looking rolling-pin, "Don't like Darktown? Die and make room!" He cowered before and I looked away. I saw a beggar kneeling near a corner and knelt before him.

"Do you know where I can find the Healer?" I asked, he pointed vaguely around a corner and I dropped a silver into his outstretched hand before continuing on.

As we approached the Clinic I felt the familiar twang of magic in the air, I shivered slightly and turned to Carver and Varric but neither of them seemed to notice. I opened the door to the Clinic and looked around, carefully surveying my surroundings, as I always did when other magic was present. I noticed a small group of people gathered around a bright glow in the center of the room. I felt myself being pulled on the strings of the energies surrounding the room toward the group. They parted, as if by magic, on our approach giving us an un-obscured view of the events unfolding.

A boy of maybe 10 lay on the cot, his dark hair matted to a dusty, pain stricken face, one boil-filled, frail hand wrapped tightly around the hand of the woman who knelt by his side. The light and energies grew to a near tangible height before a small pop triggered in the back of my head, I watched the light bathe the child and saw the boils begin to fade, then disappear entirely. So intent was I on watching the recovery of the child that I barely looked up to the face of his savior.

The Healer's brow was creased and a few strands of dusty, matted, blondish hair fell over his face, the rest tied back, I caught glimpses of a strong jaw, pouted lips, and sad eyes as he worked himself to near exhaustion. A sharp gasp drew my attention back to the boy who, by this point, had regained a flush and healthy glow, all signs of pain vanished from his face and not a trace of the boils scarred his skin. I stood in awe of the power of this man. The boy laughed, cutting through the tense quite that had surrounded the chamber and grasped the woman, presumably his mother, by the neck. She hefted him, though he was nearly her size, and twirled him around in a circle. Both mother and child wore the same expression of pure joy.

I barely noticed their elation, my eyes were drawn to the Healer, he turned and his knees buckled slightly. A helper, or another healer perhaps, patted him on his back and offered him a skein of water. He sipped it and handed it back, pointing to a family in one of the far corners. I could feel Carver's unease at my back so I wandered forward taking note of this man's clothing, he wore the strangest robes I had ever seen! The top of his robes were covered in so many feathers and I couldn't help wondering how many poor birdies gave their lives to adorn him. My musings were short-lived as he quickly grabbed his staff and brandished it before him, turning to us.

"I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?!" His voice held the shadow of the Fade. I could hear it and it chilled me to my bone, I just stood there willing my body to not shake in the face of the dream world come to life. _His eyes are like honeyed chocolate_, I thought trying to distract myself from the cold chill that swept through my being.

"I thought Grey Wardens were all about Blight and Darkspawn, not healing and salvation." Varric's light tone and hand on my forearm brought me out of my fears as I looked down at him. He caught my eye with a nod and stepped to my side. "We've interest in the Deep Roads. A little birdy told me you've got a Warden's Map to the ones in this area. Could save my companions and me a lot of hurt and heartache if you do." He crossed his arms and tilted a twinkle into his eyes as he regarded the mage in front of us. Carver loomed behind us ready to draw his blade if needed.

The man in front of us blinked a few times then lowered his staff and hand, "Did the Warden's send you? You can tell them I've no interest in returning. Those blighters made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-A-Lot. He hated the Deep Roads."

Carver scoffed, "You had a cat. In the Deep Roads. Named Ser Pounce-A-Lot?" I could hear his voice growing more and more disbelieving as he struggled to envision the absurdity of it. I smiled and as the Healer's gaze passed over me, he seemed to linger on my face before addressing my brother.

"He was a gift from a… friend. A noble beast too! He swatted a genlock on the nose when it tried to rip him in half. Drew blood too!" He smiled and it softened his face.

"What happened to him?" I spoke up finally, finding myself more comfortable now that the magic and Fade-feeling had gone from the room.

"I had to give him to a friend in Amaranthine because the Warden's claimed he made me 'too soft'. Bastards." He looked down frowning, then back up, "so I'm not going back."

"We're not going to take you anywhere. We just want your maps. Is there some way I can buy them from you?" I heard Varric's sharp intake of breath as I offered to buy the map, he knew how little coin I had, but the Healer just shook his head.

"I don't need your coin. But there is… something… a favor for a favor perhaps?" He regarded me; eyes squinted as he folded his arms over his chest.

I turned to glance at Carver before answering, "Depends on the favor I think."

His eyes squinted again as if sizing me and my companions up before he nodded to himself, "I have a friend, Karl, a prisoner in the Gallows. I believe the Templars have learned of my plans to free him. Help me bring him safely past them and you shall have your maps."

"Storm the Gallows? Are you daft or something?" My brother cried from behind me.

"He's not in the Gallows. I mean, he won't be… I have made plans to meet him at the Chantry, tonight. All I need is someone to help… guard my back, while I get him out of the city."

"Oh so not storming the Gallows but murdering Templars in the street… that's much better." Carver scoffed again.

The Healer's expression hardened as he looked to each of us, finally seeing the pity on my face he softened his expression, "Only _if_ they try to stop us. Please?"

"Oh no. No way you're going to do this… Not a chance sist –"

"We'll help you." I said with finality in my voice and Varric chuckled though wisely did not give voice to his musings. Carver scoffed again.

"Thank you. My name is Anders by the way," he held his hand out to me and I shook it, carefully guarding my magic.

"I'm Hawke." Not trusting myself or him just yet, Varric shifted from foot to foot and I could tell he wanted to say more. "it is past nine by now, what time are you meeting him?"

"I should head out soon. If you don't mind waiting I won't be much longer." I nodded and started for the door.

The three of us waited just outside of the clinic, watching the mother and son we had seen earlier embrace again on the other side of the narrow passage that lead from the clinic.

"Are you mad? Like, have you become a crazy person?" My brother regarded me over folded arms, a disapproving look on his face. I didn't rise to his bait so he pressured me further, "I mean you do remember that _you're_ a mage? Just what good do you think you'll be against the Templars? And what if they find out about you? We can't drag Mother from here, she won't make it traipsing across country like she did when we were young."

I rolled my eyes, "Trust me Carver, I have a feeling about this Healer."

Varric gwaffed, throwing his head back, "Oh? Like Carver has a 'feeling' when he's in the presence of Merrill?" Carver and I blanched, turning to the dwarf with mirrored expressions, this just made him laugh more.

"I don't –"

"It's not –" Carver and I spoke our denials at the same time, just as the door to the clinic opened and the rest of the people started streaming out.

Varric lowered his voice as we moved out of the way of the throng, "I'm just messing with ya kiddos, besides, this mage has a _story_, I can feel it in my beard." He rubbed his fingers along the ever-present stubble on his wide chin. I couldn't help but chuckle, even though I still felt my cheeks burning.

I let myself get lost in my musings while Carver tried, unsuccessfully to convince Varric of his intentions toward Merrill, or un-convince as the case may be. I thought about Anders. He was attractive enough, but that Fade-feeling… I shuddered to think about it. _Attractive, yes. Story, definitely. Scary? Oh yeah._ I thought to myself as the door opened one last time and the instrument of my musings appeared. He turned, blowing out the lanturn at the entrance to his Clinic and joined us.


	6. Chapter 6

Varric and Carver were still discussing Merrill in hushed tones as I pushed away from the wall and matched pace with our newest member. I glanced sidelong at him and noticed his face was drawn and a bit pale after using so much of his mana healing the boy but there was a determination to the set of his shoulders and quickness in his stride. He glanced back at me and caught me looking over him, he smiled professionally at me turning his head full to face me as we walked toward Hightown and the Chantry.

"What's in the Deep Roads then?" His voice was just a little strained but it was barely noticeable.

"Wealth, treasure, the unknown." Varric chirped up breaking his conversation with Carver. I turned back to the walkway ahead of us, subtly steering us clear of rubbish piles and beggars as we climbed to the elevator that would take us directly to Lowtown. "What's in Kirkwall for you, Warden?" Varric called to him.

I felt more than saw Anders' back stiffen as his stride slowed a bit, "Just Anders, if you please. I'm only a Warden because of an accident... and a kind gesture… well… _attempted_ kind gesture."

"Oh? What kind of accident?" Varric asked, rubbing his palms together at the hint of another story.

"Right place, wrong time," he shrugged, "or wrong place and wrong time the more I think about it. It doesn't matter; I just… don't feel very Warden-y that's all."

"Okay then, what's in Kirkwall for you anyways, _Anders_?" Varric rolled his eyes to mock the seriousness of our new companion as I turned my gaze back to him.

Anders either didn't care or didn't notice as he shrugged, "I chose Kirkwall because there's no Warden outpost, no darkspawn… outside of the Deep Roads," He added, gaze sliding to cast a serious look at me, I mostly ignored it. He continued, "and not to mention a whole host of refugees to blend in with."

"So you're only reason for being here is to escape the Wardens?" My brother asked with a sneer.

"Not only… there are… other reasons." He looked down again, frowning at the ground as we boarded the elevator. I took the opportunity to rummage in my pack, pulling out an apple. I wordlessly held it out to Anders and he smiled, "Thank you. I forgot to grab one before we left the Clinic."

I paused as I watched him shine the apple on the sleeve of his blue-green over vest. "I remember what it was like for me when Father had me practicing. We always carried a basket of fruit and nuts for us to nibble on. Just in case. Now I always carry something with me." Carver looked down at my words of Father, his mood turning decidedly sullen. "I've always heard that joining the Wardens is for life?" I made it a question as he nibbled at the apple. He nodded in reply.

"Well most of it," he mused, still nibbling, _if I was that exhausted I'd have devoured that apple and be searching for more already_, I thought silently to myself, waiting for him to finish his thought. He smirked again, eyes glinting mischievously, "It turns out the 'hopelessly tainted by the darkspawn' and 'plagued by nightmares' parts don't go away. But, if you're cleaver enough you don't have to wear the uniform or go to the parties." Varric chuckled at his admission.

"Wardens have a uniform?" I giggled as I asked it. Varric gwaffed heartily. Anders eyes narrowed a bit, mockingly, as he returned to nibble at the apple, but I noticed his smile. The elevator came to a halting stop and we shuffled out and continued our path toward the Chantry. I turned my gaze westward but the sun had already set, now only a faint purplish glow quickly dimmed on the horizon.

"Oh you're gonna be story telling _gold_, Blondie, I can tell." Varric chimed.

Anders regarded him with a sideways glance and a quirked eyebrow, "Blondie?"

Varric smirked and placed a finger against the side of his nose, "Anderfels. Unless I'm mistaken?"

Anders chuckled and nibbled some more, "Not in the slightest. It's where I get my name."

"So that's not your real name?" My brother questioned, finally drawn out of his gloomy mood at the easy nature of our conversation.

He shook his head in reply, and took a bite of the white flesh of the fruit; I noticed he had only nibbled the skin away to get at the juicy bits, "I don't remember my real name. I was taken to the Circle of Ferelden when I was just a lad. It was the name everyone called me because I was from the Anderfels." He finished off the apple in another 3 quick bites and tossed the core into a rubbish bin.

_An escaped mage then, just like Father._ I mused as Anders and Varric chatted about the Deep Roads, the Anderfels, and every place in between. _And almost as trusting. It took Varric getting me well and fully drunk before I gave away that much of myself. Still, having a Warden around might make for a safer expedition. I wonder if that will please Bartrand or just annoy him further._ My brother's hand on my arm took me out of my musings, Varric and Anders had fallen back just a bit as we neared the steps that joined Lowtown to Hightown.

"Are you sure we should be doing this? I mean there are a _lot_ of Templars in this city. Are you sure we should be risking their notice?" Carvers' eyes always had a sparkle to them when he was concerned for me.

I smiled reassuringly and clasped my hand over his, "Don't worry, Brother. I have more than magic at my disposal and I know how to keep myself from being noticed."

"Seems like an awfully big risk for a mage we barely know. It could be a trap," A conspiratorial tone entered his voice.

I sighed, "He's not trying to trick us, and there's no way he's a circle mage. With as much power as he has, I know the Templars here wouldn't let him out of their sights, let alone let him run an entire center of healing without careful watch. He's just that powerful."

"I'll have to trust your judgment on that. He didn't seem much more powerful than you, or Father." He looked down again; I knew he wanted to add Bethany's name to the list but neither one of us was fully over the hurt her passing had caused.

"Hey, no seriousness unless it's got gory bits of story for me!" Varric chided and I smirked back, Carver just moved to the side as we reached the top of the stairs and turned for the Chantry's steps.

Carver moved to lead our little group, being extra cautious as we walked through the streets. When we reached the Chantry courtyard he reached a hand behind him to halt us. I didn't see what had sppoked him, my eyes having wandeder toward Anders again. The three of us moved back into the shadows as Carver snuck his blade from its easy holster. We all turned to where Carver was staring and we noticed a man, tall, broad-shouldered with grey hair wearing Circle robes. No sign of a staff or even of interest as he boldly walked straight across the square and up the steps to the Chantry. I marveled at his daring at being a Circle-mage and not attempting to hide with no obvious guard.

Anders voice startled me as he whispered from right next to me, I hadn't noticed we had moved into the same dense shadow, but now I could feel him, a hum almost, as his magic breathed along his tense form, "Karl."

I stared after the mage, my body growing more and more tense as the moments passed. When nothing else happened I turned to Anders. His eyes still scanned the courtyard but his expression was sorrow-filled. I wondered at it before his voice snapped me out of my musings. "I don't see any Templars," his voice breathed barely above a whisper.

"No one suspicious either," Varric remarked, keeping his voice low but not whispering.

Anders shook himself and stood a little straighter, "Let's go then."

Carver kept his blade naked in his hands as we mounted the steps to the Chantry. None of us spoke, I was still tense about the prospect of fighting the Templars, though I would never let my brother know. We entered the Chantry and began looking for Karl. It wasn't long before we noticed a light from the upper chambers. Anders started leading us that way but I could hear, faintly, the sound of someone crying from the back of the Chantry. I wondered at the tears before following the rest of my fellows up the stairs. We turned the corner at the top of the stars and saw the mage standing there, head bowed down, he appeared to be reading a book on the desk in front of him. Carver stood at the corner of the stairs with his back to us, guarding our exit as Anders and I approached Karl.

"Anders, I know you too well. I knew you would never give up." Karl's voice was earily steady as we approached, his head rising but still facing away from us.

"Karl? Why are you talking like th –" Karl spun and Anders gasped as we saw the mark on his forehead that marked him a Tranquil.

"I was too rebellious. Like you. The Templars had to make an example of me lest my actions sway the other mages." He spoke plainly, his voice completely even, devoid of any emotion. I felt a cold sweat break out across my entire body as I stared at the mark on his forehead. I couldn't tear my gaze from the horror of it.

Anders found his voice before I did but it was hitched with emotion, like he was on the virge of tears, "Karl… oh no…"

"Do not pity me, for soon you will understand," his gaze swept past the lot of us and on to the staircase behind, I turned to follow his gaze and noticed that Carver had turned from the stairs and now stared at Karl with the same expression of mute horror I had felt. Karl addressed the shadows at our back, "This is the apostate I told you about." My horror only grew as I began to recognize the glinting steel of the Templar's armor melting from the shadows. _We're trapped!_ I panicked feeling the air rush out of me. Carver and Varric turned quickly, Carver brandishing his great sword and Varric preparing his crossbow. I couldn't move, I felt stuck.

"Nooooooo!" Anders's voice broke me from my fear as I leapt away from him, turning and grabbing my staff in one motion, his form surrounded by a blue glow, emotion raw in his scream, he fell to his knees but rose quickly, a dark mist from which cracks of blue light appeared around him. "You shall never take another mage as you have taken him!" He yelled at the Templars, his voice echoed hollowly, before hurling a great fireball at them, scattering them like mice. My skin was trying to crawl off my body with the closeness of him and his new power, it felt familiar but I didn't have time to ponder at it.

I shuttered at the wrongness of it but turned just in time to create a wall of ice that encased two Templars that were attempting to reach Varric. He quickly shattered them with a few bolts of his cross-bow before turning it on the one who appeared to be the leader. Anders, headless of anyone or anything, stalked straight in front of Varric's aim and up to the head Templar beating him mercilessly with his staff and magic combined.

Carver finished two of the fallen Templars that were initially blown over by Anders's first fireball as another ran up from the short corridor to the confessional. He didn't see me crouching behind the corner ready to loose my weapon at him, a sharp dagger of crystalline ice punctured him where his helmet meet his shoulder armor and he fell, lifeless, to the ground. Anders roared one mighty bellow as he defeated the leader, turning and seeing only me his gaze softened, I felt the energies loosening around him as the blue light began to fade from his skin and eyes. The few Templars that remained were quickly dispatched by Carver's blade or Varric's unwavering precision. I shuddered, utterly afraid yet unable to move as my eyes held Anders. At first he was smiling, like he was happy to have dispatched the leader of the Templars, proud even. But as he registered the shock and fear in my gaze he looked confused. I shivered slightly... his gaze, the feeling of the blueish light still fading, and the heat of the battle causing such a stir of emotions within me I barely had time to name them. His grin faded as the look of fear on my face finally registered with him, falling to a sorrowful look as I watched. It wasn't until Carver sheathed his sword that Anders drew himself up, out of his defensive stance. I stayed crouched, unsure of what to do in the face of his otherworldliness.

"Anders?" A soft male voice tore his gaze from mine and to the Tranquil just behind me.

"Karl!" He rushed over, my emotions faded slightly as my brother moved to my side, I put my staff away and stood up. Toghether, we turned to watch the scene unfolding before us.

As we turned the two men broke from what seemed to be a warm embrace, Karl's hand still lingered on Anders's cheek and Anders's hands rested on the other man's hips.

"What in the name of the Maker did you do, Anders?" His soft voice broke the hush that had surrounded them both, but the accusatory tone forced Anders to break away, moving back to stand out of touching distance, his face down turned and his shoulders hunched. "It felt like you brought a bit of the Fade into this realm. I had… forgotten… what it feels like."

I shivered and must have made a small noise, Anders turned his pain-filled eyes to me, Carver moved protectively to my side, "Yes what was that?"

"Not the Fade bit, but the angry blue glowy bit?" Varric chimed in.

His words were for Karl, but his eyes were on mine. "I have some… unique… circumstances." He closed his eyes, turning them to the ground before slowly opening them and regarding the Mage in front of us, "But, Karl, What happened? How did they... get you?" Emotion broke his voice again and he cleared his throat.

It was Karl's turn to avoid eye contact as he glanced to the floor, "The Templars here are more vigilant than in Ferelden. They found a note… one I had written to you," he looked sheepishly from the ground to Anders who smiled softly back. "You cannot imagine it, Anders. _All_ the color, _all_ the music…. All that is _life_ in the world… gone." Anders and I shuddered simultaneously. "I would gladly give up my magic, let the Maker take back his gifts. But this? I'll… I'll never be whole… ever again."

"Karl…"

"No Anders." He held up a hand, his face turning stern as he raised his chin, "Kill me. Before this fades. I can already feel… whatever you did… drifting away. I do not want to be just a pawn of the Templars with no dreams of my own."

"No!" Anders cried, but I could see his face breaking down, his eyes filled with tears, "I can't… please…"

Karl pulled a small knife that was hidden in his belt and moved to stand close to Anders, he lifted one hand to hold the now crying mage's cheek as he pressed the handle into his other hand. "If you ever… cared… please… Do this for me so I may die as a mage, not live as a puppet." Silent tears ran down Anders face as the two of them glanced at each other. I was reminded of how Wesley, Aveline's husband died, as I saw Anders move close, resting his forehead on the other man's broad shoulder. I was watching as the torment and fear drained from the face of Karl, only to be replaced by a blank look of nothingness that shook me to my core. "Anders?" He questioned, his voice bland, "Why do you hold me like- _ung_..."

His eyes flashed wide as the blade pierced his heart. Anders scooped the larger man into a long embrace as he lowered him to the ground, still hiding his face in the swallow of Karl's neck. I turned from the scene, barring my face in my brother's rough tunic as I felt my own eyes well with tears. One of Carver's strong arms pulled me into an embrace, his face lowered to my hair. I heard him whisper a silent prayer with Bethany's name in his sigh. I even heard Varric sniffle once. We stood there for minutes, each of us grieving in our own ways for the ones we had lost along the way. Reluctantly, Anders stood, a large dark-red splotch covered part of his robes from where Karl's heart blood had soaked them.

"We should go." His voice was surprisingly devoid of emotion as he wordlessly headed for the stairs. The rest of us followed with me bringing up the rear. Again, I heard the sounds of weeping coming from deeper in the Chantry, but I was too exhausted to investigate and Anders didn't seem ready to take on another adventure.

As we reached the market area in Lowtown, Anders finally turned, eyes still downcast and tears drying on his face.

"We should part ways here. I can make it back with no trouble and… I need to… be alone…" he took a deep, shuddering breath, "come by the Clinic tomorrow and I'll have your maps ready for you." He turned before I could say anything, walking toward the steps leading down to the Undercity. I nodded after him but he didn't turn to see.

"We should get home. Mother will be worried." I just kept nodding and let Carver lead me away from the tavern Varric called home. Mother was asleep when we walked in and I was too tired to add to my journal, emotionally drained at the memories and the horror of what I had witnessed that day. I climbed into bed still wearing my robes and fell into a fitful sleep haunted by Tranquil versions of my closest friends and family.

* * *

**A/N:** I just wanted to reassure everyone I'm working on the new chapter. Real life hit pretty hard this weekend and now that it's mostly faded to the background I'm happy to be focused on something more fun.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **With the tone of the last chapter I didn't want to ruin it by adding a note. I thought it spoke for itself anyhow. As I've said, I have a very small clue of where I want this story to go and no idea how long it's going to take me to get there, nor what's going to happen in the process. I'm just letting the writing take me. If it drags on too much, I trust you all will let me know! Thanks again for the wonderful words of praise! I am most undeserved.

Also, if anyone has any tips or tricks they wanna pass on about writing or the flow of my story please let me know! As I said at chapter 1, I'm always happy to consider constructive criticism!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... Andraste's flaming knickers too.**

* * *

My eyes welled with tears at the memory, until I could barely read the words on the page of my journal, when the subject of my musings appeared before me, as he had so many times before. I bowed my head down and sobbed, not at all quietly, before I heard Carver's gruff voice, realizing then that it was not Anders standing before me but my brother wrapped in a dark cloak. "Sister, you will catch your death out here in the cold. It may be warmer here than in Ferelden but you should still take care you do not freeze." He unfurled his cloak from his form and wrapped it behind me. It was still warm from his body and it smelled, for all the world, like home.

I struggled to control my breathing but sat there sobbing, tears free-flowing down my face and spattering on my journal, denting the words there. He lowered his tall frame to pull me into the crook of his arm, holding me as I sobbed, whispering words I didn't hear and smoothing my hair back, his voice rumbling through his chest. In my minds eyes I saw him as a boy, happy and laughing as Father carried him around on his shoulders. I couldn't pinpoint the vision, I had no idea how old we were. _I took him away from that. I am the reason he is here, and not happy somewhere._ I cried for my brother, for Bethany, who never saw her 19th birthday, for Mother and Father, for my friends, those lost and those still here. I had faild them by not being diligent enough, by not noticing the warning signs. We sat like that, brother and sister, for Maker only knows how long. When my breathing finally eased and the tears finally stopped I pulled back from him. I took a sip from the water skin and wiped my face with a corner of the cloak.

"I will be okay, brother. I just need some time… I need to… be alone…" I didn't trust myself to look at him, I kept my eyes on the journal, focusing on the now smudged word _abomination_. He wrapped his arms around me again and kissed the top of my head.

"Isabela and I will watch for now. If you should slumber, I will make sure you make it back to the fire." He said sweetly, uncharacteristic but I suspected he was just glad I was done crying. I didn't notice him leave, the words from my journal pulling me back into my musings. _Abomination?!_

* * *

The next morning I woke to the sounds of my mother and Gamlen fighting. I turned over to find Carver hiding from the whole mess in the room I shared with my mother. Mother was saying something about servitude and nobility as I rolled out of bed and washed my face in the water basin she had left for me. The water was cool but refreshing.

I dabbed my face dry and turned to Carver. "So they're at it again, huh?" Carver nodded in reply and sat on my bed. "Well, I'll go talk to them."

"Rose?" I had already turned to head out the door when he called me back. His voice was low and his eyes down cast.

"What's wrong?"

"I just… wanted to know… do you like it here?"

I chuckled and gave him a sly smile, "What's not to like? The storms, the crowds, the screaming children and rampant dogs?"

He rolled his eyes and gave me a look, "Don't do that. You know what I mean. Do you like it here? I keep feeling like we're… striving for the past. We should be looking to the future. Don't you think? It's like Mother, always going on about getting that estate back."

His mood was too serious for this early in the morning, I tried to be serious but my brain just couldn't get going, I was still worn from the troubles of yesterday and, it seemed, today was going to be no different. "Carver, I… I don't really care where we live. I only care that you are safe, that Mother is happy." I paused considering, "I don't worry so much about you though. You've a thick head sometimes and you can be a right stick-in-the-mud but… I know you'll be okay. But Mother… she's so lost without… well, without Father. That's really when she started coming apart and I had to take the lead."

"I could have done it, I should have. I was the man of the family."

I smiled down at his sad look, reminded somewhat of Merrill's 'kicked-puppy' look from yesterday, "Oh Carver, you had your own path to create. You still do. You have this craving, this need to be independent and do what is good for _you_. Sometimes you don't always think your decisions through all the way. But the one thing you did, the one thing that was the right thing for _you,_ was to join the King's army." I giggled a little at his proud look, "And… if you could just, get that stick out of your rear, you could join the guard here. You should consider reapplying."

He smiled up at me, "You really think they'll take me?"

I nodded, my expression turning serious, "Yes, if you stop being a brat. I think you could definitely have a place here and make your own way. Just like you always wanted to. I…. I believe in you Carver."

He smiled just as Gamlen's voice raised from the other room, "Yeah and if wishes were poppy, we'd all be dreaming happily right now, wouldn't we?" I rolled my eyes and patted my brother's shoulder.

"Chin up, we've got a long day ahead of us, Brother." He nodded in reply and we went out to face the argument.

Gamlen was talking again, "You were supposed to marry the Comte. Instead you decided to run off with a man of poor upbringing, an apostate at that! I did what I could in your absence but it's not my fault everything went to ruin."

"Not your fault?!" My mother squared her shoulders and fixed Gamlen with a look that would have made lesser men cry, or run. "You are the one that squandered our family's fortune. You are the one that sold my children into servitude for a year! They should be nobility Gamlen!" She took a deep breath to keep from yelling more, "Just tell me where the will is. I don't want to fight with you anymore."

Gamlen scowled, "Why do you need to see it Leandra? It's over. The will was read, the words followed, and it was put in the vault. There's no use in bringing up old news."

"Well someone's defensive. What did it say then?" I interrupted with a smirk, trying to lighten the mood.

Gamlen's scowl turned to me, "Bah! That was over 15 years ago, it was read before _you_ could read! You can't expect me to- "

"I have every right to see it for myself!" Mother interrupted, I sighed giving up on the whole thing. It was too early in my morning for me to try and out wit anyone.

"You said it was in the vault right, Uncle?" Carver spoke up from behind me.

"Yes, but that's long since gone, it's on the estate."

Mother spoke up again, "Well who owns the estate now? Is it the Reinharts? Maybe we could talk to them." It must have been really early for Mother to think of that before I did, I resisted glancing at the window to make sure the sun was up.

"It was no one you know." He challenged us all with a snarl, "Get used to Lowtown, kiddos. That's where we're going to stay." Then he turned on heel into his room, slamming the door like a petulant child. I just rolled my eyes at the whole thing.

"Carver. Can I speak with you?" Mother said, pulling Carver aside. I went back into the room, ready to wash my hands of the whole event.

When I checked out the window I saw the sun was indeed up, but barely. I briefly considered crawling back into bed but shook my head. I locked the door then started to get ready to face the day. After washing, I set about finding something to wear. I realized that all the everyday robes I had left were in no shape to wear, I'd have to talk to Mother about maybe doing some washing today.

The only real clean clothes I had left were the new stuff I had purchased a few days ago with the last of my coin from Meeran. The robes were a little fancier than I liked to wear around Kirkwall and they were fairly low-cut. They were cut in the same fashion as Bethany liked her robes with a front guard of chain mail. These ones were darker though, a deep burgandy with the softer inner layer a light pastel green. I scowled and threw my hands up and decided to just go with it. I dressed and went to the small vanity Mother kept all her make-up and jewelry in, digging through it all looking for ways to compliment my outfit. If I was going to be dressed up I might as well be made-up as well. I pulled out Mother's hawk pendant and chain just as she knocked softly on the door to be let into the room. I started putting the piece on as I opened the door.

"Well you look very nice today. Going to see someone special? You know, once we get the estate back you'll have suitors lining up around the block!" She giggled as I rolled my eyes.

"Ha-ha Mother. You know," I mused, "I'm not really all that interested right now. I just need my other robes and under things to be cleaned before I can wear them again. They're all… grimy…" I shuddered and she giggled again at the disgusted look on my face.

"I can see to that today. You should let me help you with your make-up too. You always end up looking like a jester when you do your own make-up." I laughed remembering the time Bethany and I got into Mother's make up when we were younger. We were on our way to the Midsummer's Festival and we wanted to look pretty. We ended up with way too much blush and eye shadow and Father and Mother laughed themselves to pieces… until they saw what we did to Carver. If we looked like clowns, oh goodness he looked like the centerpiece.

She sat me in the chair in front of the small mirror I had purchased for her with my first pay from Meeran. I looked at myself as she started setting out different powders and poultices for application. She was prattling on about something from her past but I wasn't really paying much attention. I rarely had the opportunity to look at myself in a mirror, my dark hair was still damp from the washing and but, with the little bit of light coming in, I could just make out the reddish undertones nestled in the predominantly chestnut-brown color. I kept my hair short, only to my shoulders, mostly because I didn't have time to mess with putting it up or doing any fancy up-do with it. My skin was pale; in fact all our family had uncharacteristically pale skin considering how much time we spent outdoors. My complexion was clear but I could see the beginnings of tiny laugh lines around my eyes when I smiled. I noticed how the contrast of colors from my robes paled my skin further and drew attention to my eyes. My eyes have always been what stands out the most, bold and bright, like Fathers, as blue as the sky on a cloudless day. Carver, Bethany, Mother, and Gamlen all had brown eyes with little flecks of gold in them, but my eyes were as blue as the day was long. When she was finished with the make-up and fixing my hair, I looked almost no different from before except that my eyes seemed more noticable and my lips looked more cherry then their normal dark pink color. I smiled at her and hugged her.

"Oh but you should talk to Carver, he… well I gave him the key to our old cellar. There's an entrance for it in Darktown." She shuddered just saying the name, "maybe, if you two head that way, you could find a way up into the vault?"

"Of course, we'll have to head down that way today. I have to pick something up from a… friend… down there." She nodded, not really paying much attention to me now that I was finished, she sat down and started applying the paints to her own skin. "Why are you getting all dressed up?"

She turned to me and smiled, "Oh I was thinking of heading to afternoon worship today. After the wash of course."

I smiled and kissed the top of her head. "Good-bye Mother." She smiled at me as I walked from the room. Carver was waiting by the door shrugging and muttering about going to the Hanged Man for breakfast.

"So," I started as we exited the house, "Mother told me she gave you the key to the cellar?"

"Yeah, but it won't do us much good… considering who the estate belongs to now." I quirked my brow and glanced up at him.

"You know who it is?"

He nodded, smiling slyly, "Gamlen is a talkative drunk. He said slavers now own the house, they like it because of the exit to Darktown."

I stopped walking, I was just that shocked, "What is Gamlen doing with slavers?" I shook my head and started walking again, "Maker's breath…"

"I wondered the same thing… but he didn't say that he helped them. Then again he didn't say that he _didn't_ help them either…"

We entered the Hanged Man and nodded at the early morning bartender before making our way up to Varric's suite. The only patrons in the bar at this time were either passed out or nursing their hangovers. We had to wake Varric up so he told us to give him some time to get ready. We went back down to the bar and ordered some breakfast. We were about halfway done when Aveline came in and ordered herself some breakfast. We filled her in about the events of the night before quickly then moved onto gossiping. She asked why I was so dressed up, her and Carver made a game of jibbing me about looking so fancy to go to Darktown. I laughed with them, happy to have the mood lightened. She turned to business, informing us about some royal family that had been murdered and reminding us about the bandits on Sundermount. Carver asked her again about joining the guard but he was much more practical about it this time, getting into the how's and why's instead of just complaining. I was just finishing up my tea when Varric walked down, all dressed and smelling nice. We talked about our plans for the day while Varric got some breakfast. All-in-all we spent the better part of an hour just being companionable. Varric seemed to fit in quite nicely with our little group, I was glad he talked me into letting him join. He paid our tab and we started the short trek to Darktown.

"Well don't you look all fancied up? Looking to score some brownie points with the Warden?" He winked at Carver and chuckled as I blushed just a bit.

"Nothing like that, I just… didn't have anything else to wear."

Aveline joined in, poking me in the side, "Oh, you just couldn't find _anything_ to wear, huh?" Her voice lit with mocking drama.

I rolled my eyes at the lot of them, "For Andraste's sake you guys, it's not like I've had a lot of time to wash clothes. Besides," I mused, fixing them all with a girlish grin, "there's nothing wrong with taking a little time out of my day for me."

"And a cute boy." Carver joked giving Varric a playful look.

"Or a cute girl." I shot back, smirking over my shoulder. He blushed and pushed his hair back.

Varric chuckled and Aveline turned to Carver, "Oh yes, I almost forgot! How is Merrill getting along? You _have_ gone to see her haven't you?"

"I… well she needed time to get settled… maybe I'll go by later and see if she needs anymore help."

"Her knight in shining armor huh? Don't worry I can give you some great pointers on making a good impression." Varric winked at him again smirking slyly.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **Longest chapter yet but it's got some fun bits! I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... and they're watching me... ... .**

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We rounded the corner to the clinic, there were fewer people about today but the doors were open as we approached. There were two other healers inside tending to the patients. None of them had very serious problems, it looked like the helpers were just handing out potions and holding people's hands. I spotted Anders near the back, writing at his desk. We maneuvered to him through the small crowd. I was glad there was no need for magic as we approached, but kept my shielding up just in case. Anders turned as he heard us approaching and stood, I saw his face go blank for a second as we approached. I held back a blush as I noticed his eyes take in all of me, from knees to eyes. He blinked a few times before returning to himself. I gave him a second and heard the clink as Varric give Aveline a poke in the side; I could almost hear his grin too, from ear to ear no doubt. I shook my head and tried to push away the thoughts like, rugged and handsome and lick-able.

"Are you… feeling… better?" I began, still fighting my blush.

He nodded and cleared his throat, "A bit... I once… cared… a great deal for Karl, that's why the Templars moved him from the Circle in Ferelden to here. They didn't want my wild ways to pass to him. He was a good mage, and a good man."

I nodded seriously, "I'm sorry that happened..."

He took a breath and forced a smile, "It'll be okay. I just..." He turned to look back at the papers he was working on, "I just needed to think but I am feeling better. Thank you for asking."

I blushed a bit when his eyes returned to mine, it was like I had trouble thinking. I couldn't tell if it was because of him or because of the way I had dressed up today, or if it was just too early for my brain to really work properly. I kind of blurted out, "What was with that magic too? I mean... it wasn't... _natural..._" My voice faded as his face fell.

He took a deep breath and looked down sheepishly, "Oh you… noticed that, huh?" I smiled in reply, "It's a little… hard to explain. You see when I was in Amaranthine, just after becoming a Warden, I met a spirit who was trapped outside of the Fade. He was a spirit of Justice and he became my friend. But in order for him to live outside of the Fade he needed a… host… a body to… well…" His voice trailed off as he tried to gauge my reaction, I was stunned into silence, a very unbecoming look of shock plastered to my features, I remembered all the warnings my father had given me about spirits in the Fade. "As we grew closer in friendship I told him about the injustices that mages in Thedas face every day and he began to see it as well. How mages are feared and hated just for being what the Maker intended them to be. He was just as outraged as I was at these injustices, he kept telling me I should be doing something about it while I still could. But I had not real intention of helping. I mean what could I do? I was one man... He helped me see all the little things I could do to change the way people think about mages... To make them see we're not frightening but... people... just like them."

"Oh… well… he sounds like a… useful friend then." I felt a bit confused about what this Fade spirit had to do with it... As he started talking again everything clicked into place...

"When we first met he was helping a village overcome the tyranny of a demon inside the Fade. Then there was an... accident... and he was trapped outside of the Fade but the body he was in was not living. It was... decomposing with him trapped inside... I offered him a way out. I thought maybe a living host, a friend, could help him. We were working together to bring justice to every child ever ripped away from their families to be sent to a cold tower with unfeeling Templars casting cruel judgments on them." He looked away from me and down at his boots, "But I had… too much anger… I guess. Once he was… merged… with me, he changed."

"Wait a minute. You mean to tell me that you have a spirit of the Fade living in your head?" Carver questioned.

"Sort of, it's not like we could have a conversation or anything. We're one in the same now. His thoughts are mine and mine are his."

"But he's like a good spirit right? Cause what I saw wasn't very… good…" Carver replied.

"Well, like I said, he changed once we merged. He's been influenced by my anger toward the Templars. He's no longer exactly like my friend, Justice, but more like… Vengeance." He frowned and his brow creased together in thought before he chose his next words, "He was my friend, and he wanted to help me. He would have… died… I guess… whatever that means for him, if I hadn't let him." He shrugged.

"Well if you were just trying to help your friend… that can't be so bad can it?" Aveline joined in.

"I wish it were that easy." He smiled sadly, "Justice didn't see the hatred I had inside of me for the Templars. I didn't even see all of it until…" He trailed off, looking back to his feet, "The first time I saw a Templar after we merged, it was like this rage of vengeance overtook me. If the Hero of Ferelden wasn't there… I don't know what would have happened. I've learned to control it better since then but yesterday... with Karl… well you were there…"

I nodded as I finally realized what he meant, "So you're an abomination." I said it very softly, I'm not sure everyone in my party heard me but I saw that he did, his face fell and he lowered his head, nodding ever so slightly. I felt a pang of sadness take me over, he was just trying to help, how could he have known what would happen? He still looked and talked like himself, not like the descriptions I've heard from my father about abominations. I warred with myself briefly but decided lightening the mood was more important. "Well… at least that explains your whole… rugged tortured look." I smirked playfully as he looked back up to me, shocked.

"Perhaps I should… check a looking-glass… more often." He cleared his throat again and blinked, "I had not thought to ever meet a woman who would… look past what I just told you…" He smiled softly and I could see his blush, I felt myself blush right back and it was my turn to look at the ground. I felt a silly grin on my face and did everything I could to wipe it off, "My maps are yours, as am I…" I think my heart did an entire somersault as he paused here as a twinge of attraction shot through me, "if… if you… if you want me…" he blushed harder and he finished his statement quickly, "for your trek to the Deep Roads I mean." He finally just closed his mouth to cut off the stammering and we both turned very interesting shades of crimson and vermillion, looking away from each other.

"You cannot be serious." Carver's harsh tone snapped me out of my flirting, I looked back at him shocked.

"About what?" I blinked back at him.

"You want to take this… _abomination_… with us to the Deep Roads?"

"Watch your tone!" I hissed at him, glancing behind him to make sure none of the others in the Clinic heard him.

His eyes narrowed, "If this is your wish, Sister. But please think of the others you will be bringing. Do you really want me to be trapped down there with… that?" He relayed his irritation but lowered his tone at my request.

"Carver, this is not the place for this. We can discuss it later." I turned to smile reassuringly back at Anders. I heard Carver huff and stalk off. I turned to watch him go, Aveline started to turn to go after him but I placed a hand on her shoulder and shook my head, "Let him go blow off some steam."

Anders looked after my brother then back to me, "Or I could just... stay here. I don't want to cause any trouble."

I watched the door as Carver's form dissapeared, "It's nothing to worry about. He will come around, and if not he can stay." I felt myself flushing with anger on behalf of Anders, _If I were in his shoes, would I be so understanding?_ "Carver trusts my judgement." I turned back toward him and smiled reassuringly, "But if your offer to help stands? We have some business up Sundermount."

"What kind of business?" he asked as he turned to grab his travel gear. I gestured to Aveline to explain.

She took a step forward, "The troubling kind. There's a group of highwaymen, I believe, or bandits looking for a caravan to pester. Whatever the case, bad men that need to be stopped."

Anders shook his head and smirked, "I never thought I'd be at it again." He finished gathering his things then went to speak with the two healers he was leaving in charge, giving them some last-minute instructions while Varric, Aveline, and I waited at the entrance.

"Are you sure about this Hawke? I mean… First Merrill and now…" Aveline gestured toward Anders and I followed her gesture, my eyes lingering on him as I answered.

"We all find help in the most unlikely of places, besides we will need a healer when we head down to the Deep Roads and Merrill… She seems innocent, like she's led this sheltered life but…" I shook my head glancing back at Aveline, expression gone serious, "She reminds me of my sister, wise in the ways of magic but lacking in the street smarts it takes to actually live." I shrugged, pausing to find a way to explain magic, "I can… feel that she's not… naive when it comes to her powers. Even though she used blood magic she just doesn't…. feel like… she'd hurt me or us or anyone in this city for that matter. Her path is dangerous but I think she understands that if nothing else."

Aveline regarded me carefully then chuckled, "I trust your feelings Hawke. I remember what it was like with Meeran, how you would steer us away from the dangerous paths just because of your instincts. But usually our feelings match up better. I have a bad feeling about Anders and Merrill…" She shook her head, "Just be careful. You and Carver, you're like family to me now." She looked up as Anders exited the Clinic and we all started making our way to the city gates.

Aveline lead our group, chatting happily with Varric. Anders and I walked a little behind them, close enough to hear but not really part of their conversation. I felt the silence between the Healer and I stretch uncomfortably. He looked lost in his thoughts, his expression dark. Every once in a while his lip would twitch as if he were about to start speaking. I pondered at it until he caught me staring.

I blushed deeply and quickly looked away, "So," I started, trying to cover the awkwardness I suddenly felt, "My name is Rose actually. Well... It's really Ambrosia but... My father always called me Rose and it just kinda stuck."

He smiled, "The name that suits you." He watched as I looked to the ground, wishing I hadn't put my hair up so I had something to hide behind. I didn't notice as he looked to the ground, "I'm sorry, by the way, if I seemed selfish when telling you about Justice."

I nodded, thinking, "What is it like? Having a spirit joined with you?"

He took in a deep breath and stared ahead for a moment, "At first it was indescribable. I could do anything. With Justice's connection to the Fade I was able to call forth such power, it was intoxicating." He blushed looking to the ground, "But it served me well. I had to come through the Deep Roads to get here… alone. But the more I used that power, the harder and harder it became to put it away. I feel like I might lose myself to it." His brows furrowed and he glanced, sidelong, at me, I fought to keep my expression neutral. He sighed slightly and pulled his chin up, "Eventually, I learned how to not let it control me so fully." He shrugged, "It's still hard to keep myself from pushing too hard, especially when someone comes in that I could help by using that power. But I _have_ to keep control." He looked at me, chin held high, almost daring me to question.

It was my turn to glance away. I pondered what he had said, my brows coming together in consideration, "If it helped then it was worth it."

He blinked, surprise pulling his eyebrows toward his hair, "You are a rare woman, Hawke."

I chuckled, blushing again, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, you are kind and understanding where others would be fearful and distrusting." He smiled again.

I turned away, noticing that Aveline and Varric had outpaced us by quite a bit, I smirked, "We'd better catch up, or Aveline will have us sweeping the Barracks for causing a delay."

He chuckled and we hurried to catch up with our friends just as we entered Hightown.

"I just find it very interesting, with all the prejudice in the guard." Varric was saying as we approached.

Aveline scoffed, "Don't worry, I will give them reason to change their minds."

Varric smirked at me but his words were for the Guardswoman, "Of course, there's always the possibility that you just scare the piss out of them." She turned to scowl at him, he held up his hands defensively, "What?"

I chuckled, "Well you _can_ be very… forceful, Aveline."

She turned her scowl to me but her face softened, "Well… I…." she scoffed and turned back to face the front, "I just don't think guards should be lax in their duty. When they're on patrol, they should be fully there. Not wondering about later or watching the sun. We have a duty to protect each person in this city, sometimes from their own foolishness. It shouldn't matter if we're on patrol or not, come to think of it. The law never sleeps."

Varric blinked and swallowed, "Just so you know, you scare the piss out of me sometimes too." She frowned at him.

I tried to stifle a chuckle, my gaze drawn to Anders. His eyes were shifting back and forth around the crowded Hightown streets, his head turning to look down every alley. I looked around for the source of his discomfort. I didn't notice anything unusual but then I saw, Hightown usually had the highest population of Templars. I swallowed my sudden fear that he would burst into blue lightning and start smiting them but Varric apparently took notice as well, "So, Blondie, what do you think?"

Anders blinked a few times, like he was coming back to himself, "I… uh… what?"

Varric chuckled in reply, "Nevermind. Say, what's with all the feathers?"

He frowned at the shorter man and looked down at his robes, "They're warm?"

I giggled while Varric just smirked, "So they're not like a fashion statement?"

Aveline laughed, "Sure they are, they state 'I am too warm and comfortable to care what you think'."

Anders chuckled slightly but narrowed his eyes at Varric, "You know, Dwarves aren't _immune_ to magic." He blanched as soon as he said it, his eyes darting around for someone to scream _apostate_ and Templars to swoop down on us.

Varric either didn't notice or didn't care about his sudden change in demeanor, "With over thirty people in this town alone ready to murder my family over trade deals, who has time to worry about a little scorched chest hair."

Aveline laughed again, full-throated, which seemed to break Anders out of his head, "What?"

I giggled again, "He said he doesn't care if you singe his chest hair."

Varric blanched in mock drama, "I said nothing of the sort! Bianca would get upset if anything happened to my chest hair."

Anders quirked a brow, "Who's Bianca?"

Aveline and I laughed heartily while Varric frowned and pulled out his crossbow, "This is Bianca, and if you two don't stop laughing at her she might bite you."

We tried to swallow our mirth but Anders had to chime in, "Your crossbow is your lover?!"

"She is my only nightly companion! And stop laughing at her!" He pet a hand lovingly across her handle, "They don't mean it. They just don't understand true love."

I blushed as my eyes drifted to Anders again and I felt the butterflies stir in my stomach. He flushed but studiously ignored my wandering eyes. Varric was still petting Bianca when we arrived at the gates to the city. I realized we had made it through Hightown without Justice making an appearance and glanced back to Varric. _If it wasn't for him… I doubt our mood would be this bright._ My thoughts ran as I watched Varric weave Aveline and Anders around with his words, like a clothier weaving intricate patterns on a loom. I stayed out of the conversation watching and trying to learn how the dwarf managed to keep us all distracted from ourselves.

It wasn't long before Aveline stopped us, indicating the path ahead leading toward an awkward valley, "This is just about the place. We should rest here before clearing the path ahead."

I nodded as Aveline and Anders took rest under the shade of a nearby tree and began a conversation about the uses of knives and daggers in their respective trades. Varric sat near them but I noticed him watching me.

I smirked at him and cleared my throat. "I'm, uh, going to scout a bit... you guys rest." I said, feeling very confident in my sneaky-ness as I turned, "Actually, Varric would you mind coming with me? Two sets of eyes are better than one after all." I smiled sweetly impressed with how innocent my request sounded.

He hid a smirk but nodded, "Yeah no problem." Though we hardly needed to posture, neither Aveline nor Anders looked up from their conversation.

We walked until I was sure the two conversing couldn't hear us then, pretending to have seen something on the path we were wandering down I narrowed my eyes to the horizon, "So… do you… do that often?"

"What's that?" He was all sweets and innocence but I was onto him.

I turned, feeling the same playful smirk dance on my features as the first time we met, an easy and friendly expression that just felt so… Varric, "Oh come now, I'm not nearly as naïve as I look." I put my hands on my hips, "The way you can seem to distract us all with just a word or a story. How did you learn that?"

He chuckled darkly but didn't try to deny it, "When you've led the life I have, Hawke, you learn that some skills take no blade and no bow but cut and kill just as easily." He motioned with his hand for me to take the lead on our little "scouting" mission so I walked on, keeping my feet light, "Bartrand was never happy when we were growing up, and he was always bigger and more brutish. He loved participating in the Provings, battles that dwarves use to decide everything, and missed them fiercely. Winning in a Proving means winning whatever argument or rivalry that the nobles can think up. I don't know much about it all since I was born here on the surface, but it seemed that he was always looking for a reason to fight. As we grew up, I learned that talking was a better way to deal with him than fighting, since he was a heavier hitter and I preferred range. I learned pretty quick to use my wit and out maneuver him. Aside from all that, I have to use it daily now just to keep the damned Merchant's Guild from destroying Bartrand and I because of what we plan to do." He chuckled. "I suppose it's a kin to learning any skill. How did you learn to cook or to wield your staff?"

I shrugged in response, "Still I wish you could teach me. With companions now appearing out of the woodwork, two in as many days, I'm glad I'll have your help in dealing with them." I looked down and smiled as he caught my eye and smirked, reassuringly.

"Don't worry, we're partner's aftera- " his reassurances were cut short as I stumbled into a trap. We both heard a very loud snap and I feel to the ground biting the inside of my cheek to keep from howling in pain. "Andraste's ass! Hold still! I'll get the Healer. Stay still and quiet if you can!" He ran off toward where the others were still resting.

It was all I could do to keep still and not scream bloody murder as the spikes from the trap dug deeper into my leg. _Some rogue! Can't even spot a bloody trap!_ The pain didn't last long though, soon my leg started going numb from the pain. _This numbness is worse, blast my damned luck!_ It is excruciatingly difficult to keep from shifting when trying not to shake from the need to get all the pain out in one howl. I felt the tears start running down my cheeks and was furious with them, how dare my eyes be able to leek when my mouth must stay sewn shut! It only took a minute or two for everyone to catch up but in that span I raged and cried, hating everything about my situation from having to flee Ferelden to being forced to undertake a crazy expedition to wanting to see my mother happy and wanting my brother to finally see that he is a man. I stopped my racing thoughs and focused on my breathing, trying not to shake more and focusing my energies on stopping the blood flow. But it was too hard to concentrate. I managed to stanch the flow enough that I wouldn't bleed out before they arrived. I turned my energies on reassuring myself. They would come, I wouldn't die, I would bet more attentive and stop distracting myself with wonders about my companions. They came running, Varric in front and Anders only a pace behind him. By the time they got there the numbness had spread to my hip and it took all my energy not to just pass out, I was never much of a healer. I turned to watch them rush to my aid, my eyes lingering on Anders face as he seemed flushed with purpose.

"Aveline, hold her in a sitting position. Varric if you could release the trap?" Anders wasted no time taking charge, he smiled reassuringly at me, I spared a thought for how I must look with my makeup running down my face as the tears fell. _Curse me for not doing laundry sooner, then I wouldn't have had to wear this ridiculously fancy robe and wouldn't have felt it necessary to pretty myself up._

I couldn't even feel Varric's fingers as he released the trap, I felt myself go a little faint as feeling rushed back toward my toes. As soon as the trap was released I could feel the familiar hum of magic trailing down my leg and turned to watch as the bleeding slowed then stopped. I was fascinated at the way my skin was knitting back together when I noticed Anders had leaned down and began ran his fingers across my tender skin. It felt completely different from when my family had healed me in the past, like a deeper press of the mana that fueled his powers. His eyes were intent upon his work but it was almost as if I could _feel_ his fingers deep inside my flesh, working the bone back together and re-sewing the sinews of my muscles. My gaze traveled up hands, still glowing faintly blue, toward his face. His face was drawn with worry and concentration on his task. Something he did brought my attention back to the feeling inside of my muscle. The feeling of it was so intimate that I shuddered and goose bumps spread along my skin. He must have felt my shiver and looked to my face for the cause. My mouth had fallen open in a small 'o' of surprise and I could feel my face flush. As our eyes met I felt that jolt of attraction shoot all the way through my body. I felt my careful shields come down for just an instant and could feel the magic of him dance along my skin, under my skin, to places no one should ever touch. Our eyes were locked and I noticed a softness to his gaze that only fueled my attraction for him. I fought so hard not to gasp at the feeling of it and I saw his eyes widen, knowing he could feel it too. Then my magic pooled forward and poured into him. I watched as the same play of emotions dance along his revealing face and knew that my magic was affecting him the same way his was affecting me. The whole ordeal took only a matter of seconds but it was more intimate than I had ever been with anyone, I never knew magic could do _this_. I was blushing fiercely when he finally receded, his magic reluctantly pulling out of me and mine from him.

"Uh… thanks… I... ahem," Clearing my suddenly dry throat and wiping my hands across my cheeks to fix my make-up and brush away the tear trails, "I never learned much healing, that was usually my sister's forte."

Anders eyes met mine, then he looked down at his hands as if unsure what to do with them, "Yeah, it's a… uhm… takes practice. Not everyone is as good at it… Not that I don't think you would be… good… at it…" He blushed nearly as hard and offered me his hand to help me stand. As my hand touched his I felt the stirrings, promises that the magic was still there and all that had happened could again, but I checked my shields back into place and he did the same.

I noticed Aveline and Varric share a look of utter confusion before straightening my robes and smiling, testing my weight on my leg. It felt better that okay, it felt like he had literally given me a new leg, though I knew that was impossible. "Wow! That feels… amazing! You're a really good healer." I smiled, taking another opportunity to glance his way.

He smiled sheepishly, "Yes well, it's all I know."

I turned to Aveline smiling, "Well at least we know we've found the place huh?"

"Yeah, Varric should take the lead from here. There could be more traps."

"I am usually pretty good at picking out traps. I blame Hawke," He smirked, nudging Anders, "She can be _sooooooo_ distracting," then laughed heartily as both Anders and I blushed and looked at the ground.

Varric turned and we started our way up the path, but I heard Anders mutter under his breath and barely audible, "You have no idea."

* * *

**A/N: **I'm still in the process of finishing this chapter up, we still have to get back to Kirkwall after all. I decided I'm going to skip most of the combat since I don't feel very confident in describing it yet. But fear not! One day soon I will be AWESOME! and UNSTOPPABLE... er something...


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: ** And now, on with the show. As always thanks for the wonderful reviews and messages! Also, I'm wondering if you guys can help me a bit. I'm thinking of changing the rating of this to T+ and changing it from Drama to Angst. What do you think?

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... But I'm sure there's a spoon...**

* * *

We dispatched the highwaymen quickly and began our trek back to Kirkwall. Aveline was anxious to get back. Her mood had been dark ever since she noticed the bandit's had finer armor than one would suspect for mere highwaymen. She suspected foul play. Varric was quiet even, for his part. He missed one of the last traps and we had nearly been blown to bits by an exploding barrel. But I was still in high spirits, though I couldn't put my finger on why. Weather it was my first attraction or the prospect of actually seeing inside my mother's old estate… well part of it anyways… I couldn't tell. Anders and I lagged behind the determined two ahead of us; he seemed in fairly high spirits as well. We joked and told stories about Kirkwall, Ferelden, and Thedas at large.

"You know, I had a friend like you once. Maker! He used to get me into all sorts of trouble! I really didn't think I'd ever be doing it again… what with Justice and all." I smiled proudly up at him but his face started to fall into a concerned look as he glanced toward the two ahead of us, "I got a bit weighty last time we talked… I'm… sorry for putting all that on you. I hope I didn't seem too selfish."

I pondered my response for a while, thinking over how I would respond, I paused for so long he looked over at me with concern, I took the opportunity to give him a sly smile, "You'd be surprised how often that happens! I mean _everyone_ seems to just want to tell me their deepest darkest secrets." I rolled my eyes playfully and smirked at him again, but he didn't smile back, instead turning back to face forward, a small bit of his hair fell into his face, obscuring his profile. My voice turned a bit more serious as I considered him, "I really don't mind though. You can tell me anything. I promise I'm more trustworthy than I look." He looked up at me; genuinely looking surprised, I smiled what I hoped was a trustworthy smile.

"Anything?" he chuckled, I watched as the mirth changed his features, softening them, "Be careful what you wish for. You do look…" he cleared his throat, looking down and kicking at a small rock, I noticed the blush creeping along his neck and ears, "something… True…. Proud…" I blinked several times trying to understand, he smiled turning back to me and seeing my confusion, "I mean you look like someone who will be honest with me. Even if you don't agree with everything I stand for, you'll still respect me." I considered his words, it was my turn to look at our companions and let my fallen strands of hair block my profile. He continued, undaunted by how his words had affected me, "I truly didn't know what would happen with Justice. I figured that it had to be better than playing the demon and haunting some corpse…"

I placed my hand on his forearm, careful to guard my magic and smiled up at him, "We can't always predict the outcome of our actions. We can only make them with a true heart." He smiled down at me again, the softness and sincerity in his look made me blush again and I pulled my hand away, "Besides, he can't complain at all about his looks."

He laughed, "Oh Maker! Kind, wise, and beautiful! You must have made deals with demons yourself!" He laughed again and I joined him. He turned to me, still chuckling slightly, "I really shouldn't presume anything. I just feel… I dunno… close to you. I mean we've hardly met and I feel like I know you. You remind me so much of the Hero of Ferelden. He was kind and wise. Handsome in his own way I guess." He paused regarding me, I kept my face hidden to mask my blush, "Am I making you uncomfortable?" I turned my gaze back to him, his tone was so serious and he looked so serious I couldn't help but laugh again.

"I should be the one asking that!" I laughed some more seeing the surprise and blush on his face, "You just keep telling me I'm beautiful. Can't go wrong with that." He blushed but boldly kept his eyes on me, I could see the darkening of his expression, not in an angry or hurt way but in the way that any man's look can turn dark when regarding a woman, I felt the lingering laughter die in my throat which had suddenly gone dry.

"Oh… I'm sure I can get more creative than that." I felt a heat rise in my body that I had never really experienced before and the feeling of attraction jolted through me, it almost drew a gasp from my lips but I held them closed.

"Hey, Lovebirds! Get up here, we're nearing the gates!" Varric's voice cut through our mood as we turned to regard the dwarf.

"I'm sorry." He said, a little quieter, "I shouldn't be leading you on like this… I don't want to hurt you." I looked toward him again but he was studiously not making eye contact with me.

"Hurt me? Why would you hurt me?" I kept my voice soft as we approached our friends.

"You saw what I did in the Chantry. That's what I am… who I am… A year ago… maybe… But I'm not that man anymore. I'd break your heart and that would kill me as surely as the Templars." I wanted to respond, to question why he thought he would break my heart, but we had reached our friends and I thought both of us would fare better if we didn't involve them in this little debate. I pondered what he said about breaking my heart and wondered if those flashes I was feeling when we made eye contact was love or just attraction. Lost in my thoughts and my rehashing of what all we said… what all I said that could make him think about the heart. We walked toward Viscount's Keep in relative silence, but I heard shouting coming from the Chantry courtyard. Something about a Prince…

"Aveline, I should go see what's going on. Mother was going to head to the Chantry today. I'll catch up as soon as I can." I already turned, running toward the commotion before she had a chance to argue. I wanted to get away for just a moment, just to… not be near Anders while I pondered what he said. As I rounded the small corner that hid the Chantry I heard a familiar voice rise above the din of the small but growing crowd.

"Sebastian! Stop this madness! The Chantry cannot condone revenge!" There was an elderly woman descending the Chantry stairs as I turned the corner, I recognized her from my time in the Chantry, I thought she was someone important but couldn't for the life of me remember who she was. I neared the small clearing in front of the Chanter's Board as the man who was posting a job listing turned. His white armor gleamed in the near afternoon light and the bow on his back shimmered. His hair was the same chestnut-brown as mine but wavy and pushed back from his face. He was lithe for a human man, most are more bulky but he looked more… elfish. As he turned I saw the rage burn through his eyes, _blue _I thought before he turned fully to the woman and I lost sight of his face.

"It is my _right,_ my _duty_, to show these assassins there is nowhere in the Free Marches to hide!" His voice was deeply accented and very baroque, after the heightening of my emotions by Anders, it sounded like sex on a stick, something thick and touchable. He turned his back on the woman and started marching away; she pulled the paper down and waved it in his direction.

"This is murder and I will not have it- " Her words were cut short as an arrow pierced the paper, pinning it back to the Chanter's board. I was standing right next to him as he pulled his bow, knocked, and loosed an arrow before I even had time to blink. It was impressive to say the least.

"No." he said with finality, "what happened to my _family_," he approached the woman again, getting very close to her with his bow still in his hands, "that was murder." He whispered it almost into her face then turned again and stormed off. I must have made some small movement as he passed me because his face turned to mine, all that emotion boiled off of him and made my breath catch and my heart leap. It was a fight or flight response but after my banter with Anders earlier I thought it felt somewhat the same as the attraction feeling. I looked around for my mother, feeling somewhat flustered, waiting for the growing crowd to disperse. I spotted her near the steps that lead up to the Chantry proper. I waved at her and she came up to me.

"Well that was, dramatic." She said as she approached.

I nodded, turning to look after the Prince, "Yes. He seems to be hurting a lot. Do you know him?"

"That's the former Prince of Starkhaven. He's been a brother here for some time though." She blushed slightly, "And he portrays the chant very well."

I chuckled taking her meaning to be his voice, "I'm sure. I'm sorry I've missed it then."

She smiled and turned back toward the Chantry, "I should get inside." She kissed my cheek and brushed my hair back, "Are you staying?"

I shook my head, "I'm helping Aveline and the guard. I think if I help them they might take another look at Carver for a recruit."

"You're such a good sister to him." She turned and started walking toward the stairs. I waited until she had dissipated, noticing the crowd had dispersed. I approached the board and took the notice, hurrying off to the Viscount's Keep.

Aveline got told off by the Guard Captain and we left, but not before discovering whose route that patrol was on. We decided to get some lunch before the woman who the patrol belonged to returned from her route. We walked to the Hightown market area and bumped into Carver… with Merrill. The six of us sat on the stairs and chatted while we ate. Anders stayed closer to Varric, I would have liked to sit by him and chat more about what he meant earlier but I decided this was best for now. Aveline and I chatted about being in the guard and, for once, Carver didn't feel it necessary to but in. He was chatting with Merrill about Ferelden. There were frequent lulls in my conversation with Aveline, she was pretty preoccupied so I spent my time listening and learning about my new-found friends.

"I never saw Lothering. Did you guys walk a lot? We walked everywhere." Merrill asked looking up toward him, he almost blushed but held his own. I could understand, she was an elf, and her face was like… all eyes… I nearly chuckled at my own thoughts.

"Not much walking really, we had everything we needed close at hand. Father and Bethany were great gardeners and Father taught me to cook. Rose and I would gather fire wood when we needed it."

"Oh. We never had gardens… unless you count the forest. The whole thing is like one big garden I guess. But we don't tend it. Does that make it not a garden?"

I stifled a chuckle as he gave her a look, "Well… it's a forest… so…"

She giggled, "Oh yes, I suppose."

I turned my attention to Anders and Varric briefly, trying not to stare too much at the mage, "I've always wondered, if it's not too forward to ask, why is every surface dwarf a merchant or a smith?"

Varric scoffed, "You left out criminals and hired muscle."

"Oh… I didn't think they counted." He smiled, trying to smooth over Varric's huffy-ness.

Varric grunted but gave into his question, "We dwarfs are drawn to shiny objects. Like… Magpies… but with business sense."

Anders regarded the dwarf carefully, Varric's huffy demeanor gave way to a sly smirk, "You're kidding and you're making fun of me."

Varric laughed full-throated and nearly lost his honeyed bread in the process, "Oh you're too easy. Of course I am! We come to the surface with the skills our ancestors taught us, Blondie. I mean, come on, can you see a group of dwarf woodcutters in Orzammar? How about Bee Keepers? Or sailors?" He chuckled again.

Anders smiled again and chuckled back, "Well no. But maybe mushroom growers… how about Nug Wranglers?"

Varric turned serious again, "Oh no. Orzammar will never let those people go. Too vital." He nodded at the mage until Anders nodded back with complete seriousness then smirked playfully again, "Also, too embarrassing." Anders rolled his eyes and I fought not to chuckle.

Everyone seemed so happy, content here with each other. I smiled thinking how wonderful it would be to rebuild everything that was lost in Lothering with the friends I was gathering here. _Bethany would have liked it here. _I mused, finishing my lunch, _she would have gotten along great with Varric and would help me deal with Merrill, we would giggle and gossip about Anders and the strange way his magic worked. I think she's happier now though, with Father at the side of the Maker. _I sighed, but smiled, _I'm sure, dear Sister, that wherever you are, you are at peace. And perhaps you want me to be at peace too. Maker watch over you and hold you to his side, _I closed my eyes as I thought the last and felt a sort of calm wash over me.

Aveline finished the last of her bread and looked at me, "Captain Jeven has made me wonder a lot lately. A few weeks ago I could have sworn I saw him hand off a packet of papers to one of those shady Carta fellows… and now this. What does it matter whose patrol it was? A group of highwaymen are dead and the city is safer."

I shrugged, "It's not really my place Aveline. I don't understand the way the guard works, I only know that we did something good and that's good enough for me for now."

"But it's not right, and if there are shady dealings happening in the guard then it could be very bad for Kirkwall."

"That's true, but we'll just have to go talk to Brennan. She should be about back by now, eh?"

She nodded and rose, "Yes and we should see if that was her normal patrol and what she normally has to deal with on it."

I rose with her and was rather surprised to see the rest of the group stand when I did, as if they were following me… but I pushed the thought away for the moment, one thing at a time and I had two too many to deal with. First Carver and this will business and then Anders… Maker's breath.

We made our way back to the Viscount's keep. Carver, Merrill, and Varric went off to see about talking to the Guard Captain for Carver. The rest of us went into the Barracks proper and found Brennan who wasted no time approaching Aveline. "Maker's mercy! Aveline you sure saved my skin by taking out those highwaymen! I was on Single Patrol too!"

Aveline's eyes narrowed, "And that's your normal patrol right? Nothing out of the ordinary?"

Brennan shook her head, "It had been dead for weeks, didn't get _unusual_ until I heard about you and Hawke. But Captain's already reassigned me and I passed the satchel on to Donnic."

I looked confusedly between Aveline and Brennan, "The satchel?"

She nodded, "Pay and order assignments for the outposts. We deliver them during light duty." Aveline and I shared a look, "Usually just updated copy of the roster but… satchel was a bit heavy today… But I shouldn't keep you. Aveline, you're a good one." She smiled and walked off deeper into the barracks.

She didn't need to say it, we were all thinking the same thing but she did anyways, "Satchel gets heavy on the same day we discover an ambush. Maker's mercy, if _he_ knew about this…" she eyed the Captain's office, "Another guard is walking into the same trap… I can't just sit by and let it happen."

Anders smiled, "Well then, let's be off." I nodded in agreement.

"They'll want to wait for nightfall, if I am any judge." She turned to the posted Duty roster, looking for Donnic's name, "He'll be in Lowtown tonight."

"Then we should… well… I have one thing I need to take care of. With Carver… do you want to come?" I asked, trying to keep my tone light.

"Sure, I don't have much else to do."

"I need to get back to the Clinic but I'll come by the Hanged Man before dark so that… if you should… need me…" He blushed and turned away, "I mean if you want me to help. Varric told me he had a suite there." Aveline quirked her eyebrow at me but I shook my head, blushing.

"Well, my business is near your Clinic so we'll accompany you at least that far." I smiled, willing my blush to leave, he smiled in return and I could see the pink coloring his cheeks as well.

Aveline huffed, "Well let's go gather our wayward pups then" and she strode past us toward the Captain's office.

We approached the office just as a very red-faced Carver was walking out, fists clenched in impotent fury. Merrill had her hand on his forearm and was trying to calm him down; Varric was just shaking his head. I decided silence would be the better part of valor and just started leading our merry band to Darktown. Varric left us for the Hanged Man when we hit Lowtown, muttering about business. Anders slid into the Clinic as soon as we got close enough. Carver and I filled Aveline and Merrill in on what we would be facing as we approached the rundown entrance and rickety staircase that led to the cellar of our family's old estate.


	10. Chapter 10

We entered up through a rickety hole in the ground covered by some planks of wood. The room we entered was not very well-kept for being the entrance to a slaver's den. This was obviously one of their exit rooms but it looked like it hadn't been used in a while. A group of barrels took up one corner covered in spider webs. I pulled out my staff and readied myself, looking around at my companions and watching them do the same. I felt the tension sing through my body as I cautiously lowered my shields, bringing my magic to the surface. Aveline led the way through the dusky hallway into one of the main rooms. She was immediately set upon by 3 guards who shouted in an unknown language to each other. We dispatched them quickly with a few well-placed blows from Carver and Aveline. Merrill and I didn't even really have time to amp up our magic.

The last of the guards fell and I took the time to glance around, there were two stair cases. We took the one leading to the west only to discover a locked door. Aveline shrugged as we made our way up the northern most staircases. It fed into a small hallway that ended abruptly in another room surrounded by tall barrels. I heard Aveline curse before hollering back at us, "Assassin!" and I felt Merrill's lightning magic surround the room. The hidden foe was quickly brought to the light and felled by Carver's strong swing as two more guards rushed into the fray. The lightning dancing around the room froze them in place and the weapons of Carver and Aveline made short work of them.

"Sister!" Carver's hushed but astonished tone rang across the room, I noticed him entering a small antechamber to the south. "The Amell Family Crest…" he whispered.

I smiled at him, "Just imagine sticking that above your door, eh?"

He scoffed but his eyes held wonder, "If we ever make it that far."

"I believe in you Carver." Merrill's sweet voice rang from the entrance where her and Aveline were guarding as us siblings uncovered our family's past. He blushed and shrugged at me, his back to Merrill and I smirked back at him. He walked over toward her with his chest slightly puffed and a slight flex to his arms as he held his great sword up. I shook my head and my eye caught a pile of notes sticking out of one of the chests in the room. I quickly swiped the papers, stuffing them into a belt pouch before joining the rest of the group as we made our way through the door way to the west.

Aveline stopped on entering the hallway and hunkered down, her and Carver shared a series of hand signals that I had no clue what they meant and he turned and whispered to Merrill and me. "There's two of them up there. Are you ready?" We nodded silently and crept behind Aveline and Carver. When they were just about to the end of the hallway Aveline let out a battle cry that curdled even my blood and charged, weapon and shield raised, with Carver at her side. Lightning crackled down on the heads of the two enemies as I drew forth the frosty chill and hurled an ice bolt at the one my brother was squared off with. I heard Merrill squeak as a guard who entered from another room charged at her. I drew my power and hurled a wall of ice at him, blocking his path.

"Carver!" I hollered as Aveline turned to grab the attention of a fourth guard that entered from the far doorway, I noticed one of the people she was trying to taunt disappeared and gathered my energies to hurl a fireball at the area he disappeared at. The ball narrowly missed Aveline's backside but she didn't flinch, she was used to my magic by now. As it hit the area where the assassin had disappeared I noticed his flaming body fall backwards into the wall. Carver had successfully destroyed the guard that was at my side and was hovering protectively in front of Merrill and to my right. Aveline dispatched the last guard and turned back to us.

"Everyone okay?" She said.

I smirked at her. "Just like old times, huh?" She laughed in response.

We approached the doorway to what looked like a pantry, Aveline entering first and she was immediately set upon by three guards. We dispatched them quickly; Carver, Aveline, and I working like a single unit. Always knowing where the others would be, working with and around each other as if in an elaborate dance. Merrill picked up on our cohesion quickly and fit right in. It was like we all just fell into step.

The last room held a mage and a few more guards. Aveline and Carver boxed in the mage in while Merrill and I occupied the guards, taking turns taunting them with our magic and moving out of range of their weapons. It was interesting fighting beside another mage again and one whose powers felt so different from my own. Bethany and I had pretty much the same arsenal to work from since our talents were nurtured by our father and the necessities of our lives. But Merrill, she was all earth and root… ozone and lightning… she felt, for lack of a better word, like nature… The open fields we would run across as children, the steadfast trees we would climb and dangle from, the garden after a long summer's storm. I wondered what I felt like to her. I was all ice and fire, like my father.

"A key." Carver's voice sounded quiet after the rage of the battle, he leaned down to the mage he had just dispatched and was pulling out a long silver cord from one of his pockets.

"To the vault maybe?" I gestured up the staircase on the far side of the room.

He smiled, "Let's find out!" I loved seeing him like this. High spirited and flirty with Merrill, like he could take on the world. A bit headstrong but, well it's Carver…

We entered the vault and found the chest containing our family's legacy. Carver hovered as I pulled out the paperwork. "Grandfather's will?" I nodded, "Let's get this back to Mother."

"I'm with you, Brother." I smirked up at him, using his own favorite phrase. He rolled his eyes and we headed back toward Gamlen's house.

* * *

I glanced over the documents as we walked through Darktown toward Lowtown, Carver was chatting with Merrill some ways ahead of Aveline and me. I was shocked when I read it. "Aveline… My grandfather… he… he left everything to my mother. Not to Gamlen."

She turned to me with the same shocked expression that I wore, "That… Maker, Hawke, what are you going to do?"

I took a deep breath and folded the papers back up, "I have no clue. But I have to tell Carver. I mean, he should know right?"

We both looked toward Carver and Merrill conversing happily and laughing with each other, "Maybe you should give him until the Hanged Man." I nodded in accent.

* * *

Aveline steered Merrill into the Hanged Man as I held out the will to Carver. "You should read this." He glanced over the paper work and furrowed his brow, I watched as the realization turned his happy, flirty mood into something dark and disastrous.

"That… good for nothing… I hate him. How could he do this to us? To Mother?!" His face had gone red in anger and I placed a cautious hand on his forearm.

"We'll find out."

We walked the short distance to Gamlen's house in silence, each of us stewing in thought. As we approached the door we could hear Gamlen berating our mother about a monthly contribution. We paused, listening for a moment.

"You sold my children into servitude for a year and _now_ you expect me to pay rent?!" Carver and I turned to each other, our faces showed the same expression of rage.

I couldn't take it, he started stammering about something toward food as I burst through the door, "Monthly contribution? It's you who should be paying us, _uncle_." The word slithered full of disgust from my lips and I saw his face fall.

Carver waved the will toward Mother, "Grandfather left everything to you, to us. Here see for yourself." He crossed his arms across his broad chest and stared at Gamlen while Mother skimmed over the document.

"To my daughter Leandra and all children born of her… the estate in Hightown and all associated revenues…" Her brow furrowed and she turned accusatory eyes at Gamlen.

I was shaking with rage, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

Gamlen wasted no time in getting angry himself, but instead of facing off against me, he turned to Mother, "You're the one who ran away! What ever happened to 'love is so much more important that money'? And what were the rest of us supposed to do? Just sit around and wait for you to come home? Bah! We all have our burdens. Mine was looking after a life you abandoned!" He took a step toward her as he spoke but I stepped up beside her and fixed him with a look that made him take the step back.

"Did you even wait one minute, _uncle_? I doubt you let the ashes get cold." I scowled at him again.

"I took care of Father; I cared for him on his deathbed! I was there for him through everything and all he could talk about was his poor _Leandra_." His face soured, "Well there's nothing that can be done now. I won't spend the rest of my life trying to pay you back!"

Mother's face softened, "I don't expect that." She stated plainly, the rest of us turned to her, our faces showing shock. "And I don't want to fight about it anymore. Now that we have the will, maybe I can petition the Viscount to get the estate back."

Gamlen scoffed, "As if you could even get an audience. You don't have the coin nor the backing to even step in the door."

She straightened and I saw my old mother coming back, the one who stood at my father's side all those years, proud and noble, "Then I shall have to get started? Shan't I?" She turned away from the rest of us and went over to the writing desk. "Oh, Ambrosia, there's a letter here for you as well. Don't forget on your way back out." She sat down and pulled out some paper and gathered the writing utensils, her demeanor prim and proper as befits a lady of the house. I smirked at Gamlen but he only scowled and huffed off toward his room. I picked up the letter and tilted my head toward the door while watching Carver. He shrugged and we made our way out of the house.

"Bloody worthless." He said as we descended the stairs from Gamlen's house and turned to head toward the Hanged Man.

"What is?" I asked noncommittally while opening the letter from Meeran.

"It's like I said before, we're striving for the past. Mother didn't even want this life before we got dumped here."

I half listened to him as I scanned the note, _dwarf in Lowtown Bazar after dark, name Anso._ I thought while making an _mmmm _noise.

"Are you even listening to me? That's just like you, always taking the lead, not letting anyone or anything distract you from your goals and missions."

I turned to him; "Is there something you would do differently?" my face fell to shock at his raged tone.

"How could I? It's not like you really care anyways, you only want that damned estate back because we're under Templar scrutiny."

I shook my head, "Yes, I run around and hide all day long only coming out when all the little Templars have gone to beddy bye…" I rolled my eyes, "Honestly Carver, you're 'woe is me, I'm living in your shadow' attitude has got to go."

He clenched his jaw and stopped walking his hands furling and unfurling into fists, "Sure make light! Why take anything seriously? _You're_ the eldest, _you_ lead by default."

I was shocked. I knew he didn't like me leading him around, but what was I supposed to do? No one else was lining up to lead, "I don't see _you_ offering to take the reins!" I spat back at him.

He huffed, "Oh yes, and when should I do that? When I'm following you around? Or how about when I'm placating the people you leave behind? And far be it from me to leave my _dear sister's_ protection," his eyes narrowed, "We've see what happens when someone does _that_... I'm sure Bethany would approve fully of all your actions."

Stunned I couldn't even reply. I just stood there staring at him; _it always comes back to this. Why didn't I save Bethany? Mother, Carver, Andraste's nipples! She probably even thinks that herself!_ I started shaking, my eyes narrowed at him as we squared off, "Oh poor _you_! You're still too busy_ hiding_ in my shadow to _escape_ from it!"

That broke him out of his raged shaking, he took a step back, "I… I am not a joke!"

It was too late for me to back off, "No! You're a spoiled, lazy brat with a chip on your shoulder the size of Andraste's ass!" He turned, giving me his profile and I shook my head, disgusted, "Well then… nice chat…" I turned and started walking toward the Hanged Man without him.

"Sister!" He called after me, I turned to him and felt my rage and pain and sadness dissipate at the lost expression on his face, "I feel… I don't know." He took a deep steadying breath and relaxed a little, "It's like mother taking everything out on us, she was just scared and I… I am no better now. I know you did everything you could… For Bethany… for us all. I'm… I'm sorry."

I nodded and walked back to him, "I hate fighting with you. You're my brother and I love you. I will go and talk to the Guard Captain for you, if you want. I know you don't need me butting in on your life and that you can take care of yourself but I also know that you need something to yourself. The Kings Army was that for you in Ferelden, maybe the Guard can be that for you here."

He smiled a bit at that, "You know I always thought you hated me, the way you order me around sometimes."

I smiled back at him, "I could never hate you, your my brother, the only one I'll ever have. I wish you would be more open about your opinions though. It's tough to be the only one leading."

He kept smiling but turned and we started walking back to the tavern, "Well, you've got Varric now. That man has a way with words!" He shook his head.

I laughed heartily, "Yes, yes he does. But he's not family. You are."

He nodded and rolled his eyes playfully, "Okay, Rose. Let's just, go meet our friends." He smiled a little and I smiled back. "So, what's that note say anyways?"

"A note from Meeran with the promise of work," I smirked slyly as we reached the door to the Hanged Man, "Let's go in and I'll tell everyone at once." He nodded and we entered, making our way quickly up to Varric's suite.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** A day at the Hanged Man. Or an Afternoon/evening rather. Fluffy and filler with a placeholder to remind us all where we _really_ are. I needed a reminder at least. Please enjoy!

Also, thanks to everyone for the amazing reviews and messages! Reading them over is what keeps my muse awake and moving! *hint hint* keep writing them :P

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... But why is the rum gone?**

* * *

I fingered the note where it had fallen out of my journal and glanced up toward the moon again, smiling despite myself. _Here_ were happier memories, _here_ was a happier time, _here _was peace and prosperity. I blinked my eyes closed relishing in the joy of the memory of my brother and me bantering. But as it had happened since the first moment I retreated from Kirkwall whenever I closed my eyes, _his_ eyes were there. I saw, again, how his lip quivered before opening my eyes again, banishing the memory. _I don't want to think about that. No. I want the beginning. When times were happier, when things were easier…_ I sighed again and wiped at a traitorous tear that fell from my eye. _I need to know why…_ I looked back at the note and the journal entry and let the memory unfold in my mind's eye.

* * *

We entered Varric's suite to see a frustrated Varric trying to teach Merrill how to hold a hand of cards.

"Daisy, no. Just no. You have to have _all_ the cards _facing_ you." He turned a few of her cards around in her hand as Carver and I took the seats around the table, me next to Aveline and him next to Merrill.

"But how will I be surprised if I know what all the cards are?" She asked smiling at Carver as he sat beside her and started to help. I watched the three of them amusedly and passed the note on to Aveline to read. She skimmed it and scoffed before setting it on the table.

"Again with Meeran? I thought you were done with him, Hawke." She said plainly and I shrugged.

"If I'm going to get into this expedition I need to take coin and jobs where I can find them." I replied just as plainly.

"If you did more legitimate work you would make your money faster." She scoffed, taking a sip of her ale.

"Not all of us can be guards Aveline. Only the lucky ones." I poked her in the side and she rewarded me with a smile.

"Still, if you want to do some good work for a change you could always help the guard out by clearing the streets after dark. Bandits and brigands. I even heard rumor of a group calling themselves the Guardsmen Pretenders haunting the streets of Hightown at night."

I shrugged, "We can take a look if you want, though I have a feeling with this Anso character and finding Donnic we'll have our plates quite full tonight."

She nodded in reply and pushed her empty ale mug away, "True enough. But my point is that you don't have to go back to Meeran just to get some coin in your pocket."

I sighed and shook my head, "I know Aveline. For now I just have to do what I can do to keep my feet moving."

"No Merrill, this one." Carver pointed, making a point to lean closer than was strictly necessary to point at a card in her hand.

"But I like that one. The picture is pretty!"

Varric rolled his eyes and caught sight of the note on the table, "What do you have there Hawke?" I passed the note to him and he smirked, "Hmmm, Anso huh? Haven't heard of him."

Carver reached for the note playfully pouting at me, "You said you'd tell us all at once."

"Oh sure get technical on me." I rolled my eyes and smiled sisterly at him.

"Hmmm, so we're going tonight." I nodded turning my head as a weary looking Anders walked into the suite.

Anders smiled politely at everyone and took his seat at the end of the table. Carver shifted a little away from him casting me a wary glance. Of course, shifting away from him meant shifting closer to Merrill and, as she found a good card, she jumped, her elbow catching him in the jaw. Varric, Anders, and I all started giggling as Merrill turned to try to apologize but ended up sloshing her drink into his lap. He stood bolt up knocking over the bench he and Merrill were seated on. She started to fall backwards, just catching her footing before she tumbled to the ground. The rest of us started laughing harder as Carver turned to Merrill, apologizing for almost knocking her over. The two of them started giggling with the rest of us blushing at each other. Once the giggling and antics were winding down Carver righted the bench and I stood. "I'll go get us some towels and call for dinner since we're all here."

"I'll come with you" Carver spoke to me turning from Merrill and blushing furiously.

"Sure, sure." We headed for the door.

Once we were outside the suite Carver paused and regarded me seriously, "I need to talk to you for a moment… about what I said earlier today... about Anders."

We started walking toward the bar, "Okay." I started to steel myself for whatever he had planned to say, "What's on your mind?"

"I wanted to apologize for what I said about Anders. I know you're very selective on who you keep close. You must have some good reason for trusting him so soon after meeting him and after… what he did… what we saw. I just wanted you to know that I trust you."

I blinked and nodded, "I do trust him for now. He's done nothing I can see that would call for caution. He… well he kind of saved my leg earlier today."

"How did he do that?" he questioned and I started to tell him about the trap we ran into earlier when a noise from the bar stopped me. We had just entered the main sitting hall and there was a commotion at the bar. Three burly looking men surrounded a woman. My eyes narrowed and I felt Carver step up to my side, readying himself in case the worst should happen.

She was speaking as we neared with a sly smirk on her face, "I'll tell you what, _Lucky_," She turned to him as she said his name, poison on her lips, "since your information was worth… well… nothing." She rolled her eyes and finished off the drink she had in her hands, "Then that's what I'll pay you." She started pouring herself another drink and I noticed the guy look over her shoulder to nod at his friends.

He bodily grabbed her hand as she was raising the cup to her lips and slammed the cup and her hand back onto the bar, leaning in close to her ear, "We'll get our money's worth, _whore_." He looked down her revealing top as his friends moved in closer, chuckling darkly. I started to drop my shields and Carver reached for his weapon.

We both stopped mid motion as she ran her free hand up his arm and leaned her face close enough to kiss to his, "Oh my poor sweet Lucky," she said her voice all sultry and sexy, "Mmmm you poor sweet thing." She leaned even closer as if to kiss him and I turned away as it became obvious she was going to give into his temptations. _He did call her a whore after all…_ I thought.

The noise of clattering dishes and breaking glass turned me back to the scene, somehow Lucky had managed to be on the floor and the second man was grabbing her from behind. Neither Carver nor I had any time to react as she kicked one of her legs up and managed to hit the man who had her bearhugged to his chest squarely in his tender parts. He doubled over, releasing her. She fell to her knees as the third man swung a half full bottle with wine at her. His blow connected with the second man, Carver and I just managed to step back as the bits of broken glass and alcohol splattered at our feet. Suddenly, my attention was pulled from her to Lucky who had managed to get back onto his feet and was in the process of drawing his, rather impressive, sword from his back. I must have blinked or turned away for a second because the next thing I knew she had a dagger at Lucky's throat. She had fixed him with a look that was an even mix between sultry and deadly as she cooed, "Tell me _boy_. Is this worth your life?" He took only a second or two to take in the sight before noticing his two wounded friends cradling their injuries and then back to her. He didn't speak but sheathed his weapon and moved, palms out, toward the door. She chuckled, watching them flee and picking up another cup from behind the bar, "I didn't think so." She filled it and drained it in one motion. She winked at Carver as I walked toward her.

"Nicely done." I said, congratulating her and she smirked lazily.

"Huh. Thanks. You must be new around here?" She made it a question so I nodded in reply, "well then, my only advice," she shot back another drink, "Keep your wits about you. You're nothing but tits and ass to the boys around here, and they won't hesitate to grab at both." She smirked slyly toward Carver, he blushed and turned to cough.

I chuckled, glancing at Carver before speaking "You have some experience with that I take it?"

She laughed, "I did actually, but after a few broken fingers and more than one knee in the groin, they got the idea." She chuckled again and regarded me warily, "You're Ferelden aren't you? You've got that southern accent." She smiled slightly, "I was in Denerim before heading out here, shame about the Hero. You know, I even _met_ him once… if you know what I mean." She winked at me as I blushed and heard Carver cough again. She pushed away from the bar, "I'm Isabela, by the way." She gave a mock curtsy, "Previously Captain Isabela but… without a ship that title rings a bit hollow."

"Well it's nice to meet you previously Captain Isabela. I'm Hawke." She snickered at my reply and filled herself another drink, "And what do you mean it's a shame about him? I heard he's doing well for himself. I mean he_ is_ The Warden Commander."

She winked as she shot her drink, "That's what I mean, all stuck with a title and junk." She rolled her eyes, "Though I didn't exactly offer him a place on my ship when he came by the Pearl." She mused leaning back against the bar and regarding me again I'm sure I had a look on my face because she giggled, "You know, you just might be the type of person I need actually. I've gotten myself into a little bit of a pickle."

I turned to Carver; he shrugged and responded, "We're always ready to help…" I nodded turning back to her.

"There's someone from my past who's been… pestering me. I challenged him to a duel but… I don't trust him to play fair. Let's just say I need someone to… watch my back."

Carver and I shared another look, he responded again, "Why a duel?"

She giggled a little at him, causing him to blush again, "I like duels. It's kind of my thing. Besides if I win then he's dead. Problem solved." She winked at him and he turned to cough again.

"What makes you think we're right for this job?" I spoke up to spare poor Carver from any further embarrassment.

She turned her sultry gaze on me, "Well you saw the boys, Lucky and his goons. I just can't trust the riffraff in this place to do anything properly. But you," She looked me over, the same way Anders had earlier, from knees to eyes, I felt myself blush under such scrutiny, "You're different." She winked at me and I quirked my eyebrow unbelievingly. She shrugged, "Besides, I have the coin to pay you if that'll convince you."

I perked up at this and turned to Carver who appeared to have lost all sense of self and was staring at Isabela like... well like _that_, it was kind of painful to see so I stepped in front of him and nodded to her, "Sure we can give you a hand."

She glanced from me to Carver with a smirk on her face, "I bet you could." She winked at Carver again and stood from the bar, sliding between both of us and managing to rub against us both, "I'm meeting him in Hightown later tonight. See you there." Her eyes slid over Carver's backside before she turned to walk out the door.

I stared after her shaking my head. Carver cleared his throat, "Interesting woman."

I blinked at him and chortled, "Uhm, that's one way to put it."

I turned to Corff the bartender and ordered our meals and drinks and grabbed some towels. Then we made our way back up to Varric's suite. We entered to see Anders and Merrill sitting side by side. It looked like Varric had given up teaching her and Anders had taken over. Varric stood and approached me as Carver moved to take his spot.

"Hawke, I've been dying to know. What was going through your head when you fought that ogre?" Carver's eyes met mine as he sat down and I turned leading Varric toward the fireplace and the plush chairs that sat before it, moving us mostly out of earshot of the rest of the group.

I smirked, my eyes twinkling with mirth as we sat down, "For the first few seconds all I could think was 'Maker! What do they feed those things'?" He laughed so I continued, "But then it was all about getting my family to safety, and make sure it didn't try to eat Aveline." I smirked again.

He laughed and shook his head, "You know most people only talk about 'nobility' and 'selflessness' in the same stories that have things like magic beans in them." He shook his head, "But I know what you mean. And somehow I just have this feeling that things aren't gonna be dull with you around."

I smiled at him. "Oh and I suppose the Deep Roads are going to be _terribly_ dull?" I chuckled merrily.

He shook his head, "Oh no, I'm sure the constant threat of doom from any number of outlets will leave us all unable to get a proper rest." He smiled

"Oh I don't know I imagine being in that dank, dark place there'll be more than just doom to keep us awake. Like where to _relieve_ ourselves in the middle of the night."

He laughed heartily, "Well you'll have to worry about that more than most I suspect. I actually think you're the only girl coming with us."

I pondered that for a moment, "Oh well in that case I'll have _much_ more than doom to worry about… like where to hide my tent and how to get the flaps to lock properly." I rolled my eyes giggling.

He chuckled darkly, "Don't worry. Bianca and I will watch your back." He turned to his crossbow, "Won't we Bianca?"

I blinked at him, "You _named_ your crossbow?"

He smirked eyeing his crossbow that stood next to the door, "And why not? She's a beauty isn't she?"

I blinked again, "She's a… very fine… uhm… bow." I stammered unsure how to not offend the dwarf.

"Shhhh!" he hushed me waving his hands in front of him, "She'll hear you, and she's a _cross_bow. Don't offend the pretty lady or I'll have to deal with her later… And _you_ know how finicky women can be." I just stared at him for a moment.

Thankfully, Aveline came from the table shaking her head, "Maker, I can't watch anymore. It's like trying to teach a toddler how to dance!" She sat down in one of the other plush chairs and glanced at us both.

Varric rolled his eyes in compassion, "I know exactly what you mean. Poor Daisy."

Aveline quirked her eyebrow at the dwarf, "Varric, I've been wondering. What exactly do you… do?" She waved her hand as if looking for the correct words.

"Whatever do you mean, dear lady? Do you mean aside from teaching the bored how to be active in a big ole city?" He gestured to the table. I saw Carver leaning close to Merrill and Anders had moved to the other side of the table, squaring off against Carver and Merrill.

"No I mean what do you _do..._ like your job? Do you just… watch and talk?"

He gasped and a mock look of offence crossing his distinctive features, "You are dismissing hallmarks of the utterly ineffectual and the incredibly dangerous." He winked as he said the last, smirking at her.

She blinked and looked about as confused as I felt, "Wait. What? I don't know what you mean."

He shook his head, "It's like this, coins flow right? Only with me they flow when I talking _and_ when I shut up. Like…" He pondered for a moment, "Like if you got paid to guard or unguard."

She stared at him, "That… makes no sense."

He chuckled winking at me, "Good."

She pondered him for a moment then she started to blush as she realized she was just the butt of a joke, "Well then maybe I can put you to work. You could… I dunno, pen some warnings for the lawless or something."

His eyebrows shot up, "Oh yeah, and who'd that be for? Do the criminals you know do a lot of reading?" He scoffed and smirked, "Seems like pacifying the nobles."

She shook her head, "It was just a suggestion."

He pondered another moment then smirked devilishly, "How about I make a giant sign that just says 'Don't'. You could hit people over the head with it!"

Her eyes narrowed at him, "I get the point."

I chuckled a bit but was saved from having to listen to more as Norah and another serving girl came in with our food and drinks. We returned to the table and, thankfully, put away the cards and began to eat. It was a companionable meal, Varric and Anders got into a debate about mages and freedom, I didn't listen much to it because I was still mostly undecided on the topic of the Circle. I knew my father hadn't enjoyed his time in the Circle but I couldn't help but thinking it had to be better for some mages. Like Merrill or Anders himself, if they were in the Circle maybe they wouldn't have become what they are. If Bethany was in the Circle… I couldn't think about it at that time though. Not with Carver sitting next to me, getting sweet on Merrill. It was adorable watching those two though, Carver would do something dashing and she would fawn on him. _I should talk to him about this though. I mean she's a blood mage. But he looks so happy, maybe I should talk to him just about not moving too fast._ I nodded thinking about Anders again, wondering at the meaning of his whole 'break your heart' comment. _Love? I mean… I'm attracted to the man surely. But look at him! Those dreamy eyes… that rumpled hair… and how much he cares for the people around him… even the way he was with Karl was so sweet! Even if it did end poorly. But he cares for all those people in Darktown that have absolutely nothing._ He turned away from Varric only to meet my eyes. I felt that electric jolt run through me again before turning my eyes down to my food, blushing slightly. When I looked back up he was still looking at me, a small smile on his face. He turned back to Varric to continue their conversation. I turned my gaze to the dwarf who winked at me before turning to Anders again. I shook my head at the whole thing and glanced at Aveline she was chatting with Carver, they were talking about Army life and trying to educate Merrill about it at the same time. All in all it was a very peaceful meal; I was mostly lost in my thoughts. When the last of the food was eaten and we were enjoying our after dinner drinks before heading back out, Carver and I filled the rest of the group in about Isabela. Anders offered to help Merrill get home when it became obvious she was completely lost in the city. Jokingly, Varric offered her a ball of twine so she could always find her way home. It was less of a joke when she accepted. Anders offered because he needed to head back for a few things at the Clinic. That left Aveline, Carver, Varric, and I to deal with Donnic, Anso, and Isabela… A long night indeed.


	12. Chapter 12 Read Warning

**A/N:** A note to my more dedicated readers. Thank you so much for your kind reviews and the messages I've been getting. It really helps me to know that you all actually enjoy my ramblings. I'm trying to keep the story still relatively close to Act 1 but there will be some changes to the plot in Act 2 and Act 3 and I'm going to begin skipping some of the more side quests. I want this story to focus on the main plot of the game and on the companions.

That being said, this chapter is mostly going to be in the "real" world with some Fade-y stuff and will do nothing to advance the story line. This chapter is post end game. Someone will have to tell me if this is T rated enough.

_**Fair warning!**_ This chapter has semi-graphic adultish themes. Please only read if you are interested in that sort of thing.

* * *

I heard strange noises and felt… something entirely too strange for me to even begin to name which drew me out of my memories. I tried to focus on my journal but all the letters were wrong, like it was suddenly in another language. Confused, I looked up to the moon only to find that I was not outside anymore. I smelled my brother's armor and felt a warming sensation like I had just knelt by a fire but I could see no light, I was lit… somehow… I could see my robes, the journal, I realized that I was no longer leaning against a tree and turned to see what I was leaning against but there was only blackness. Everything around me was utter blackness. I heard noises again, whispers of words in my Father's voice. My head snapped forward and I almost expected to see him there. When I could focus again I noticed a man striding toward me, at first I thought it was my father but then it changed or something in my sight shifted and I was staring at the form of Anders walking calmly toward me. I started backing up in a crab walk, my journal falling out of my lap but he just kept approaching me, like I wasn't moving at all. I opened my mouth to ward him off but no sound came out.

He smirked playfully at me as he approached in a carefree manner, "Something wrong Hawke?" He just kept smiling as he moved away from me again. But he wasn't moving. Or I was falling. I looked down to see only more blackness, but I could feel the sensation of falling and my hands shot up toward him. Suddenly, I was in his arms. My arms wrapped loosely around his neck and his clasped around my waist, I was still looking down, there was nothing but blackness all around us, "You can't keep teasing me like this, Rose." I looked back to him, he had a pained expression on his face but it was very lustful.

I blinked and suddenly I was in Fenris' arms, not Anders, but he was pulling away from me, "You don't understand what this means for me. I can't… I can't…" There were tears in his voice. I tried to go to him but no matter how much I moved he receded, further and further from me.

I cried, sitting down. "I'm sorry, Ambrosia… about your mother." I heard Sebastian's voice. I felt the bed move and was startled to find I was sitting on my bed, he was sitting beside me. There was blackness all around the room only us and the bed.

"Tell me about your family." I heard my voice but I didn't remember speaking. I blinked again and everything was black again. But there was heat coming from behind me. I turned to see a blinding red light in the sky of Kirkwall but there was no sound. _Nooooooo! Not here! Anywhere but here!_ My thoughts screamed through me. I tried to scream but no sound came out. I shut my eyes and fell to my knees covering my face with my hands. _Why?! Why do you plague me!_

"Demon!" I screamed the word, finally finding my voice. I felt a strong hand on the left side of my body just below my waist but just above my hips. Thumb and fingers slowly gripped, but not painfully, as it stroked upwards.

"You mortals and your curses toward… Demons… Spirites… Maker…" The voice was slow and seductive, masculine. It had Fenris' gravely tone but Sebastian's baroque accent, I hadn't opened my eyes yet but I could see it, in my mind's eye. It looked like one of the desire demons my father had described to me but male. It was clothed only in a loincloth with golden cords draped around its upper body. He was muscular but lithe, and if the strength in his hand was any indication, he was also formidable. Its eyes glowed a deep, sea green; its full pouted lips were quirked into a smirk.

"Haven't you learned yet that we are not some evil to be cast aside? We wish only to assist. To offer some measure of peace and comfort." My eyes shot open. But he was no longer the demon as I saw him, he looked exactly like Anders. I felt a pang of guilt shoot through me and his expression saddened, "You have been through so much and offered no peace. That is your desire, is it not?" His other hand reached for my waist and he pulled me closer. I couldn't move I was trapped in his will. Then he shifted, or morphed… He appeared as Fenris, leaning over me, lips seeking mine. I did not tilt my head up, no matter how appealing the offer. I closed my eyes again thinking it better to withstand his torment without him running through the people I've been attracted to over the years.

His lips grazed my forehead, "No words of encouragement? Does this form not please you?" I felt his hands move up my back, one twisting into my hair. I fought against my body from the ministrations of this foul creature, but my body continued to move to his will. He coaxed my head back with his hands in my hair and I felt lips touch the base of my throat and his purr vibrated through me, "Perhaps a new form to please you then."

My eyes opened and I was staring down toward Sebastian as he slowly kissed his way up my throat, our eyes locked and I felt his tongue just under my chin. I shivered despite myself as his impossibly blue eyes stayed locked on mine, his full lips kissed over my chin stopping just short of my mouth,

He whispered against my bottom lip, "Mmmm so _delicious_." His tongue flicked across my lower lip and I shivered again. His lips grazed mine in a soft, chaste kiss as he eased my head back from its extreme angle; it was all I could do to not kiss him back. He hooked one of his legs behind my knees and gently lowered me to the ground, cupped around me. Sebastian's form easily molding to my own as he kissed my cheek and moved his way to my ear. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move, I couldn't think. It was all I could do to not reciprocate the attentions and my body started to ache from the effort, and from the ministrations of the demon.

He purred in my ear, "You see, Ambrosia, how little you have to fear from me? I want nothing of you but your pleasure." He licked across my ear and nuzzled his way down my neck.

"No." I said but it was a whisper. I had my hands clutched to my chest and tried leaning away from him and was a bit surprised as he let me go. I finally moved back from the circle of his arms. His form changed abruptly to Anders and he looked at me, the same way Anders had looked at me on the steps to Hightown, after he… I felt the Fade shift at my thoughts, saw the red starting to burn from behind him, but I shut my eyes against it. "No." I said a bit more firmly, rising to my knees. The vision changed then and we were at the doors to his clinic, he had just laid out some milk. He lunged lustily for me but I backed away from his touch, "No!" I screamed and stood fully.

"No, no, no. What will you say yes to _Ambrosia_?" My name slid off his tongue like a sweet melody, it was my father's voice and my eyes shot open to see him standing before me. "Do you desire home? A father's warm embrace just one more time?" He held his arms open to me.

"No. I… I will… take nothing… _nothing_ you offer…" I took a step toward him feeling stronger, "for there is nothing in your… promises… but lies." I took a deep breath as I watched my father's face fall, sickening as it did just before he died, I steeled myself against the anguish in my soul, "I will not… waste my life in a dream world with fantasies that have long since died in my heart." It hurt to say but I felt stronger after having said it, like some force had pulled its way out of my body. My father's face melted away and the demon stood before me in all his glory. The demon took no other form but the one I had seen in my mind's eye earlier and I continued, "You will wrest no more secrets from me, nor will I allow you to enter my body again. Be gone, Demon, there is nothing left for you here." I turned from him and felt his presence receding. I sat on the ground and shook a bit trying to gather my strength and figure out what was going on. I was in the Fade so I must have drifted off. I felt the world sort of shift or slide and when it righted I was sitting in the forest again, but it felt somehow different, surreal… I glanced around and saw Anders sitting beside me. I didn't feel any stirrings of pain or sadness.

"I'm sorry, Hawke." He said plainly, turning to me. "I wanted to tell you… everything. I wanted to warn you from the beginning that I was a monster and a liar. But you agreed with me. You always were on my side and at my side…" He paused, searching my face for a moment before continuing, "The Templars, the Chantry… They see us as monsters." He sighed looking forlorn, "Perhaps we are… In those last few weeks I kept… losing time… I… I didn't remember asking you to help me gather the ingredients for that potion until it was all over. I didn't want you to see me as a monster so I didn't tell you… It's like… the longer we go the less of… _me_ there is. You were right. I never should have… But what can I do now? Aside from my… death… " He paused, looking down as a tear trailed from his eye.

"Or his." I said, devoid of any compassion.

He shook his head solemnly, "No, even killing him now would surely kill me. We are too… entwined. I thought maybe being with you, loving you, would make a difference… You've always tried to save me from myself… but he's too strong… I want to be there for you, no matter what." He looked back at me as another tear trailed from his eyes.

I stared at him and felt my eyes narrow, I felt a rage build within me, "Oh right. But _he'll_ still be there too right? There's no escape from that and I can never trust you again. You destroyed everything I was building for. You demolished everything I had created. You turned the Templars in every country against their wards! You used me!" I turned fully to him spitting the last into his face, "You turned our friendship into a weapon and drove it through my heart at the same time you were taking the lives of… everyone in the Chantry… Everyone in Kirkwall that didn't make it to safety… Everyone. You killed them as surely as you killed everything in me that was yours." I was shaking with the urge to cry yet stubbornly refusing to, "You didn't just take away the chance for the Chantry and the Mages to come to peace, you took away safety and security from every mage in Thedas that did not have my luck in parentage. You stole the Chantry's chance at redemption after Meridith fell. You didn't give them Justice, Anders, and Justice never was just a spirit outside of the Fade. He was mortal and subject to the temptations therein. Weather he fell prey to the rage within you or the pride within him, it makes little difference." I blazed, my face felt hot and wet.

He took a deep breath, "What can I do?"

I stilled, letting the quiet build between us as I got my emotions under control. I felt the dream begin to shift again and opened my eyes, but nothing had changed. He sat beside me, facing me, just waiting patiently for my answer, "Show me you can change. Show me you have control. Show me Justice does not dictate your actions. If you cannot do these things, then I swear by the Maker and his beloved that I will see you come to justice for your crimes."

He nodded once, "Justice… Vengeance… will always be inside of me. But you're right. I cannot risk losing myself to him again." He reached his hand out to touch my face but I turned from him.

* * *

I woke slowly, uncurling from the tight ball I had rolled myself into. The embers in the fire were dying but the sun was slowly clearing the fog that lay over the camp. I sat up and looked across the fire pit to see Anders staring back at me. He was rubbing his neck with one arm, the other dangled loosely on his knees. He stopped moving when he saw me sit up. Our eyes locked and for a moment I heard his voice in my head again, no words just notes or murmurs in his voice. I knew mages that grew close enough could share Fade-space but I didn't know if this was one of those occasions and I couldn't ask him here. The rest of the camp was moving, all of my companions we're roused and readying for our last day on the road before we met up with Isabela's ship. I turned from him first and began packing up my bed things.

Before long we were making our way to the docks of Ostwick, Anders, Merrill, and I all draped in heavy cloaks, uncharacteristic of the warming weather but we didn't want to risk being seen. Isabela was the only one of us that wasn't trying to hide her appearance in some way. She was barking orders to everyone, except us. We moved our way down to the hold and found our rooms. Isabela made sure we had at least enough supplies to make it to Hercinia, further up the coast of the Free Marches. She was hoping we could make it past East Watch before having to stop though.

Once my things were stowed, I pulled out my journal again, intending to make the entry that I had been putting off since our hasty flight from Kirkwall. I couldn't bring myself to begin writing. I leaned back on the cot that served as my bed and sighed. I didn't need to open the journal. I just let the memories come.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Thank you everyone for your amazing support! You'll be happy to know my mom is now settled and getting back on her feet so I can start writing again!

Part one of the three part night. Lemme know what you think via messages or reviews! I know you will :D

* * *

The sun had just sunk behind the horizon when the four of us departed the Hanged Man. Aveline took the lead on our way to Hightown to meet Isabela. I could tell she was wound pretty tight, she kept glancing down darkened alleyways and pausing at just about every scraping noise, even when we got to Hightown. I think she was hoping to catch Donnic before he got to his patrol. It wasn't long before we found Isabela in the square, but by then nighttime had wrapped the city in its comforting embrace. The only sounds from the city were our footsteps and the calls of the night birds.

"About time you guys showed up." Isabela's voice cut through the quiet of the square, "I've been out here for _hours_!" I rolled my eyes at her dramatics, knowing full well it had been less than an hour since full dark.

"Relax, we're here now." I quipped before Aveline's scowl could get any deeper.

She took in a breath and glance around nervously, "I haven't seen any sign of Hayder yet but-"

She was cut short as a small band of raiders appeared from around a corner, "There she is," the female leader of the band chimed and turned back to address her group, "take her alive if you can, kill the rest!"

Isabela and I exchanged a look; she smiled devilishly and disappeared into the shadows, just melting before my eyes. Aveline and Carver moved up to protect Varric and I, they moved with the liquid grace and speed afforded from so many years in close combat. I shook myself out of my search for Isabela, resigning myself to fighting her battles and turned to face the oncoming threat. I surveyed the area only briefly before drawing my energies and enfolding my companions in a sheen of protective magic. Varric gasped as the spell folded over us and one of his shots went wide. I spared him a glance before drawing my mana up, his eyes were a bit wide but he nodded appreciatively as an arrow glanced off the protective barrier. I began to shape my concentration to form a wall of ice behind the melee to protect from the two archers posted in the doorway. As I was focusing I noticed Carver and Aveline, side by side holding back the small band, the leader was shouting over her shoulder when Aveline's shield smashed into her side, dazing her. I heard scuffled motions from the doorway and doubled my concentration. As I was about to loose the spell, I spotted Isabela as she materialized from the shadows behind the leader and sliced through the woman's side. I nearly lost my spell but the wall spread and Isabela winked at me and chuckled, melting back into the shadows. I felt myself smirk in reply. The battle wasn't very long. Aveline and Carver kept the attention of the raiders, I loosed a few ice bolts, Varric's arrows pierced any open area of flesh, and Isabela kept flashing in and out of sight, always with a sly smirk on her features. I found it difficult to find the right concentration for assisting when someone on my side kept disappearing and reappearing. I refrained from loosing any fireballs lest the splash accidentally hit an unseen friend. Varric and Carver set about looting the corpses of the dead raiders with Aveline watching over them incase more trouble showed up.

"No Hayder." I jumped at Isabela's voice sounding from directly next to my ear. She chuckled, "Oh you are going to be _so_ much fun!" She giggled, walking to the nearest corpse to clean her blades, then helping the boys with looting. I walked over to the leader of the raiders and noticed a note sticking out of one of her belt pouches.

I pulled it out and read it, "Isabela, this says Hayder is waiting in the Chantry."

She smirked, "Well it suits him, he's soon to be as hole-y as these poor sods." Her eyes twinkled with mirth as she sashayed toward me, a prowling look on her features, "Best not keep him waiting; there's too much _fun_ to be had tonight." She slid her finger down my exposed arm as she slid past me. I blinked, not quite sure how to respond, and turned to the rest of the group for assistance. Carver and Varric had matching expressions on their faces as the watched her rear end retreating behind the small caged garden and statue that stood in the square, Aveline looked like a mix between horrified and disgusted.

"Uh… Sure…" I stammered, still bewildered and she laughed, breaking us all out of our respective thoughts. I turned from the group and started following the rogue to the Chantry.

We fought our way through another band of raiders before entering the large double doors and into the antechamber of the Chantry.

"Isabela!" A male's voice cooed from behind a pillar. The man stepped into view, a few others materializing with him, all raiders. I heard Aveline draw in a breath, she really hated stealthers. The man's eyes slid provocatively up and down her body, "Mmmm, so nice to see you again. Come to repay your debts? I'm afraid the interest has gone up a bit." His eyes slid from her to me, "Of course you brought _plenty_ to bargain with." He chuckled darkly.

The only other capable person with them was a woman who strode up to stand next to the man, "We don't have time for this Hayder. Just find out where it is and let's get out of here. It's bad luck to bring weapons into a Chantry…" Her eyes slid toward the towering statue of Andraste perched at the end of the Chantry proper.

Hayder's smirk widened as I shifted uncomfortably under his sliding gaze, "Oh don't worry Merlinda, we have plenty of time to appreciate Isabela's _delicious_ offer."

I felt Carver take a step up from behind me but Isabela move to my side, "Very sloppy Hayder, how many times does Castillon have to tell you? Have your lackeys _burn_ the notes." She cocked her head, addressing me with her arms folded under her chest, eyes never wavering from the small band of raiders before us, "He never was very bright and so easily distracted that a Qunari could sneak up on him."

His smirk faltered as his eyes shifted to Isabela, "Always know how to ruin a good time. I'm not so easily distracted that I could lose an entire ship of valuable _cargo_, which is a crown you wear."

She shrugged dismissively, "Well when you've got a group of _cargo_ battering you into a pulp you tend to forget where you were supposed to go and let them off at the nearest stop. Besides, I've never believed people are cargo, Hayder." She rolled her neck as if trying to loosen a knot, pressing her chest forward with a mock pout on her lips, "And those Ferelden's are way tougher than they look…"

"Slaves?" I gaped, unable to stop myself, my eyes turning from Hayder to Isabela.

She shrugged again, eyes not leaving Hayder's, "What can I say, I was beaten into submission." She winked at him.

He chuckled, drawing my attention, "Slaves worth a hundred sovereign a head, especially if they were as hardy as she claims."

"That's disgusting." Aveline spat from behind us.

"Actually they were quite, _formidable_." Isabela spared a glance behind us to Aveline and winked. I heard her shuffle on her feet.

"Enough of this! Where is the relic?" Merlinda stepped up in front of Hayder. He regarded her with cool eyes for a second before looking back toward us.

Isabela smirked and cooed, "Awww, feeling left out pretty thing? What can I say? I lost it." She shrugged.

"Lost it? How did you lose it?" Merlinda quipped.

"Well, you see, I was sailing on my way past Kirkwall toward East Watch." Isabela turned toward the woman, becoming very animated. I noticed while she was talking her attention stayed on Hayder even as she regarded Merlinda, "I was planning on slipping by and hitting Antiva City while the weather was still nice. Anyways, I was just rounding the coast when a giant, angry storm appeared from nowhere. I swear! It was like Andraste's March had appeared from the Heavens to spite me!" Most of Hayder's men had stopped nervously glancing around, all eyes on the busty pirate as she recounted her story, "It was rough, water splashing everywhere, wind howling through the cabins like the screams of the damned, and my main sail flapping against the mast. I was trying to get-"

Hayder stepped forward, drawing the attention of the men around him, "We know you were shipwrecked. Castillon was positively _heartbroken_ when he found out. You should have sent him a note."

Isabela shrugged, eyes wide, the picture of innocence, "Oh dear, it must have slipped my mind."

Hayder took a menacing step forward, "Well you'll be able to apologize in person and tell him exactly where you lost it."

I stepped up, drawing Hayder's attention, his eyes narrowed but he stopped moving. I tried to copy Isabela's stance, pressing my hip out and folding my arms under my chest, "Now now, no need for threats. Why don't you just be a good little boy and forget about this whole thing?" He scoffed slightly, drawing in a breath, I felt my mana start rising as I spared a bit of my concentration for the barrier spell, "Castillon doesn't need to know Isabela is here," I started moving forward, swaying my hips, "he doesn't need whatever this relic is, and you don't need to die." I felt my lips pull into a smirk at the end, nearly all eyes were on me, Hayder's gaze had gotten dark. I felt the spell coming to fruition as a dagger whizzed passed me and sunk into Merlinda's chest. I had to strain myself a bit but I managed to cover all five of us in the protective sheen. Carver charged forward and planted a solid kick to Hayder's chest and Aveline's shield appeared in front of me, blocking an arrow.

The battle began in earnest. Varric and I focused on the few archers while Aveline squared off with Hayder. Carver drew the attention of the other raiders with a few flashes of his sword and some well-placed insults. With my magic wrapped around Isabela it was easier to cast my more devastating spells without hitting her. She seemed to float invisible around the battle field, finishing off those that were close to death's door. Within a few short moments, I heard Hayder's voice call out that he yielded. Aveline pulled back just enough to give me a clear view of the badly bruised and bleeding raider before two daggers points erupted from his chest. As he crumpled, Isabela appeared from behind him, slipping her daggers from his back.

"He surrendered." Aveline said, watching the pirate wipe her blades.

Isabela shrugged, "He was a threat, he would have told Castillon I was here and that was something I could not afford. Now, at least, I have some time to find the relic before Castillon finds me."

Carver and Varric went to looting the bodies, Aveline huffed and moved toward the doors to the Chantry.

"What is this relic anyhow?" Carver asked after wiping his sword off on a nearby corpse.

She shrugged, "I'm not really sure. I know it's old and valuable, but that's about it. It was kept in a box the whole time I had it." Aveline muttered something about closed boxes; Isabela continued as if she didn't hear her, "He's had me chasing the thing down since I freed his slaves. To be honest, I think he just wants me dead. He hasn't told me anything about it and sends his goons after me if I don't deliver." She shrugged, "Well it's too bad for him that I have a perfectly wonderful life."

She tried to play it off but I saw the tightness around her eyes, I smiled reassuringly at her, "Don't worry. If it'll help, I can help you find it, though it may have to wait for a few weeks."

Her eyes narrowed as she sized me up, "Why would you want that kind of trouble? Castillon is a dangerous man."

I smirked and glanced back toward Varric and Carver, "Well we're a dangerous crew. Besides, it's only one little box. How hard can it be?"

She smirked and winked, "Hopefully not _too _hard." She glanced past me to the boys, "Then again…." She winked at me and I flushed which made her laugh again, "Okay then, I'll stick around for a while. If you need me, I'll be at the Hanged Man." She looked down at herself and scoffed. "Then again… maybe I need a bath…" She turned to saunter out of the Chantry with the four of us staring after her.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the later submission of this chapter. I had it all written out before my computer died on me and I had to get a new one. I'm still waiting for my computer geniuses to get the drafts for this chapter and the next few off my C drive. In the meantime, I started writing a new fiction called Kirkwall Prevails. It will be similar to this one in terms of magic but way different in terms of storyline.

Okay, I like the way this chapter went better than the other one. Sometimes it takes a fresh pair of eyes right? Anywho, as always, please let me know what you think!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all characters and setting… I only came for the fish anyways.**

* * *

Aveline insisted we set off straight away; her apprehension about the status of another guardsman got me thinking maybe there was more to her anxiety than mere camaraderie. But I shook my head, she still wasn't over Wesley. I knew because I wasn't over my sister's early demise. Even though my robes matched hers, nothing could take the place of Bethany in my heart. I imagined it was the same for her with Wesley, or at least similar. I had never experienced love though, at least not in a romantic sense. My only experience was the love of family. But they couldn't be that much different, right?

As we rounded the steps from the Lowtown Market place I noticed a shifty looking dwarf poking at a pile of wood. "Wait." I called to Aveline and the dwarf spun so fast I thought he was going to twirl like a dancer. Aveline huffed but walked up behind me.

"Sweet mother of partha!" He exclaimed, hands thrust before his face as if warding off a blow, "Sweet Ancestors, you can't just run up on a person like that!" He shivered, eyes glancing nervously between me and my companions… and the sky.

"Are you Anso?"

His eyes narrowed a bit, "I might be…" I heard the quiver in his voice and nearly chuckled, "Are you… the… Mercenary?"

I blinked and smirked, "I might be. Did you think I was going to attack you?"

He balked, "NO! No. No… at least... I hoped you weren't." He sighed, "Ancestors, I'm no good at this. Why did they send me…?" He shuffled his feet and stared at the ground.

I crossed my arms and quirked a brow, "Did you have work for us?" I could hear Aveline anxiously shuffling behind me.

"Oh yes. I mean… I'm sorry. I'm not myself up here on the surface. I keep thinking I'm going to fall up into that sky." He looked up, eyes showing too much white.

Varric chuckled and stepped up from around me, I noticed Anso visibly relax at the sight of another dwarf, "Bartrand still gets like that sometimes. I keep telling him the only way to fall into the sky is to be full of hot air." He stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Then again…"

"But I digress!" Anso interrupted quickly, "I _am_ in need of assistance. I have some… property… that was taken from me. At least I think it was taken. The men who were supposed to… deliver it decided not to." My eyes narrowed at the shifty nature of the dwarf, I could tell there was something he wasn't telling me, he noticed my demeanor change and waved his hand, "I could pay you… reward you… handsomely! If you could retrieve it for me?"

I rolled my eyes, glancing at Carver. He nodded back and voiced our shared thought "Lyrium."

Anso took a step forward, "Well it may be illegal and very valuable but… well I've gotten myself into quite a pickle. You see my client wants his goods. _Very badly_. And things could go very badly for me if I don't deliver… You know how these Templars can be." He back up a bit muttering to himself, "They seemed like perfectly reasonable smugglers too…"

I heard Varric's rumble of a chuckle, "Better a Templar than a mage." I glared at him.

Carver took a step closer to me, "Lyrium smuggling… I don't like the sounds of this."

I sighed but the dwarf cut me off, "Yes, yes, Lyrium smuggling… I just… You don't understand what it's like being cast out of the only home you've ever known to a place that is _entirely_ foreign to you. I'd never even _seen_ sky! Now I have to do what I can just to get by… Ancestors save me."

Carver bristled, "Oh and you think we're native to Kirkwall do you? Our home was consumed to the blight! At least you know _your_ home is still there!"

I placed a hand on his arm and pulled him back from the quaking dwarf, "I didn't mean… I just… It's so…" Anso fumbled.

"Enough of this," Aveline strode forward, red tinting her features. "Where is your property?" I blinked rapidly to see the guardswoman so eager to aid a Lyrium smuggler.

"It's in an abandoned hovel, in the Alienage." He started describing the hovel; I let Varric handle the details as I moved closer to Aveline.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Just add it to the things I'm already accessory to…" She shrugged, "Besides we don't have time to argue."

"You can't miss it!" Anso finished, "Oh and, if you have to kill them… I guess it can't be avoided. But I'm sure they'll be reasonable!" Varric and I shared a look before we turned from Anso and started our sweep of Donnic's patrol.

* * *

Before long we heard the sounds of steel clashing and a pained howl emanate from one of the many alleyways that littered the district. Aveline rushed ahead before I had time to gather my mana for a protective spell, crying out a blood curdling battle cry. But the battle was over before I really noticed it had begun. By the time my spell came to fruition there were five bandits lying at Aveline's feet and three more at the entrance to the alleyway who had fallen to either my brother's blade or Bianca.

Donnic was lying very still on the ground as Aveline knelt beside him, "Hawke! He's going to bleed out!" She had her hands pressed into the deepest of his wounds. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on the healing aspect of my magic. The green glow emanated in a thin line between me and the wounded guardsman, I could feel his heart starting to slow and demanded my magic staunch the red river flowing from between Aveline's nervous fingers. I was never strong in my healing and before I could stitch the frayed edges of the wound back together I felt myself sway and fall to my knees, my mana depleted. Still the blood flow had waned and his heart sounded stronger, but if he moved, even a little, all the work I had done would be torn anew.

"Aveline… The flask…" I pressed one of the last two healing potions into her hand and she poured the liquid into his mouth. Thankfully, he swallowed it and his eyes shot wide as the magic from the potent potion tore through his body. Aveline breathed a sigh of relief and helped pull him to his feet.

"Aveline! Thank the Maker, but you are a beautiful sight!" She blushed deeply, turning her eyes to the side. I noticed his blush as well, he cleared his throat and looked down. He paled a bit as he noticed her covered in blood, "Your hurt!" He cried taking a step back to assess her.

She chuckled, "The blood is not mine, Guardsman." She made a motion with her hand toward his sundered armor.

I rolled my eyes at the whole affair and turned toward the forgotten satchel lying near where I was kneeling. Carver and Varric were already seeing to stripping the dead bandits of their valuables, I noticed Varric hold up a pair of nice looking, if torn, trousers. Carver shook his head and I started shuffling through the documents. Most of them were lists with names, in the bottom there was a small silver statuette of the Viscount, along with a note with his seal.

"Aveline…" I called, breaking everyone from their respective duties, "It's got the Viscount's seal."

Carver pulled a few pages from the satchel and looked them over, "Office details… city accounts…"

Varric chimed in from one of the bodies, "These are Coterie men. That information would be _very_ valuable to a guild of thieves."

Realization dawned on Donnic's face, "So… I was meant to die." He looked to Aveline, concern shaping his gaze, "There were so many of them. I took a few down but…" He looked over the carnage. Aveline blushed again and looked away, "Captain Jeven… He told me… this route would be clear…"

Aveline's face hardened as she looked between my concerned expression and Donnic's lost one, "He will answer for what he's done here. No Captain should send a guard as a sacrifice. No person should send another… _person_ as a sacrifice!" Her blush returned with vigor, but this time it was born from anger instead of embarrassment.

"We could always kill him and be done with it." I smirked, my tone dripping with sarcasm.

Donnic paled but Aveline rolled her eyes, "Not now Hawke." She turned to regard Donnic, "I swear to you, Jevan will know how justice works. This is going directly to the Viscount." Her expression softened at his relieved look, "Can you make it back to the barracks?"

He nodded and blushed slightly again, avoiding eye contact with her, "Thanks to you."

She smiled a very small smile and cleared her throat, "Well then, we should be off. Take care of yourself, Donnic."

"And you as well, Aveline."

We walked off toward the Alienage, Aveline in front. I turned to her when we were out of earshot, "So, Guardsman Donnic?"

She rolled her eyes, "You don't need to coddle me, Hawke." She turned her expression hardening slightly, but I saw the playful glint in her eyes, "Besides, my memories and feelings are my own."

Varric chuckled, "So there _are _feelings."

She narrowed her eyes at the dwarf but I noticed her blush again, I placed a hand on her arm, "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with us."

She shook her head and continued toward the Alienage.

* * *

Anso was right about one thing, the hovel was hard to miss. After vanquishing the few of them and searching the abandoned abode from top to bottom, all we found was one empty chest.

"They were expecting someone, that trap nearly cost me a new set of boots! Who put us up to this?" Varric grumbled as we approached the door to leave.

I shrugged, "We should at least go back to Anso and tell him."

I opened the door and stepped out, nearly walking directly into a bandit. My eyes narrowed as I glanced around to see us surrounded by them on all sides.

They started talking and I took the opportunity to gather my mana for a blanket of ice to cover the lot of them. My protective magic still covered my companions from the short battle from inside, I could feel Carver and Aveline step up beside me, Carver's voice sounded very far away but I heard him goading the enemies as my eyes glazed over. I forced my will into a wall of ice that sprung up from the ground entrapping eight of them easily.

As my spell finished I heard Aveline's war cry, and watched her rush toward the few to our left. Varric's volley of arrows quickly dispatched the frozen eight and he turned to the few running at us from the shadows in the Alienage. I prepared myself for a fireball; aiming it at the three Carver was entangled with, when I felt it. Magic that was not my own twanged the air around me. I was too lost in my own spell to counter the one aimed at me from a mage who had appeared. Bandits didn't usually employ mages nor send them into obvious peril.

With a crack, my spell scattered two of the three Carver was facing off with as the other mage's lightning crackled over me, snapping my barrier of protective magic. I felt it fall from all my companions as the spell dazed me. My vision swam as I tried to focus on Carver, I saw the blade from the slaver cut into his strong arm and he howled in pain, but pain only fueled my brother's battle rage and he vanquished the bandit quickly, rushing toward the mage.

"Mage!" I called to my companions as I renewed the stream of protection around us all.

"Assassin!" Aveline called from behind me.

Varric and I were standing side by side and, as if on command, we switched targets. With my range of spells I was better suited to the assassin, and with his arrows, he would be better suited to handle the Mage. It was like a dance, a well-oiled, well prepared stream of knowledge and trust. I knew where they would be, they knew I wouldn't hurt them. I gathered myself for a blast of ice aimed at the shadow I watched the stealther disappear into. My spell had just landed, outlining the assassin for Aveline's swinging sword when I saw the mage appear beside her. I spared a moment's glance back to see Carver on his knees, that one second was enough, I felt the air around me singe as a bolt of lightning struck just to the side of me. Aveline's well-placed shield to the side of the mage's head spared me the worst of the damage as I sailed through the air and connected with the wooden frame of the door.

"Carver!" I cried, struggling to my feet as Aveline and Varric finished off the mage. I felt a pop when his essence finally drained out on the sidewalk, the last vestiges of his spells seeping into the stone.

He steadied himself and rose to his feet, his great sword swinging awkwardly in his left hand. The right held protectively to his side. "I'm alright, Sister. Just need to see a healer before another battle." He sheathed his weapon and limped toward me, making me think the damage was worse than he let on. I noticed the dark stain at his hip but bit my tongue. If he wanted to act tough I wouldn't betray his trust.

"You've made a serious mistake coming here, friend!" A male's voice sounded through the Alienage as the owner revealed himself from behind the great tree. I lowered myself into a battle stance, placing myself between the new man and Carver. "Lieutenant! I want the company in the clearing! NOW!" He called behind him; my gaze drew to the stairs expecting a slew of men to come pouring out. They wouldn't harm any of us, not if I could help it.

"Captain!" A strangled voice called out from the top of the stairs as another bandit appeared, bleeding profusely, before falling to the ground.

"Your men are dead." I stood from my battle stance as an elf sauntered around the corner of the stairs. I felt his eyes scanning me as he strolled down the stairs. His white hair gleamed in the moonlight as I took in his appearance, the Captain had mentioned many men but there was not a drop of blood on this elf. I felt myself blush at his intense gaze but either he didn't notice or didn't care, his words for the Captain alone. "I suggest running back to your master." He walked casually around the Captain as if he posed no threat, his eyes scanning the rest of my party.

"You are going nowhere, slave!" The Captain found his voice at last and placed a hand on the elf's shoulder.

The elf sneered and my gaze was drawn to the markings rising through his armor as they started to glow a faint blue. I could feel my mana pool up toward the surface, as if this glow was commanding my mana to act. "I am not a slave!" he howled, his voice breaking me from my pondering of the new sensations. Before I could think clearly again the elf's hand _entered_ the Captain's chest… like there was no armor, no flesh, and no bone preventing it. I gasped, but not at the oddity of the scene. A ripple of mana tore through my body, starting at my core and spreading out until I could feel my magic cool my body from the inside out. The sensation ended abruptly, leaving only the ghost of the feeling, as the markings marring his flesh stopped glowing and he pulled his hand from the Captain's chest. The heart fell to the ground with a soft plop. The Captain blinked once then crumpled beside it.

When he turned back to us I first noticed his hand was free from blood, and second noticed his eyes searching me over again and I couldn't help but fidget, "He called you a slave." I stated plainly.

He scowled slightly, "My name is Fenris and I am no slave, except in the eyes of those that hunt me. These men were Imperial bounty hunters, seeking to recover a maigster's lost property."

I glanced around the courtyard, "So many men for one elf."

"I apologize. I had no idea they would be so numerous when I sought Anso's assistance. Still, I could not have fought them alone. I am grateful for your help." He shrugged slightly, an impish look crossing his features.

"No worries. We do this sort of thing often." I smirked.

His lip twitched slightly, "Impressive. Then I am grateful to you and thankful Anso proved to be a better judge of prowess than I had initially anticipated."

Varric chuckled slightly, "He did seem a bit… twitchy."

"If you could not face them alone, why not run?" Aveline chimed in from behind me.

His eyes narrowed at her, "There comes a time when you must stop running, when you turn and face the tiger."

"That is true." She replied.

I glanced around again at the bodies littering the Alienage and then back to Fenris, "Still it seems like a lot of effort to go through for one slave… does this have something to do with your… markings?" I blushed slightly.

He chuckled darkly, glancing down at the crooks of his arms, "Yes well… I imagine I must look strange to you."

"Not so strange. I've seen tattoos before… but those aren't simple tattoos are they?"

He lowered his head, peering at me from a curtain of his hair, it was a feral look and I paled before it, "No. They are not. They have served me well enough, even though they were forced upon me." He raised his chin, a proud look crossing his features, "Without them I would still be a slave."

I smirked again, "Anso's job did seem a bit too easy." His lips twitched in response to my gaiety and my expression turned serious, "Regardless, I'm happy I helped. No one deserves the fate of a slave."

His eyes widened a bit as he glanced over the group of us, genuine surprise lifting his furrowed brow, "I have met few in my travels who have sought more than personal gain, still I see the truth in your words. If the deception was unnecessary then I am sorry," His gaze lowered again, "I have become too accustomed to hiding."

I smiled slightly as his gaze returned to mine, "No apology is necessary, as I said, I'm happy I helped."

He regarded me quizzically for a moment before speaking again, "If that is true, then there may be more I require." He moved toward the body of the Captain and ruffled through his pouches.

I glanced back at Carver. He was paled and there was quite a bit of blood saturating his arm but he was still standing of his own will. But I noticed the glossiness to his eyes and the way he seemed to sway. I needed to get him somewhere safe to rest. I looked behind him and saw the firelight from beneath Merrill's door.

Fenris' voice broke me from my thoughts, "It is as I thought. Danarius is here." He scowled, standing to face me again, his eyes downcast, "I am… not used to asking for help… but..." He took in a breath and squared his shoulders, "Danarius is my former master, the one that hunts me now. He will never stop. This is my only chance to be rid of him… I cannot…" His gaze lowered again, "I cannot do this without assistance."

I smiled as he fumbled to ask for help, "Of course. But I have one thing I must see to before I can. My brother is injured." I motioned behind me.

"I'm fine." He said but his voice quavered and his body chose that moment to fail. He would have fallen if Aveline had not caught him.

Fenris' eyes shifted from the stairs to Carver, he seemed to be weighing his options, "As you wish, but haste would be most appreciated."

I chuckled slightly, "Fear not, I have a friend who can take him in and her house is just behind this tree." I pointed vaguely in the direction of Merrill's house.

He nodded his assent, casting one more look at the stairs, before falling into step behind us.

"Really Aveline, I'm fine! I'm not a child I can take care of myself!" My brother whined but leaned harder on the guardswoman.

She just chuckled, "Of course you aren't, but a wounded solider will still take aid from his fellows." I smirked and shared a look with Varric before knocking on the door.

I was surprised when Anders opened the door, but grateful. He looked at me then noticed the new companion before seeing Carver leaning on Aveline. I watched his expression change from surprise to concern as he moved to the side, holding the door open for us.

"Well, it's a good thing I decided to stay for some tea before heading back to Darktown." He smiled softly as Aveline lead my brother inside.

I nodded, "I'm surprised you're still here."

He shrugged, "I felt it was important for me to-"

Merrill's squeal cut him short as she entered the small living space from an adjacent room and saw Carver's bloody arm.

"By the Dread Wolf! Are you alright?"

He tried to square his shoulders as Aveline lowered him to a chair, "I'm fine, really. It looks worse than it is." He winced as Anders started poking at his arm. Merrill paled and I wondered how a blood mage could be so squeamish around an injured person. Still I smiled as Merrill's attentions drew some color to his face.

"Carver can fill you in on the details, Anders. For now we have business in Hightown." I called as the rest of us exited the house.

He nodded, smiling politely, "Sure, sure. We'll be here when you're done. I doubt I'll be able to carry Carver all the way home."

I laughed again at the image, closing the door behind us and motioned for Aveline to lead us back to Hightown.


	15. Chapter 15

The short trek up back to Hightown was spent mostly in silence. I couldn't be positive about Aveline and Varric but I was beginning to feel the draining effects of our long day. I pulled out a few bits of dried meat and fruit and dolled them out to my companions as we walked. Varric and Aveline accepted them gratefully but Fenris shook his head, pulling out his own rations and nibbling as we marched hurriedly toward our destination. I was pondering at the sensations I felt earlier when his markings had glowed, so much so that I got lost inside my head and didn't notice until I nearly ran into him when he stopped. We had reached the top of the stairway that led to the south of the Chantry's courtyard and into the wealthiest housing district.

"Danarius' mansion is just around the corner." He turned, seeing me nearly invading his personal bubble. He scowled slightly but did not take a step back; he squared his shoulders and glared down at me in a challenge.

I crossed my arms loosely, staring a challenge back at him. I thought for a moment about standing my ground but conceded that it would be better for me to just take a step back in terms of group cohesion, "So what now?" I replied. I blushed slightly and retreated a step, my eyes turned down to the task of replacing my rations. I was only stepping back to better get at my pouches… that was my story and I was sticking to it.

He stilled, closing his eyes, ears tilted toward the mansion, "I can hear nothing within. He may already know we are here." He opened his eyes and glanced over our group again, "He is a powerful magister."

Varric chuckled, "So all we have to do is wade through a likely trap infested mansion and slay a prepared mage?" He turned to me, smirking still, "Sounds like a Tuesday."

I smirked back but frowned again, "I would like to know more about this magister, if you please."

He huffed slightly and scowled again, "He is a magister of the Tevinter Imperium, wealthy and with great influence and yes, a prepared mage. But he is also a man, and without his title to hid behind here he will sweat like any other when death arrives at his doorstep." His scowl turned to a sneer as his eyes narrowed toward the estate.

I shook my head, glancing back at Aveline and Varric, "We shouldn't wait any longer then. But we should be cautions all the same."

Varric nodded, but some motion from in front of me brought my gaze back to the elf. There was something in his eyes, some set to his form or some shadow of emotion across his face. I felt a surge of desire pass through me, not as intense as it had been for Anders, but there all the same. I felt myself blush under the intense look he was giving the mansion. It was like a hunter who had finally caught up to his prey, "Agreed." He stated plainly and strode toward the door, we followed but he didn't look back.

He paused at the door for only a moment as his hunched shoulders straightened and he pushed the door open forcefully, smashing it into the wall, hollering into the seemingly empty house, "I am NOT afraid of you, Danarius! Show yourself!"

I paused blinking at his sudden outburst, feeling myself scowl slightly, "Well if he _didn't_ know we were here… he certainly does now."

I pressed past the bristling elf and opened the door on the far wall.

"Stop!" Varric voice stopped me in my tracks, "Trap. Don't move, Hawke."

As I stood perfectly still and Varric began fiddling with some hidden mechanism just under the toe of my boot. At that moment I heard Aveline shout from behind me, "Shades!"

I cursed my luck and readied the barrier spell, not moving my foot as my hands began the elaborate inscription to focus my mana. Varric did not stop to draw his bow as Fenris deftly leapt over whatever Varric was working on, protecting me and the dwarf as two shades appeared in my field of vision. It was harder than I anticipated to add Fenris into my spell, like my spell was being absorbed by him instead of encasing him, but I felt the spell finally snap into place as Varric rose and turned toward the enemies attacking Aveline. He winked at me as he back peddled, showing me the trap was disarmed and firing a volley of arrows from his trusty Bianca.

Fenris' presence in the new room must have triggered some unseen thing as four more shades began materializing before him. I gathered my energies, focusing my mana on a spell to encase them in ice. As I loosed the spell, I once again felt my magic being pulled toward the now glowing Fenris. It took more concentration than was pretty to keep my spell directed at the swirling mists of the forming shades. By the end of the ordeal, I felt more drained than I anticipated and settled for pouring my mana through my staff, icy blasts shooting from the ends of it and further coating the still frozen four.

The battle was over quickly, but Fenris was not satisfied, "You're pets cannot harm us! Come out and face me Danarius!" He rushed through the next door, triggering a noxious gas cloud to spring from a few weakened floor tiles and more shades to begin forming.

Aveline rushed after him, sounding a battle cry and standing next to the smaller man, the cloud made their movements slower but they were still able to block the worst of the blows aimed at them while Varric and I finished them off, blessedly out of the blast of the cloud. But the battle raged on, without Aveline's quicker abilities to damage and Fenris' sweeping blows with his great sword, Varric and I were having a hard time keeping up with the near continual appearance of more shades, like some ghastly army rising up from the room before us. Finally I felt my mana replenish enough that I felt comfortable using a fireball, I gathered the energies, calling to my companions, "Fall back to the room!" I commanded. Fenris was hesitant to follow my command but, noticing Aveline's slow retreat, he conceded to my words.

When they were freed from the effects of the gas I felt my magic actualize a small bit of fire in my hands, I called out to them again, "Duck!" I loosed the energy and nearly cursed as my ball of fire nearly hit Fenris, Aveline having to pull him down by his vest. But the spell did the trick, scattering the remaining shades and burning of the cloud of fumes that covered the floor of the hall.

Fenris' markings blazed to life and I felt them strain against the protective magics surrounding him. I wondered at the meaning behind this as we finished off the remaining shades. He turned to scowl at me as the last one fell, "I will find you and destroy you. What purpose does hiding serve?" He called out, still staring me down but words meant for Danarius.

He seemed to come to some conclusion and barreled through the rest of the mansion, hardly waiting for the rest of us to catch up as he methodically searched one room after another. After every battle he careened, caring little for rest or sanity, it seemed to me. But when he was fighting, when he was actually swinging the great sword that never left his hands, he was taught, controlled, calm. It was like watching two completely different people occupy the same space.

At length, we came to the last room. Finding it empty Fenris huffed, "Gone." He sneered, kicking a nearby vase and sending it crashing into a far wall. He stood, breathing heavily and staring at the offending piece of furniture for a long time. I turned my puzzling look to Varric and Aveline, each shaking their heads indicating they didn't know what to do in the face of such vicious hatred. I had no clues myself to so I just stood there, waiting for him to come out of his rage. Slowly his breathing evened and his fists unclenched. He sheathed his sword and turned to face us, "I'm sure there is something of value in this room, it would have been his bedchambers and it appears he left in a hurry. Perhaps he did know we were coming after all." He sneered again, fixing me with his intense gaze, "Feel free to look around…" His voice trailed off as he closed his eyes and seemed to fold in upon himself, "I need some air." He bristled past us, walking far around me I noticed, before any of us could wonder at his words and demeanor.

"Well he's as prickly as that armor he's wearing." Varric chimed, moving toward the chests in the corner.

"And nearly as mad as the tattoos adoring his flesh…" Aveline replied seating herself on a bench and cleaning off her blade, "Still, a good man to have in a fight. He is well skilled." She observed glancing up at me as she spoke. I barely noticed the exchange; my eyes had followed to the doorway where he had disappeared. "You should have a rest, Hawke. You look pale," She stated motioning the seat next to her as Varric held up what looked to be a raven's feather and tossed it aside.

"Still, he is a very intriguing person." I sat beside Aveline, "Do you think he would want to join our expedition?"

She scoffed, "I still think the whole thing is a bad idea. There is plenty of legitimate work here you could do, things that wouldn't draw attention to your talents. Why go away on a gamble when you have a sure thing here?"

I sighed, "I need to do better for Mother… You've seen the way she's been since Lothering." I glanced at her through the few locks of my hair that had come unbound.

I watched as her face fell and she sheathed her blade, turning her face from mine, "I have." Her voice sounded strained and I knew my words had brought up thoughts of Wesley. I immediately felt terrible and I placed a reassuring hand on her forearm, drawing her attention back to me. Her face softened slightly and Varric rose, tucking a nice looking headdress into one of his many pouches. Aveline rose lending me a hand as she did, "Well let's head home and get some sleep." She chuckled slightly, "with the week you're having it seems like you'll need it." I smirked tiredly, the weight of the day finally pressing against the back of my eyes.

We walked out the main door but had only made it a few steps before I heard Fenris' gravelly voice, "Mage." He spat the word. I spun and saw him, leaning casually against the wall, but his tone betrayed his seemingly calm exterior, he was peering at me through his hair again, that feral look. This time I did not pale but raised my chin at his accusation, I would not back down to his spite, "I should have realized it sooner. I escaped a land of dark magic only to have it hunt me at every turn, and now it is a mage who taints me anew even while offering promises of help." He scoffed eyes turning to the side before pushing away from the wall and standing before me, "What sort of mage are you then? What is it you seek?"

My eyes narrowed at him, "I seek nothing but safety for my family. I have lost too much in too short a time for me to crave anything but that. I seek to gain nothing by my magic, if that is your true question. It has proven to be a useful tool, but it is not an anchor for me to live my life. 'The Maker saw fit to give me magic, but he also granted me fingers and a brain.'" My father's words choked out of my suddenly constricted throat. Who was he to question someone who not only rid him of his hunters but also, without thought of payment or self, offered to help him in his mad dash through a ruined building? I felt my cheeks color in anger as my thoughts turned to my father and silently cursed him for bringing up such painful thoughts.

His eyes narrowed, "You may not seek it, but danger will undoubtedly find you." I bristled fixing him with a deadly stare, he seemed satisfied with his response and his demeanor relaxed a bit, even in the face of my rage.

"What does it matter to you what I am? For now, all I am is the person who just saved your hide! Who stood by you when you had no one else and agreed to take on your burdens without a thought to myself. Does that make me a bad person? Is that 'danger undoubtedly finding me'? Then fine. I would rather have danger in my life than see another suffer." I straightened my posture, feeling my spine stretch me up to my full height which put me exactly eye level with the slighter framed man.

Aveline spoke up beside me, "Besides, not all mages are like this Danarius you speak of. If Hawke showed even a scrape of evil, I would be the first to act. She has my trust in all things for without her I would not be here today."

I spared a smile toward the proud woman, feeling my anger soften with her reassuring presence at my side. Varric huffed his assent and took a step up. Fenris' lips twitched into something like a smile as he saw the dedication in my comrades, but frowned as some thought drew him away from the three of us.

He sighed softly and my gaze returned to his, "I am sorry. I must appear ungrateful. Nothing is further from the truth. I owe you a debt greater than coin, but here is all I possess." He held his hand out to me. It took every ounce of willpower I had left to calm down and only take the coins from his outstretched palm, instead of snatching them like a petulant child. "I will need to remain here, I will no longer run from Danarius. Should you find yourself in need of assistance, you can find me here." He sneered again, brows furrowing in fury as he turned his gaze to the door, "If he wishes the return of his property, he is free to come and claim it."

I blinked in confusion, "And just like that, you'll work with a mage?"

He shrugged slightly, "As your friend stated, you are not Danarius. And you are skilled, I can tell that much, though I would prefer it if you would avoid using your magics on me. It is not a pleasant experience."

I pondered for a moment more, my anger ebbing at his logical tones. But still my mind raced with questions, "Why does your old master seek you so fervently?"

He looked down, "It is not a matter to be discussed on the street. But as I said before, these markings are more than tattoos, they are Lyrium. Danarius required more than just another slave; he required a weapon and so branded me with this… taint…" He scowled again, holding his arms out and staring at the markings, "it is because of this that he will never stop hunting me. Not until either I am returned to him or he has stripped his investment from my corpse."

I found myself frowning, drawn into his plight. Not only had this magister enslaved him but had also tortured him and used him. I remembered all the sensations I had experienced around him and blushed slightly, for a moment, a mere second, I thought of the possibility of my magic and his Lyrium talent. I banished the thought as quickly as it had appeared, a renewed vigor setting my features into a thoughtful frown, "It would be a shameful waste of a perfectly fine warrior such as yourself." He blushed slightly, coughing nervously into his hand, which made me blush as I realized the flirting nature of my words, "I mean… it just…" I fumbled for a moment, staring at my hands, "I just don't see that going very well for you…"

He chuckled then, it was a surprising sound. Not pained or forced but genuine, it made me smile a very small smile as I turned back to him, my cheeks still ablaze, "No, neither do I. Still, I do anticipate one day I will need face him."

I nodded once, making up my mind, "As long as you can work with me instead of against me, I do have a matter that may require your help. I'm planning an expedition to the Deep Roads and I could use a fine… uhm…" I blushed and stammered again, "I mean another sword… er, warrior… uh…."

He smirked; it softened his normal scowl but didn't goad me, "Fair enough."

Aveline cleared her throat, "Well then, we should be off."

He stated moving toward the door, "As I said, should you need me I will be here. Banavis fedari. May the ground rise to meet your feet." He opened the door and stepped into the mansion.

I let out a breath and rolled my eyes to Aveline who was grinning at me, "Well, that went well."

Varric chuckled, "A flustered Hawke is always fun. So tell me. Is it the ears? The strong nose? The graceful ears?"

I blushed again, "Shut up Varric…" I grumbled and started walking away as Aveline and Varric snickered. It wasn't my fault I was attracted to him. He was a boy, I was a girl… it was nature or hormones… not anything serious. I just wish it didn't affect my speech and thought patterns so much. _First Anders, then that Prince, and now Fenris… Next thing you know I'll be stammering at a Templar!_ I groaned inwardly remembering the papers I had found at our family estate and how I still needed to go to the Gallows to find the mage they were written to… if he was still alive.

Aveline left us at the Viscount's Keep, promising to hold onto the documents until I arrived so I could see the look on Jevan's face. Varric and I chatted a bit on the way to retrieve Carver from the Alienage. I blushingly confessed my hormonal state and Varric laughed at me some more, but it was companionable. He even offered to knock them around if they tried anything untoward with me, which made me smile. Carver, Merrill, and Anders were playing a game of cards when they returned. Varric and I joined for a bit but soon felt too tired to even walk back to Gamlen's house. Carver and Varric helped her home while Anders slipped off to his clinic. I tucked into bed that night with the sight of blue crackling fire behind chocolate eyes and the sounds of a baritone elf ringing through my ears.

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**A/N:** I didn't want to mess with the flow of the chapters by placing the note at top. So here it is! Fenris at last! And at least one quest to whet your whistles while I write it. And now that our merry band is complete there's only a few more things before the real meat and potatoes begins! Muhahaha plot plot plotty plot! Well, complete until act 2 :D

As always, your feedback is EXTRAORDINARILY appreciated! As such a special thanks to Musicalrain and PenNameUnknown for all of their help to me this far! Feeding the muse is a great way to get fat chapters :P

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all... I just think it smells pretty... and the colors!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** I've gone back and cleaned up some of the earlier chapters of the story to make it flow better. Go back and take a look through chapters 1-10 if you haven't seen them in a while. I'll be getting around to the last few chapters soon but I think they flow pretty well. Also, I'm excited to say, I actually have a whole little plot line thingy laid out finally! So, somewhat less of me blundering along and much more of me actually doing something with this story.

This chapter is a bit more fluff with some angst and some set up for more angst. Yummy Angst… and lots of dialog... with more to come! Remember to review!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all… and I found a monkey today. Srsly.**

* * *

I came back to myself, folding unwillingly from the comfort of my memories, to the sound of soft knocking at my cabin door.

"Sister? Are you well?" He paused and I heard him try the doorknob, "Come on Rose… You have to eat." Carver's voice drifted through the still locked cabin door.

I frowned but felt the pains gnawing at my stomach. I glanced out the small porthole that served as a window. The sun was high in the sky. I realized I must have mused for the better part of the morning and into afternoon. I sighed inwardly, _I don't deserve their faith, their trust. I have betrayed them all, even as I was betrayed. But I couldn't do it, I couldn't watch him die._

Carver knocked a little harder, "Rose, Hawke… please get up and eat something."

A tear dropped from the corner of my eye but I bit my lip. _Later, please go away, please just let me be. Just… for a while…_ I prayed silently.

"Carver, she just needs some time. She will come around, in the end." Merrill's voice drifted to join Carver's pleading.

I heard shuffling, "I can't Merrill… I can't stand for her to be like this. She was always the strong one…" He sounded on the verge of tears.

"I know, emma vhenan, but she can't be the strong one while she's still broken. We have to be the strong ones for her while she's lost. Like she was for all of us." Carver's muffled tears echoed through my soul. I tried to take comfort in what Merrill said but… I was letting him down, again.

I bit my lip to keep from sobbing, _I can't be the strong one anymore, Carver. I make all the wrong decisions, I hurt everyone around me, I destroy their lives. I deserve no less than to be locked away in one of the Circles and forgotten about._

Carver took a deep breath and sighed, "You're right. I'll come back later." I heard their footsteps retreating down the hallway.

I almost called out, almost begged for them to take me back to the Gallows. But the word rang through my head and I was lost in memory once again.

* * *

Carver, Varric, and I arrived at the Viscount's Keep sometime in the mid afternoon after a runner came to fetch us. The note only said, "Big news, come to the Barracks". Jevan was being pulled out by two of the guards, yelling obscenities that made even Varric blush. Aveline let it slide right off her freshly shined armor and smirked wickedly as he was being led off. The seneschal thanked Aveline for bringing his corruption to the light then surprised us all.

"The Viscount wonders if you would be up to the task of Guard Captain."

Aveline balked, completely stunned, "I… uh… what?"

The seneschal smiled, "Who better to lead the guard than the one who brought this… unpleasant affair to light?"

Aveline smiled at me, I smiled back and nodded. She turned to the seneschal and lifted her chin proudly, "I would be honored."

He nodded, "Then I will get the papers in order." He started leave but turned at the door, "Be aware, however, this will not be an overnight affair. There will be papers to sign, training to undergo… months of preparation. I suggest you take some time to get your…" His gaze slid over me and a look of contempt filled his political face, "affairs… in order." He turned on heel and walked out of the Barracks with both Aveline and I staring after him.

_What did I ever do to him?_ I thought as Aveline turned to me, a look of shock and awe on her features "Guard Captain…" She smiled until I thought her face would break.

"Congratulations!" I smiled back at her, "We'll have to celebrate tonight. At the Hanged Man of course."

She chuckled, "Oh that's just the kind of reputation I need, to be seen slumming it?" But she winked jokingly.

Carver huffed, "Yes, congratulations." He rolled his eyes as I shot him a look, "What?"

I sighed, "You know, you could think about being happy for our friend."

Aveline's smile was not diminished as she turned to him, "That's okay. I understand your feelings. But look on the bright side, at least you'll have a more receptive ear when you reapply."

Varric chuckled, "Yeah, someone who knows you personally. Inside and out. Flaws and all. And still sticks by your side." He winked.

Carver's face reddened and his eyes narrowed, "Well, so much for a fair chance then. I'll be… outside." He huffed off, Varric went after him. I rolled my eyes at the exchange but knew that if anyone could break him out of his moodiness, it was Varric.

Aveline walked around the office, still awed, "Captain of the Guard… What a great opportunity…" Her smile turned sad for a moment and she bowed her head, "Thank you, Wesley." She caught me looking and smirked sheepishly.

"Hey, Wesley didn't run all over Sundermount and back to help you get where you are." I smirked as she giggled, "But that you keep him in your thoughts still is a testament to his character."

She sighed, "I'm not a fool, I don't dwell in the past. I know he is gone and he is either at the Maker's side or he isn't. What I keep of him is that moment…" Her voice trailed off and she glanced at the floor, "I won't let anyone down like that. Ever again." She raised her chin proudly.

I frowned, "What do you mean, 'he's by the Maker's side or he isn't'?"

She smiled, "You know I don't hold true to the Andraste faith. Wesley did and I hope that he has found his way to peace. But I can't be certain, no one can. That's why it's called 'faith'."

I rolled my eyes mockingly, "Well as one of the Andraste faith, I _know_ he is by the Maker's side. And I'll know that until you do too."

She chuckled, "Have it your way then."

I winked, "I always do. Speaking of my way, it'll be nice to have the law on _my_ side for a change."

She shook her head, "I'll not be brought down to corruption like Jevan. I know you Hawke, you usually play inside the rules but I cannot follow you if you continue to skirt the law. I'm a Captain now, and I have to act accordingly."

I chuckled, "I was kidding; besides I always do things by the book."

She laughed heartily, "Yeah, by _your_ book."

I grinned, "It's true."

She sighed and looked over the desk, "I suppose I should get to work then. Unless you need me today?"

I held up my hand, "No, you bask in your afterglow. I'll be fine. Just a quick trip to the Gallows then I'm pretty much done for the day. I might visit Anders or Merrill to see how they're getting along too. Will you be at the Hanged Man later? Drinks are on Varric." I winked.

She chuckled, "Of course I will." I smiled and headed for the door, "Oh and Hawke." I turned, "Thanks. I mean it."

I smiled softly, "Anytime. Guard Captain Aveline... It suits you."

She smiled back as I walked out of her office and rejoined Varric and Carver.

"You know what I'm saying. You're family used to be noble right?" Carver was saying as I motioned them to follow me out of the Keep.

Varric scoffed, "Sure… by some definition of the term."

"Well then you know what it's like for me. I mean why be nobility when I can be living carefree and on my own." A kind of pleading note entered his ramble. I rolled my eyes.

Varric smirked, "Carefree? I spend half of my time making sure you guys are getting the paying work you need and the other half of the time keeping the gangs of Kirkwall off everyone's back… and the other half of the time keeping the Merchant's guild from slaughtering my brother and I… and the other half of the time keeping my brother from slaughtering… well everything really. Anyways, I work and I work hard. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to just _be_ noble." He paused for effect, "Then again, I'd be stuck in Orzammar and me and cramped spaces don't get along so well."

Carver and Varric bantered the whole way to the Gallows. We were getting off the ferry before they really noticed where we were going.

"What are we doing here?" Carver asked, looking up as we stepped off the ferry.

I smirked mischievously, "Oh, just shopping, snooping around for work, that kind of thing."

Carver glanced nervously around, "Are you sure that's wise? I mean…"

I giggled, "Don't worry; you and Varric are the only ones here that know. Unless you're planning on telling them…"

Varric chuckled, "I doubt that would get us into the Deep Roads quicker." He turned, glancing around the oppressive landscape, humming thoughtfully, "Well, this isn't constricting at all."

I glanced up at the statues of the screaming slaves and shuddered, "Yes, well… let's do our business quickly."

"Yeah, seconded and all that. Say, I heard something from one of my contacts about a potion maker out here. I'm gonna go see if I can find him." Varric said moving toward the Templar's barracks.

"I'll come with you." Carver chimed in.

I glanced a question at him and he blushed, fingering the bracelet on his wrist. The bracelet was his first and last gift from Bethany but it was also his tell that he was lying, "And leave your poor sister to face the Gallows alone?" I questioned.

He flushed more and narrowed his eyes, "Since when have you needed my protection? Go, do your business. We'll go do ours." He started walking away.

Varric shot me a questioning look but I mouthed _later_ to him and he hurried off after my brother. I watched them walk away before searching for the mage my father had mentioned in his letters. I sighed after them, wondering at my brother's sudden change in mood but had little time to ponder.

"Something I can help you with, messare?" One of the Templars approached me. I stood back from him just a bit, not wanting him to sense my shielding and curled one of my fingers into my hair.

"Oh… Yeah I was uhm… Looking for someone, a mage here. At least that's what my daddy said. He said to find Tobrius." I tilted my head and shifted my hips, "Do you know him?"

The Templar smiled softly at my innocent display, playing along or falling for it I couldn't tell, "Yes, he's just to the side of the weapons and armor dealers in the courtyard. Do you want me to show you?"

I almost laughed at the huskiness of his voice as he said the last but checked myself and widened my eyes, "Oh yes please!" I forced a flush to my features, "I'm afraid I'm terrible with directions."

He chuckled slightly, "Very well messare, right this way." He started leading me and I kept up my guise until we came before a mage with a greying beard and bright eyes, "Enchanter Tobrius, this young woman wishes a word with you, can you spare a moment?"

The mage looked up from the papers he was reading and nodded, "Yes, yes uh… Paxley right? One of the new recruits?"

The Templar flushed slightly, "Yes. That's me."

I smirked slightly, "Oh, a recruit?" I let some of my innocent nature subside to make the slight hit home.

He frowned slightly but bowed and walked away. I smiled and turned toward the mage.

"That wasn't very nice of you." Tobrius said, turning to look me full in the face, "Ah but I see clearly. That hair, your eyes… you're a Hawke aren't you?"

I blinked, "I… uh…"

He smiled softly, "Well, if I was hiding I'd have probably done the same thing. I knew a Hawke once. Malcom. He was a good man, if a bit… well like you." He smiled genuinely.

I curtsied, "I know, it is why I sought you. I found my father's old letters from you. About a friend he couldn't talk about?"

He smiled again, "Yes. The Templar, your father couldn't have named him in the letters lest the Templar be found for allowing your father to leave."

I blinked, confusion plain on my face, "A Templar helped him?"

"Oh yes… he told me, as Malcom was leaving, 'Rule is not served by caging the best of us'." He stroked his chin as if thinking, but I noticed the wisdom in his eyes.

I shook my head, "I can't believe a Templar would help…"

Sadness crossed his features, "Yes, there was a time when the rules of the Order could be interpreted to suit a situation… not like today." He frowned.

I looked away, contemplating all he had told me, "There seems to be more to this tale."

"I do have some other letters that I have been… holding on to. I think it's time they returned to family though. If you can wait here? I will go fetch them." He turned as I nodded.

I found Varric speaking with the potions dealer but no sign of Carver as I approached, "I think it's a statement on modern art. And that statement is 'Well, shit'."

The potion's dealer chuckled softly into his hand, "Varric, damn boy you're gonna get me into trouble."

He chuckled in reply as I smiled, "Yeah, that's my job. Getting people into trouble so I can save the day." He winked at me and I shook my head.

"Well just remember, keep an eye out for those herbs and I'll whip you up something that will do more than just save a day." He laughed and we walked back toward the courtyard.

"Where's Carver?" I asked looking around.

"Oh he said he was going to ask the Templars about their training." He shrugged.

I quirked my brow and started heading toward one of the fruit stalls, "Training? The Templars? He's not…"

Varric shrugged, "Maybe he is. Would it be so bad? I mean sure you're a… who you are… but he still needs a place in the world."

I sighed and purchased us both an apple to pass the time, "I guess but… It just doesn't seem like him. I mean sure he's a fighter but… is this really the place for him?"

Varric took a large bite and shrugged, "Dunno." He said his mouth still full.

I pondered while I nibbled at my apple. It wasn't long before Carver caught up with us. I didn't question him there, it was a bad place, but I was burning with questions. As Tobrius approached me Carver huffed and walked off to get his own apple.

"Hawke." The mage called as he approached, "Here is all that I have… I was sad to hear of his passing. My condolences… Few like him remain." He handed me the letters, watching me as I tucked them away, "Fewer like the Templar though, not all of them are terrible. Remember that for your father's sake if no one elses." I smiled and he turned toward, closing his eyes, "Rest well at the Maker's side Malcom Hawke and Ser Maurevar Carver." I was stunned into silence as Tobrius took his leave.

"I'm sure I missed something," Varric chimed as soon as the mage was out of hearing distance, "Is that a Templar name?"

I nodded, still shocked as Carver walked up. Varric and I both stared at him, then shared a look while Carver watched us with a questioning look, "What?"

I shook my head, "Let's just get out of here…"

Varric nodded and shuddered, "Yeah, too much weird here."

* * *

We barely said one word to each other, other than Carver's questions, until we made it back to Varric's suite. There I let each man read the letters I had, the ones from my father to Tobrius and his responses. Varric skimmed them over quickly then handed them all to Carver.

Carver took his time, reading each one slowly and in some cases rereading them. Varric and I waited patiently for his response. Finally he read it aloud, "Thank you for your services, please accept this trinket and know that I shall respect your name." He shuffled the papers, "Ser Maurevar Carver…."

"Your namesake…" I whispered, watching his face carefully.

He looked toward the fire, "He helped Father didn't he."

I nodded, glancing away as well, "He was the Templar that assisted in Father's escape from the Circle. Tobrius called him a wise man."

Carver scoffed, "He probably did it to serve his own means. I mean have we met a Templar that wasn't a colossal prig?"

I glanced at his profile, his features were drawn into a scowl as he stared intently at the fireplace. I placed my hand over his, "This Ser Maurevar was one. Just because we never met him doesn't mean they don't exist."

"I'm out of one shadow and into the next it would seem." He shook his head and turned away, sorrow dripped from his voice, "I'll be at Gamlen's." He stood and stormed out of the room.

I watched him go but didn't give chase; I knew he would need time. He took all the letters with him. "Well, maybe he'll finally find a calling then… and I can stop worrying about him."

Varric chuckled dryly, "Yeah, just what we need in our marry group. Say, what do you get when you mix a blood mage, an abomination, and a Templar?"

I laughed, "One big happy family…" I sighed and turned toward the dwarf, "So what now, what does the potion dealer need?"

He told me and we discussed where we would go next. I showed him the paper from the Chanter's board that the Prince had put up. There were some letters from Meeran, a notice about a Bone Pit, and many other avenues for adventure and fortune. It was just after the noonday meal when I left his suite, feeling more hopeful about the future. We had a plan for the next few days, now all I needed to do was make sure the people I had collected were able and ready to help.

* * *

emma vhenan = my heart


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** A fluffy visit with Merrill, some drama but not too angsty. As always please let me know what you think!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all… but I'm keeping my sock. It's a nice sock.**

* * *

Varric had some business to attend to and he wanted to visit with his brother before the sun went down so we parted ways at the doors of the Hanged Man. For the first time in a long time I was on my own, no one to follow me, no one looking over my shoulder, no expectations… just me and this big old city. I smiled as I walked through the small market place, window shopping for the future. I picked up a flower for Merrill, something to liven up her house and welcome her to Kirkwall. I spotted a handsome hair binder for Anders. Fenris was a bit tougher to buy for, I didn't know him other than he was a slave. I picked up some Earthroot potions and fresh fruit from Lady Elegant. Mostly I just wandered the stalls, window shopping and watching the people around me. Everyone here was lower class but they didn't seem to care, they were just happy living as long as they could, some keeping to themselves but most chatting with their friends or even strangers about the day, the weather, life in general. They chatted about mundane gossip. This was the working populace of Kirkwall, the miners or factory workers, the backbone of the city. There was no desperation here, unlike in the Undercity. Nor were there any fake smiles and pretend laughter, unlike in Hightown. It was all so real and genuine. I picked up on some gossip, nothing too abnormal though. Gossip about the Qunari or plans to get into the Deep Roads trip, but even these whispers were told with a smirk and a wink. It was so busy yet so peaceful. I smiled to myself as I walked toward the Alienage thinking how wonderful it might be to be one of those people, not a care in the world other than living my life from day-to-day. Laughing with my neighbors about the antics of their children or boasting about some new sewing technique I'd learned… Not having to worry about keeping myself and my friends safe from imprisonment and torture…

My mind turned to Carver, I wondered at our past conversations and tried to remember if he had giving me any sign that he had wanted to be a Templar. I knew he was unhappy with me as the head of the family but I couldn't fathom why he would want to join an order of people whose sole purpose in life was to cage people like me… his own sister. Would he turn me in? Would the Order question me? Would they come after Mother? The more I thought about it the sadder I became. Did I push him into doing this?

I was so lost in my thoughts that I ran directly into a wall. Well, I thought it was a wall, but walls don't grunt.

"Sorry, messare, I didn't-" I looked up directly into the face of a Templar. My mouth fell open and I was gripped with such fear. I suddenly understood why Anders was so jumpy yesterday. I could feel him, even through my shielding, like a force pulling my magic from me. I thought I was trapped. A look of sheer panic fell across my features as the Templar smiled.

"Not to worry, serah. I should have been paying better attention myself." He stated simply before bowing and turning to walk up the stairs. I stared after him like a complete moron. _How come he didn't feel me? Didn't they just… know?_ I turned and looked around the Alienage, trying to figure out why he was here when I noticed an elven woman standing by herself under the great tree. She was crying and looking after the Templar.

I walked over to her and smiled kindly, if that Templar was asking about mages I wanted to know what he was asking, "Are you alright?" I put on my best concerned face, trying to wipe away the last pangs of fear that the Templar had brought up.

She sniffled and looked up at me, "I… I don't… My son… he's gone…" She sobbed again and I drew her into an awkward embrace thinking maybe she didn't have anything to do with the Templar. I stared looking around again. "He wasn't supposed to run off. I didn't mean to. I just wanted what's best for him. Like a mother should. He would have been safer in the Circle right?" She looked up at me and I tried to hide my surprise.

"What do you mean? Is your son a mage?"

She sobbed again, a little hiccup at the end as she pulled away from me, "Yes." She looked very concerned, whether for her son or for telling me he's an apostate I couldn't tell.

"Is he in trouble? Maybe I can help."

"He… I…." She started crying again and I patted her back.

"Shhh, it's okay. It'll be okay." I muttered, glancing around but everyone seemed to give us a wide berth. Either they knew her son was a mage and didn't want to get involved or they were so used to seeing this type of display that they were unmoved. I pitied these people, the elves, having so much pain and anguish in their lives that they couldn't even stop for a moment to assist someone so obviously in need of help.

Her sobbing eased and she looked up at me, "I knew, when he was born, that he had magic in him. But it was fine, I could help him with the ways of my people." It was then I noticed the tattoos marking her face, announcing her as one of the Dalish, _what is she doing here?_ I wondered but she was still talking, "It was fine in the beginning but lately he's been having such nightmares. Dreams of demons and spirits plaguing his rest. Most days he wakes up more tired than when he went to bed. I would rather lose him to the Circle, I thought. That's why I asked Ser Thrask here but… he won't help he won't go and look for my Feynriel! He's run away… From me and from the Templars… oh what have I done…" She started crying again, great tears of a mother's heart ripped in two.

I hugged her a little tighter, "Do not fear, little mother, I will go and find your son for you."

She hiccupped and looked up at me, her elven eyes wide with surprise, "You… you will? Oh thank you, messare, thank you!" She sobbed again but drew in a deep breath to attempt to halt her tears, they flowed but she was no longer wracked by sobs.

"I need to know a little more about him though. What does he look like? Where was he last seen?"

She nodded, "He's about this tall with blonde hair, he's... an elf-blooded human... I saw him just this morning when I told him about Ser Thrask, he ran off then… I didn't see where he went but… We got word a few days ago that his father is back in town. Maybe he went to see him? His name is Vincento, he has a stall in the marketplace here in Lowtown."

She seemed to have calmed down mostly and my curiosity was burning, I smiled slightly and sat beside her, "So what is one of the Dalish doing in a place like this?"

She scoffed slightly, "I came to Kirkwall many years ago, on errand for my clan. Here I met Vincento, he was beautiful, sweet, kindhearted, and soft. Not like the men from my clan, all of them warriors with hard hearts and deep scowls. He told me stories and stared into my eyes. It was beautiful. We… were together for many months until he found out I was with child. He left in the night, only a note to say he couldn't be burdened with an elf-blooded child… My clan cast me out as well, so I had little choice but to raise Feynriel here, in the Alienage."

I frowned, her story paining my heart, "My poor woman. I will do all in my power to see Feynriel is returned to you unharmed."

She shook her head, "No. Tell him you are bringing me home but please deliver him to Ser Thrask. The Circle is the only place for him now."

Shocked, all I could do was stare at her for a time, "You would have him locked up like an animal?"

She blanched, "No! Not like that, he just… The magic is too much for him! He sleeps fitfully, screaming at night. It's hard to wake him from these nightmares and he strikes out when he does come awake. Only the Circle can help him now! Sometimes he will sleep for an entire day with these nightmares! You don't understand what magic does to a person."

I shook my head and looked down, "I will do what I can for him then." I didn't open up to her like she had to me. I stood and headed toward Merrill's house, promising her as I left that I would find Feynriel.

* * *

Merrill opened the door and smiled, "Oh! Hawke! I didn't think you would actually come…" She frowned and looked away.

"I told you I would didn't I?" I smiled at her warmly.

She frowned, "Yes but I didn't think you would actually… Oh! Is this about Carver?"

I blinked, "Uhm no… not exactly. I just… can I come in?"

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise as she flung the door open, "Oh my! My maners! I'm sorry, yes please come in… I'll find you something relatively clean to sit on." She rushed into the house leaving me to close the door, I heard her voice from the main dining area, "Can I get you something to eat? Or drink... since I only really have water…"

I chuckled, "No that's fine." I entered and set the potted plant I'd been carrying around on the table, "A present for you, to welcome you to Kirkwall."

She blushed then went pale, "Oh my! I didn't get you anything. Do I need to? Is that a human custom?"

Chuckling again I shook my head, "No. Well the welcoming gift is but you don't need to get me anything." I took a seat, "How do you like it here so far?"

"It's nice so far. It's louder than I'm used to and busier… but not bad. Thank you again for bringing me here." She smiled and took the seat opposite of me.

I snickered slightly, "Well I'm not sure thanks are in order, not without a large helping of irony."

She smiled sadly and looked toward the fire, "It's not pretty but… it's right, where I need to be right now." She turned looked back toward me, "Sorry I… haven't had many friends. I'm not sure I'm…. well, being friendly…"

My brow quirked quizzically, "But you _are_ friendly, why didn't you have many friends?"

Her eyes were drawn down to a book on the table, "The last friends that I had died in Ferelden. Lyna and Tamlen… they were hunters, guarding the woods from some Shemlen, er bandits, who had passed too close to our lands. The clan didn't want a conflict so they were scouting and making sure the humans didn't discover us. They found a hidden cave with some artifacts in it but, they were tainted by the blight. Tamlen died before we found them but Lyna was awake at least. One of the humans, Duncan, came to try and make her well again but he came too late." She had tears in her eyes, "I couldn't help them. I was too weak…"

"That's awful, I'm so sorry Merrill."

She shrugged and wiped the tears from her eyes, "The Dalish spend most of their time learning the Vir Tanadhal. My duties as Marethari's First kept me from much of that. Lyna and Tamlen were the only ones that really noticed me and found time for me… After what happened with them…" She got a faraway look again and paused, she scowled slightly before looking up at me again, her face returning to neutral. "I followed Duncan back to the ruins. There I found artifacts lost to my people, I wanted to study them to learn more of the history but Marethari thought it was too dangerous. We… fought… after that the others of my clan avoided me… They just don't understand! I can help them. I will help them."

I smiled reassuringly, "I'm sure you will. If I can help in any way…"

"Thank you…" She smiled slightly, "In a way I'm kind of glad, I never was very good with people… I'd have made a terrible Keeper."

"Don't worry, soon you'll be the most popular girl in the Alienage!" I chuckled slightly as she blanched.

"Oh goodness no! I'd say something ridiculous and everyone would laugh at me…"

I laughed, "Oh Merrill, well then at least you'll have me and Carver… and Varric… Aveline…"

She chuckled as I started counting out the friends I'd collected in the last week, "Well maybe I am more popular than I think."

We chatted for a while about the day, the weather, life in general. We avoided more serious topics like Carver, the Deep Roads… magic… I took my leave with promises to see her later at the Hanged Man. As I left I thought how wonderful it was to be just a person, living my life from day to day and laughing with my neighbor about good times. I started my trek to Darktown to visit Anders thinking maybe I wasn't so different from the people in the Marketplace… Maybe I was just a person trying to live my life as I wanted it to be… for my friends and family and maybe… just a little… for myself.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Angsty Anders visit and some Hawke-y back story, finally! Ooo and a surprise at the end for all you Anders fans!

**Disclaimer: You know the drill… and Bioware owns it…**

* * *

As I rounded the corner to the Clinic, I felt the familiar hum of magic. I took in a deep breath and stood for a moment just outside the doors, letting the feeling engulf me and draw me under. I felt my magic responding but held it back. It's a wonderful feeling, magic, the mana coursing through your body. Tingling along your nerves and bathing you in a sensation like standing in a full Chantry with a powerful Mother singing the chant… divine. I was so lost in the blissful feeling that I didn't notice as the Clinic went silent. Suddenly the doors were flung open and a very Justice-y Anders stormed out of the doors brandishing his staff and looking around. I blanched and redoubled my shielding, cutting myself off from the intensity of the Fade rolling off him.

The blue glow faded as he spotted me, looking at him with fearful eyes, "Oh… Oh Hawke! I'm sorry! I didn't know you were coming… is everything okay?" I nodded, blushing furiously. He walked toward me, placing his staff in its back holster and ushering me inside the door. "It's okay everyone you can come out, just a friend of mine. Sorry!" He called out as we entered. People started filtering out of one of the back corners of the room. At first glance it looked like a rubbish pile but then I noticed it was a careful disguise for a hiding area. He had walked toward that area and was helping people out, a few of them looked wasted, like they hadn't eaten anything in years. They were barely able to move and I wondered if this was an illness or simply famine. I rushed forward and started helping as well, smiling kindly into their faces. I was surprised to notice that most of these people were not old, they were my age, but they were haggard in a way that disgusted me and made me pity them at the same time. _How had these people let their lives get so hopeless? _I wondered, but even that thought brought guilt to me. But for the grace of the Maker, I could be one of these few. I could be living in squalor and desperation, lost and forgotten… or swept under the rug like a bit of rubbish you couldn't be bothered to tend to properly.

Once everyone was back in their beds, Anders stared walking among them. Casting spells and doling out instructions to his helpers as he went. I found a quiet bench and watched him work. I marveled at his depth of character, for it took more than just a nice person to be able to look into the face of such sorrow and not flinch. He did so much more than just heal these people; he gave them hope and will to survive. He was a doctor, mentor, adviser, and friend. He took great pains to call each of his patients by their name, he stood by them and listened to their stories, he offered them advice on where to get work or where to get food. He held them when they cried and held their hands when they rose from their beds. His two helpers ran back and forth from the back of the Clinic to the bedside of the patients, Anders whispered to them what a patient would need and they would bring it to them.

I watched for what felt like hours, during that time he ran himself to near exhaustion. Never pausing to sit for a moment and catch his breath, not even eating. It took some time but eventually every patient was seen to and every wound closed and everyone but him and his helpers had left. The workers went about straightening up the cots and the healing area, tending to the bedding. Anders walked over to me, dark circles under his eyes.

He smiled slightly as he sank to the cot in front of me, "Sorry about all that. Is everything okay? Did you need me for something?"

I shook my head, "No just stopping by to say hello. And give you this." I pulled out the hair binder from one of my pouches and held it out to him. It was wooden with a carving of an Earthroot on it and a bit of leather to tie it around the hair.

He blinked but took it from me, "What's the occasion?"

"I just wanted to get you something to thank you for the maps and your help so far. I mean you did save my leg…" I shrugged.

He placed the gift in one of his pouches and pulled out a bit of rations to start eating as we chatted, "Well that's my job." He chuckled slightly and began to eat.

"Well it will certainly be useful in the Deep Roads. If you still want to come that is."

He nodded, "Yes. I mean I don't really _want_ to come but I meant what I said. I will help you however I can… You're… well I can just tell about people ya know?"

I chuckled, "Oh is that so?"

He shrugged and turned back to his food, blushing slightly, "Yes. For instance I can tell you've been hurt, recently. It must have been horrible for you to fight so fiercely for the ones around you."

It was my turn to blush, I looked toward the two that were still busy tending the Clinic, "My father, Malcom, and my sister, Bethany… Father died hunting in the woods about four years ago. Mother took it pretty hard. After that I was the one to raise the twins, and keep Mother from dying to her grief. But Bethany… when the blight came to Ferelden my family and I were living in Lothering. Carver came in screaming at us to get packed… he barely made any sense and when we finally did realize what he was talking about it was almost too late. We ran from Lothering just in time to see it destroyed by the Darkspawn… We ran toward the Korcari Wilds but we were cut off by the Horde… a…" I sniffled, trying to stifle a sob as tears sprang to my eyes, "We didn't see the Ogre before it was too late…" The tears started falling and suddenly I was wrapped in Anders strong embrace, "I couldn't help her, I wasn't strong enough, fast enough… I just watched her die… Oh Bethany!" I cried into his chest as he held me, whispering soothing words that I didn't hear, the scene of her death replaying again and again in my mind. I screamed and cried out my grief for my sister's death finally after a year of holding it in, of being the strong one to carry my family on… it poured out like puss from a festering wound onto the concerned ear of the man holding me.

Slowly I felt better, like a weight had been lifted I heard Bethany's voice from some memory I had of her singing the Chant _For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light; And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost._ I knew, in that moment, that I would never be rid of her ghost… that the memory of her death would plague me until the end of my days. But there were happy memories of her too, laughing or singing. She was wrought by the Maker and would never be lost.

Finally, my tears ceased but I stayed in the comfort of Anders arms, "Thank you." I said, my voice hoarse from crying.

He pulled back slightly, still holding me, and looked down at me, compassionately, "Anytime you need to talk, Rose, I'll be here." His calloused finger ran feather light across my cheek, whipping away the last few tears.

I flushed under his compassionate and tender gaze, my skin tingling where his fingers touched. My heart fluttered in my chest as I tilted my head up slightly. I couldn't think or breath, I was caught in his arms and his eyes. For one glorious moment I thought he would lean down and kiss me, but a pained expression crossed his features and he pulled gently away from me. I blushed furiously and shifted on the bench, "Uh, thanks Anders. I… guess I needed that…" I looked at the floor, embarrassed by my vulnerability.

"I… Uhm…" His voice was horse as well and he cleared his throat twice before finishing, "Yes well, I'm glad I was here then."

I rose and started making my way toward the door, "Oh, if you could stop by the Hanged Man later. Varric went to talk to Bartrand about the Expedition. We'll be discussing his findings later."

He nodded, "Yes well I just need to finish a few things up here then I'll be on my way."

We stood for a moment longer, kind of staring at each other before turning and going our separate ways.


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N:** I've had some trouble getting into Fenris' head for this chapter, hopefully I did alright. Lemme know what you think!

**Disclaimer: Bioware owns all… And I might be drinking. Maybe.**

* * *

The sun was setting as I walked up the long staircase from the Undercity to Hightown. I emerged in the Chantry Square as the bells from the Chantry rang out. There were many people bustling from one side of the square to the other, hurrying to get home for the evening meal or filing to the Chantry for the evening Chant. There was another Templar in the middle of the square, talking to a woman. I ducked my head and turned quickly to head up the south staircase toward Fenris' home. Just as I slipped up the first step I heard gasping and the grating of steel.

I turned and saw the Templar push the woman, his voice ringing out over the din of the homeward facing crowd, "There are many Templars in this city, woman."

"But please, can you just, tell me where he is?" She kneeled and looked up at him, pleading in her voice.

He scoffed, "I don't have time for this. Go to the Gallows if you're so worried." He turned on heel and strode toward the Chantry steps.

The woman didn't get up, just held her head in her hands. Curiosity over took me and I approached the woman. "I couldn't help but hear, messare," I said as I approached kneeling beside her and helping her up, "Is everything okay?"

She sobbed but stood, "Yes… no… I… I don't know… Oh it's all gone to… Maker… It's my brother. He's gone."

I quirked a brow, "Gone? As in he ran away or…?"

"He was recruited by the Order, I told him not to go. I mean you hear such… things…" She lowered her voice, "About the Templars… I tried to stop him but he wouldn't listen. Then he stopped writing. I used to get a letter every day but he hasn't written and I've sent him many letters. I'm worried about him and they…" She pointed to where the Templar was disappearing in the crowd, "won't tell me where he is. I've been to the Gallows but the Knight-Commander threw me out! I've asked everyone but no one will say where he is." She started sobbing again.

"There, there. It'll be okay."

"No it won't. The other recruits, they have to know something don't they? But they won't talk to me. It's like they… are afraid…"

I narrowed my eyes and glanced over her, "About what?"

Her eyes widened and she looked around us before leaning in and lowering her voice again to a conspiratorial whisper, "The Knight-Commander. You hear things, terrible things, about her and about what she does, how she's without pity and sees demons _everywhere_... But I think she's… doing something… to the recruits."

I nodded. Her clothes weren't exactly of fine make but she was in Hightown… "Well, I could ask around about him… if there was some… incentive…" I hinted jingling my coin purse.

Her face fell and she started sobbing again, "I don't… have anything… that's why I'm looking for him…"

I sighed, pity coloring my thoughts, "Shh now, don't cry. I'll look for him. I'll ask at the Gallows for him. Don't cry. It'll be okay."

Hope flashed through her features followed quickly by relief, "Really? Will you? His name is Keran. I think he has some friends in the Gallows, other recruits, Wilmod and Hugh." She looked around again, "I should head home, for when he comes looking for me. I live in Lowtown, just off the Market Square."

I nodded, "Okay, I'll find you if I hear anything. Be well."

"May the Maker guide you and protect you in this endeavor." She bowed slightly and then walked off.

I watched after her then headed up the steps to the richest part of Hightown, shaking my head. I was never going to get enough money to get into the Deep Roads expedition if I didn't start charging people. But I wanted to help. I kept reminding myself that I could be them, lost, desperate, alone... Besides, if Carver wants to be a Templar, the least I can do is make sure it's safe for him. I nodded to myself as I approached the shadowed walking path that lead to Fenris' home.

I knocked on the door before opening it a crack, "Fenris? Are you home?"

No answer. I opened the door and stepped inside, it was still well-lit in the foyer. I glanced around noting the damage that had been done to the place over the years. Small bits of rubbish and spiderwebs covered every inch of the place. "Fenris?" I called out again before hearing a noise from the upper bedroom, the one he had said belonged to Danarius. I started up the staircase, "Fenris are you up here? It's Hawke."

"Yes, in here." He called from the room as I turned, I saw him sitting near the fireplace sipping on a bottle of wine, he rose as I approached, bowing slightly, "Hawke."

I smiled slightly and sat on the bench, "Fenris." I mocked his serious tone with a flirty one.

The corner of his lip twitched and he took a sip from the bottle, "Agreggio Pavali."

I quirked my brow, "A good wine I take it?"

He scoffed, "The best, most expensive. Danarius used to have me dress in my full bodyguard outfit and pour it for his guests…"

"Nothing like a little fear with your wine." I quipped.

"Yes… that is what Danarius used to say." He scowled and looked at the bottle.

"Well, I can't see why they were so frightened of you." I put on a brave face. The intensity in his eyes and the way he was standing, looming over me, both had put the butterflies back in my stomach. A sensation teetering on the edge between fear and attraction until his eyes met mine and a smirk twitched at the corner of his lips and I felt my heart flutter as the sensations tipped over the edge toward attraction.

"Well," He gruffed, eyes piercing mine, "None of them were like you."

I coughed and turned my head to the fire to hide my blush as he took another swig. My eyes swung back to his as he hurled the bottle against the wall. I looked at him with a surprised face, "Well, that was a waste."

He scoffed, "Not hardly. I take pleasure in destroying what _he _had purchased."

I smirked, "You could have at least offered me some."

He blinked and looked at the stain the bottle and liquid had made on the wall, "There is more, six bottles, if you really want some."

I shrugged, "Perish the thought. How else would you redecorate?"

He laughed then, fully, not just the huffs and gruffs I'd heard from the night before. It was surprising and I beamed inside, knowing that I had made him laugh. Then his expression turned dark and he frowned looking toward the fire, I tried to think of something else to say but was at a loss. His voice surprised me, "You're Ferelden." He didn't make it a question so I didn't answer. He turned and sat on another bench across from me.

"Do you ever think about returning?"

I shrugged, "Sometimes, but Lothering is gone. That was my home town." I shrugged again, "It will always be my home… in a way."

"The blight is over. You could rebuild it." His eyes narrowed slightly as he regarded me with the same intensity that made me blush before.

I wondered at his meaning but didn't blush, "I could. I could go back, help rebuild… maybe I will. Once I know my family is safe and will be taken care of…" I tuned back toward the fire, away from his penetrating gaze, "For now I have a life here, a family to care for," I turned back to him, "and friends. I couldn't just leave them."

He nodded, looking down, "I think I understand. I wanted to… move past my former life. To forget my life as a slave but I cannot. Not while Danarius still hunts me."

I nodded into the silence that followed, deciding to change the topic, "Where do you call home?"

"I used to call Seheron home, but…" he paused, scowling toward the fire, "it doesn't matter… for now, here is good enough."

I nodded, "Is that where you're from? Seheron?"

He squared his shoulders as he stared into the fire, "That's what I've been told."

I puzzled over his words for a moment, "Were you very young when you left?"

"It doesn't matter." He repeated, scoffing vehemently.

I glanced up, wondering at his sudden dark mood, "You know you can talk to me. I'm willing to listen."

He chuckled, glancing sideways toward the fire again, "To my whining? How _charitable_ of you." The word snaked from his lips like a disgusting thing trapped in his mouth.

I frowned, "It's not charity… I just… want to get to know you better."

He glared back at me, "And how do whatever places I've been teach you about me?"

I blinked, "Whatever places? Home isn't a 'whatever place'… its home…" He scoffed and shuffled in his seat. Understanding finally dawned on me, "You don't remember." My voice lowered, softened.

His eyes narrowed and he glared at me, "Do you remember the place where you were born? Do you remember every place you've been in your whole life? Do those places make you who you are?"

I blinked at his sudden intensity and shook my head, "No. I guess not." I blushed and looked down at my lap, fidgeting with my fingers, I could still feel his intense gaze on me, "My mother told me I was born in the Bannorn but never which area." The silence between us stretched as I wondered what it would be like to not truly know my heritage, "Uhm… so…" I fumbled, trying to think of something else to say, "You've been on the run a long time then?" I added a lit to the end to make it a question.

He blinked out of his mood at my conversational tone, "Three years, now. Though it feels like longer."

"That must have been exhilarating, knowing you're free."

His lip twitched again and he grunted, "It is. It never lasts long though. Danarius has a way of finding me, though I know not how." He peered at me sideways through his hair, not the intense and feral gaze from the night before, but it made the butterflies start up again, "Though it is different this time, this time I am not alone."

I blushed and nodded, "Have you never sought help before this?"

His lip twitched as he regarded me fully, "I have but none have been as formidable as you." Color tinted his cheeks and the tips of his ears as his eyes met mine.

I turned away, blushing deeply, "Oh well… I, uhm…" I fumbled as he chuckled slightly.

"I do not fool myself, however. I know Danarius will return."

I nodded, still fighting off my blush, "Well, what if he doesn't?"

His eyes grew dark and penetrating, "Then I will go to him. I will not live with a tiger at my back." He sneered.

I swallowed the sudden fear tingling up my spine at his gaze and his words, "That sounds like a good plan."

He scoffed, "I doubt it will come to that though. He has likely returned to Minrathous, though I would not relish in the thought of going to the city with him still alive. No. He will come." He cocked his head slightly to the side, "I do not expect your help when he does return."

I thought back to the two women I'd already promised to help today, never mind the countless others I have helped across the years, and scowled toward the fire, "How could I not help?" He blinked but didn't answer. I shook my head, "You know, you could always stay… in Kirkwall… make this your home."

His lip twitched slightly and he flushed again, "I could… for the right reasons."

I smirked playfully, blushing so deeply I don't know how I maintained eye contact, "And what reasons would those be?"

He blushed then, from cheek to the tips of his ears and turned toward the fire, ignoring my question, "I should… thank you again. For helping me, I mean."

I chuckled, turning back to the fire to hide the rest of my blush, "Yes, well…" my voice trailed off.

He cleared his throat, peering at me again from behind his hair, "I did not know if I could trust Anso to find me anyone, let alone a woman as capable as you. Perhaps I should have asked him to look sooner."

"You sound like you're about to ask for a loan." I laughed brightly.

He laughed with me, blushing, "Well… keeping this mansion is not cheap."

I smiled and stood, "Well, I came here for more reasons than just a chat. Varric has gone to see his brother in regards to the expedition I told you about. He is likely waiting for me in the Hanged Man. Would you… like to come?"

He nodded and rose, "If you will have an ex-slave accompany you, I cannot say no." He motioned toward the door and quirked his brow when I didn't move.

"I have something else, a gift, for you." I untied the pouch containing the Elfroot potion and fruit and handed it to him, "Something to welcome you to Kirkwall."

He blinked and looked down at the gift, "Uh…"

I blinked back at him, "You don't like fruit?"

He flushed deeply and took the small sack turning from me and placing it on the table, "I… No it is not that… I just… No one has ever given me a gift before."

I smiled and walked toward the door, quipping over my shoulder, "Well, there's a first time for everything right?"

He chuckled slightly and followed me out into the night. The trip to the Hanged Man was quiet, we didn't speak much to each other, each wary of the shadows glooming over the city.


End file.
